Had BETTER OFF DEAD gone in a wildly different direction you might have ended up with ICED, a borderline inept late-80s ski-themed slasher currently streaming on Shudder.
A few years after the death of their friend, Jeff, a group of old pals reunite at a new ski resort in order to hit the slopes, have some laughs, and maybe do a few lines of blow.
What they don't know is that someone—or something—has brought them there to exact revenge for Jeff's demise.
Written by co-star Joseph Alan Johnson (who plays Alex, the handsome ski resort mogul), ICED can't decide what it wants to be. Is it a gory slasher? Is it sleazy horror? Unfortunately, it never goes all in on either, despite multiple scenes featuring original Wednesday Addams (Lisa Loring) in her birthday suit, and deaths by ski pole, icicle, bear trap, and hot tub electrocution. Cara mia!
There's a sleaze classic lurking here. Too bad it never goes far enough. Be sure to stay tuned for the loony ending! — Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and The Hungover Gourmet. He is expecting up to 15" of snow this weekend but no ski goggle-clad killers. He hopes.
Back from Parents Weekend in Philly and in need of a non-1966 horror fix, I decided I needed a “recent” trash effort. So, of course, I settled on 1980’s BLOOD BEACH, starring John Saxon and Burt Young as dedicated, exasperated cops in search of a monster that sucks people into the sand. I’m not sure how this one has flown under my radar for, oh, 45 years, but here we are.
After his neighbor gets abducted by the Creature of Blood Beach while he’s out swimming in the ocean, harbor patrolman Harry (David Huffman) ends up realizing he still has feelings for the woman’s estranged daughter who returns to town in search of her mother. Meanwhile, Burt Young (in full Paulie Mode) and his partner are tasked with finding out what happened to the missing woman. The creature abducts, mutilates, and kills more victims (including a dog and Harry’s stewardess “friend”), while the cops and scientists scratch their heads. Eventually, it all comes to a head after they discover the creature’s lair, and Detective Paulie decides to put an end to all this bullshit.
A mashup of JAWS and 1960s creature features, BLOOD BEACH isn’t entirely unwatchable. Saxon is his usual, stalwart self and quips “just when you think it’s safe to go back in the water—you can’t get there” while Young literally plays Detective Paulie (his best moment involves asking Harry what color eyes his stewardess friend “had”). Unfortunately, the whole thing sounds like it was recorded in a closet and it’s hard to make out what the heck is happening anytime the action heads underground. – Dan Taylor
Our deep dive into the Baby Bava Filmography continues with a first-time screening of 1980’s MACABRE (aka MACABRO, THE FROZEN TERROR), his first full-length feature and a doozy of a debut.
Based on “actual events” in the American south, MACABRE follows horny middle-aged Jane Baker (Bernice Stegers) as she ditches her bratty kids once hubby splits and heads to her love nest for a romp with her boyfriend Fred (Roberto Posse). When she gets an alarming phone call from her daughter Lucy (Veronica Zinny) the adulterous couple hop into a car, unaware that Fred will meet a tragic end that sends Jane straight into a mental hospital.
Upon release, Jane takes up permanent residence in her love nest above the home of Robert (Stanko Molnar), a blind trumpet repairman (!) who is harboring a crush on the flirty, flighty Jane. It isn’t long before Jane is unpacking her Weird Fred Shrine (complete with newspaper headlines from the accident and, um, his old credit card) and creepy Lucy starts showing up to play mind games on good old mom.
Bava, directing from a script he co-wrote with Pupi Avati – among others – maintains a leisurely pace throughout as Jane runs around in her nightie, takes baths, teases Robert, freaks out at Lucy, and has – what sounds like – ghost sex with old dead Fred. The “Southern accent” dubbing doesn’t do the flick any favors but Stegers performs with gusto and there’s plenty of bare flesh, sweat and weirdness to maintain interest.
It all comes to a head in a pretty bonkers final reel as Robert decides to get to the bottom of Jane’s mysterious lover while mother and daughter fight for title of Craziest Baker Family Member. Be sure to stick around for the shocker ending but steer clear of most of the posters and lobby cards that spoil the fun. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and he advises that if you have not seen MACABRE you should not watch the spoiler-filled trailer below! You've been warned... MACABRE is streaming on Amazon Prime and is also available in many physical formats.
Originally conceived as a four-part miniseries for Italian television, Lamberto Bava’s late-to-the-game giallo A BLADE IN THE DARK debuted in Italian theaters in 1983 after being deemed too gory for the masses.
The plot is pretty textbook giallo with composer Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti) hired by Sandra (Any Papa) to score her thrilling new film. He retreats to a secluded villa owned by Tony (Michele Soavi) and it’s not long before he’s hearing mysterious sounds and encountering Katia (Valerie Cavalli), the kooky neighbor who discovered a secret about Linda, the villa’s previous occupant.
Before you can say “Creepy Caretaker”, Katia and other beautiful women start falling prey to a box cutter-wielding killer while Bruno wanders the grounds looking for clues. If you’ve seen pretty much ANY of the genre’s previous entries you’ll piece together the story long before the episodic script gets you there, but Baby Bava’s flick is packed with enough flourishes to make it an entertaining ride. There’s memorable music highlighted by creepy laughter; a price of admission bathroom slaying that is among the most brutal of the genre; red herrings galore; some hysterically poor dubbing; and, a parade of 80s babes. There’s even an appearance by Bob The Annoying Kid from HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY in the movie-within-the-movie.
As a Baby Bava fan my mileage is probably greater than yours when it comes to flicks like A BLADE IN THE DARK and 1987’s DELIRIUM (starring Serena Grandi hubba hubba). But you could definitely do worse. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and Lamberto is his favorite Bava. A BLADE IN THE DARK is streaming on Amazon Prime and available on DVD and Blu-Ray.
George Eastman’s late 80s sci-fi-horror flick METAMORPHOSIS owes more than a little inspiration to Cronenberg’s version of THE FLY but with some wonderfully Eurotrashy flourishes. Peter Houseman (Gene Le Brock who looks like, as one pal said, the poor man’s Christian Bale) is a scientist at “Virginia University” who is trying to defy aging… perhaps DEATH!
When the suits try and shut him down and yank his funding, Houseman is determined to show results. And what better way to show results than to skip all those tiresome “trials” and go right to human testing. On himself!
Pretty soon Houseman is blacking out, assaulting hookers and college students (including Laura Gemsar), mutating and murdering associates while Sally The Financial Investigator He Boned (Catherine Baranov) is trying to find and cure him.
METAMORPHOSIS has a little bit of everything for the trash film fan, not to mention a bonkers price-of-admission-worthy ending. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and is using his free time to dive deep into the streaming vaults to find suitable entertainment. METAMORPHOSIS is streaming on Amazon Prime and is also available on Blu-Ray.
Archie (Scott Grimes of CRITTERS) is a teenage funeral home assistant for his uncle (John Astin). After some over-the-top bullying by high school jocks, a mortuary prank goes awry and Archie gets canned.
But when an accident turns his jocko adversaries and their big-haired gal pals into zombies it's up to Archie and his tomboy grease-monkey friend Charly (Chery Pollak of tv's THE HEIGHTS and MELROSE PLACE) to save the day.
NIGHT LIFE (aka GRAVE MISDEMEANOURS) takes its fine time getting going and fails to deliver on the horror while most of the comedy falls flat on its face. While it's certainly not the worst slice of 80s zombie horror comedy I've ever seen, it doesn't hold up favorably to similar "teens fight zombies" efforts like NIGHT OF THE CREEPS.
However, we will give bonus points for a completely gratuitous appearance by Tony Geary as a skinny-tie wearing, fast car driving smooth talker who tries to bed Charly. – Dan Taylor Thanks to Bruce Holecheck of CINEMA ARCANA for popping by with this slab of VHS sinema for our enjoyment. And don't be fooled by the trailer (below) that kinda tries to make it look like a vampire flick.
John Waters introduces 1972's PINK FLAMINGOS at exFest.
So, I can check "seeing PINK FLAMINGOS on the big screen with an introduction by John Waters" off my cinematic bucket list.
Spent Saturday up in Philadelphia hanging out with pals and catching the annual Exhumed Films exFest, a 12-hour celebration of all things exploitation.
While I still refer to their 24 Hour Horrorthon each October as "my Christmas", exFest is always a highlight of the spring thanks to its complete anything goes grab bag of chop sockey, spaghetti western, bikers, sexploitation and whatever else they foist upon attendees.
After a quick trip to the city from Maryland we gathered provisions and settled into the steamy theater (temperatures were pushing 90 outside making for a sweltering viewing experience) for seven slices of sinema:
DYNASTY (period martial arts mayhem with lots of gratuitous 3D action);
DEATH RIDES A HORSE (quality revenge-driven Spaghetti western with Van Cleef and John Philip Law);
NEW BARBARIANS (aka Enzo Castellari's WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND with Fred Williamson and "Timothy Brent" as they take on a band of gay post-apoc marauders led by George Eastman);
COMBAT COPS (aka ZEBRA KILLER which was like an odd DIRTY HARRY rip-off via blaxploitation with Austin Stoker from ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 as a no fucks given detective on the trail of a deranged killer);
Gregory Dark's STREET ASYLUM (a disappointing late 80s blend of action and sci-fi with Wings Hauser, G Gordon Liddy, Alex Cord and Sy Richardson that should have been MUCH better);
1972's LOVE ME DEADLY (slow moving but sorta intriguing movie about necrophilia from 1972 starring Mary Wilcox and Lyle Waggoner!);
and, finally, PINK FLAMINGOS with a surprise live intro from director John Waters.
Alas, the whole experience was a tad bittersweet as it was the first Exhumed event after the tragic, way-too-soon loss of our friend James "Doc Terror" Harris. Seeing James' smiling face in line always brightened my mood at these events and we'd catch up as we browsed the offerings from Diabolik or poured over the mysterious lineup (Exhumed doesn't share the titles for the exFest or Horrothon in advance). Between flicks we'd share quick opinions on what we just saw (often accompanied by friendly debate) and guesses about what we'd see next. I'd like to think that just some of Doc's enthusiasm and love for sinema rubbed off on me over the years and made me a more forgiving cinephile and a better person.
Time for another Troma Tuesday as Evan takes a look at the Maryland-lensed low-budget classic NIGHTBEAST from Don Dohler. I hadn't seen the flick since catching it at a local sci-fi and horror convention in the late 80s but Evan mentioned reviewing it for the blog so I went back for another look and concur that it's one of the finest pieces of trash ever released by Kaufman and Co. Look for MIDNIGHT MARQUEE publisher Gary Svhela and his father as locals who pull a dead girl from the back of their car.
When Troma distributes someone else's film, chances are it's a piece of shit that'll bore your dead grandmother to death. Thankfully though, this isn't always the case. Sometimes, Troma DOES hit pay dirt in their distribution acquisitions. Case in point: Don Dohler's NIGHTBEAST.
An alien craft crash lands near a small town and starts offing the clueless locals via ray gun, disembowelment and decapitation. Only Sheriff Cinder (Tom Griffith, who looks like the offspring of John Holmes and Mark Shannon) and his partner, Lisa (Karin Kardian) can stop the creature. Dohler regular Don Leifert appears in a small role as Drago, a biker who harasses the townsfolk.
NIGHTBEAST is a movie that knows its audience well. We ain't here for deep characterization or high drama: we wanna see the goony-lookin' alien get right down to business – business being disemboweling idiots and shooting them with a ray gun to make them vanish in a glorious flash of disco light (victims ain't "Stayin' Alive" here, folks). NIGHTBEAST moves along with zero fucks given, hardly stopping to take a breath other than when necessary. And it's one of the few movies to elicit some genuine tension from this viewer – something movies RARELY ever do. Bravo!
For a movie undoubtedly made on a budget of toe nail clippings and pocket lint, the special effects are about as good as it's gonna get. The optical effects look as though they were created using a disco lamp and the gore is what you'd expect from a low-budget film, i.e. cheap prosthetics and guts bought from Discount Butchers.
Whatever Troma was smoking when they picked up NIGHTBEAST for distribution they need to smoke more of it: of all the Troma-distributed films I've seen, NIGHTBEAST is definitely one of the best. No-bullshit entertainment is what NIGHTBEAST is all about, so do yourself a favor and take it up on the offer. – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER (including our mammoth 30th anniversary issue available from our website) and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about THE ORPHAN KILLER.
Ray Sharkey is a low-level bank employee who gets lured into helping a global silver magnate (Klaus Kinski) deal with a Latin American strongman (Armand Assante) who wants to seize back his country's silver mines.
Did I mention Sharkey's character was the college roomie of Assante's el presidente? Did I mention Sharkey was seduced by Kinski's exotic wife who he may or may not have known before? (My wife and I couldn't agree on that one.) Did I mention Sharkey's idea of "sexy" is a Fila track suit jacket that makes him look like a high school crossing guard?
Definitely weird and sorta existential – not surprising considering LOVE AND MONEY comes from the mind of FINGERS writer/director James Toback – the flick also features a whole subplot including Sharkey's delusional grandfather (King Vidor) and live-in book dealer galpal. Alas, not nearly enough time is spent on this storyline, which was the best part of this oddball flick.
One wonders if the Warner Archive print runs any longer as the VHS box includes scenes not in the print we watched, though this wouldn't be the first time a VHS sleeve lied to me. Klaus does have a juicy scene at a dinner party for Assante's character and he gets to kill a double-crosser, plus there's lots of short, barked lines of dialogue ("Bring Mr. Levin white wine and a lobster salad!") that made me think he told Toback he'd take the role on the condition that he got the most money for the fewest lines.
Alas, it's for Klaus Kinski and Ray Sharkey completists only. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect: The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media. Check out our 130-page 30th Anniversary Issue featuring horror anthologies, mens action novels, video store oddity THE JAR and much more. Available at Amazon, CreateSpace, ebay and the ER website. LOVE AND MONEY is available from Amazon. I can't find a trailer for the flick so here's a clip of Klaus Kinski talking about money...
I would normally be laying the blame on our Fearless Editor for allowing me to watch drivel. But I can't do that here. No sir: I'm personally accepting responsibility for my choosing to view MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986) – because I enjoyed it!
We already know the story: Earth passes through the tail of a comet which causes machines to go haywire (except for the ones in service to the plot). A group of mucho retardos, led by Billy (Emilio Estevez), take refuge in the Dixie Boy Truck Stop and try to survive.
Directed by a coked out Stephen King and featuring a bangin' soundtrack by AC/DC, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE is very much, in King's own words, a "moron movie" in terms of plotting, writing and characters. Even by B-movie standards, the inconsistencies on display set the bar very high for incompetence. Why don't ALL the machines come to life? Why do spigots come to life? Why don't the trucks trash the truck stop in the first twenty minutes? Why don't the characters try and escape in the first twenty minutes? Why do some guns come to life but others don't?
Of course, the answer to all these is very simple: the plot demands it. With zero fucks given, the movie plows along in overdrive from one scene to the next, running down common sense like an innocent pedestrian – then backing over it to run it down again. But I'll be goddamned if that doesn't make MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE 98-minutes of pure, dumb fun. Watching this movie unfold, it's not hard to imagine King burying his face in a huge pile of cocaine (a la Tony Montana) and snorting it up like a Hoover vacuum each day before shooting, a wide coke-grin smeared across his face as he attempts to direct.
If I really had make one complaint – "Just one!?" I hear our Fearless Editor screaming – about this film, it would be the cuts demanded by the MPAA which threatened to slap the film with an X-rating. Reportedly, the original uncut version made George A. Romero sick. One famous scene to end up on the cutting room floor was a boy's head exploding as he's crushed by a steamroller. Fuck you, MPAA!
MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE might not have the best reputation, but it's highly recommended if you're in the mood for some mindless fun filled with explosions and stupid decisions. And here's to hoping Stephen King will release the uncut version, which he supposedly has in his possession, sometime in the near feature. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER (including our mammoth 30th anniversary issues available from Amazon) and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about OVER THE TOP. MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE is available from Amazon.
The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media returns with a super-sized 30th anniversary issue clocking in at 130 pages!
This time out the ER Crew looks at the world of horror anthology films with a special review section featuring SLAUGHTER TALES (2012), TORTURE GARDEN (1967), THE UNCANNY (1977), TOMB OF TERROR (2004), HOLIDAYS (2016), GRIM PRAIRIE TALES (1990), ASYLUM (1972), THE BURNING MOON (1992), CRADLE OF FEAR (2007), SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT (1979) and many more. Plus, we look inside the world of 21st century anthology flicks with filmmaker Scarlet Fry.
We remember THE DESTROYER co-creator Warren Murphy with an interview by The Paperback Fanatic and examine the legacy of Don Pendleton's Mack Bolan (THE EXECUTIONER) and other men's action heroes via reviews, articles and an interview with author Mike Newton.
Obscure horror gets its due thanks to an interview with Gary Wallace (star of video store oddity THE JAR) while Evan Romero waxes nostalgic about Joe D'Amato's PORNO HOLOCAUST and breaks down the films of Jorg Buttgereit.
Longing for the sights, sounds and smells of old movie theaters? Take a trip through Kris Gilpin's theatrical scrapbook while Chris Poggiali examines the history of hot pants cinema.
And what would an issue of Exploitation Retrospect be without a bulging review section? Join Douglas Waltz, Mitch Lovell, John Grace, Devin Kelly, David Zuzelo, Jim Ivers, Evan Romero, Eric Miller, Neil Vokes, Robert Segedy, Mike Hauss and Dan Taylor as they dive deep into a video vortex of horror, action, exploitation and sleaze.
Recently named one of the Best DVD/Blu-Ray releases of 2016, the Blu-Ray of Takeshi Kitano's VIOLENT COP (1989) is now available for fans of Japanese cinema and gritty action flicks. Robert Segedy takes a look at this tale of a no nonsense detective taking the law into his own hands. WARNING: Review contains spoilers, so if you have not seen the film, take heed!
After reading many reviews comparing Takeshi Kitano's VIOLENT COP (1989) to Clint Eastwood and his Dirty Harry character, I soon grew tired of that analogy. VIOLENT COP is and isn't like Eastwood's famous character. Kitano puts his own trademark, but nevertheless odd, spin on a familiar theme: good/bad cop is angry and filled with scorn for today's criminals and fellow lawmen, so he decides to act accordingly and disobey the upper echelon of command, sets about delivering his own brand of justice and ultimately ends up being fired from the police force and goes it alone. And that's putting a very simple spin on a relatively complex character; Kitano's detective is an army of one, answering to no one, delivering justice with one slap, one kick, and one bullet at a time. At the same time, his character is multi-faceted; he's loyal to a fellow detective discovered selling drugs; he's protective of his sister, just released from the hospital; but, he's also tight with his money, engages in illegal betting, and constantly borrows money from his colleagues. He may resemble Dirty Harry in his policing techniques, but it's impossible to know what's happening inside his head.
VIOLENT COP was Kitano's directorial debate and the film (as written by Hisashi Nozawa) was initially planned as a comedy. When director Kinji Fukusaku had problems with Kitano's film schedule he dropped out, so Kitano rewrote the script and starred in and directed it. Kitano was well known to Japanese audiences, but his persona wasn't of a dramatic nature, he was seen as a fast-talking motor-mouth comedian. Japanese audiences were used to seeing Kitano as the host of various talk shows and part of a two-man comedy team named The Two Beats. He was also cast as a sadistic POW commander in Nagisa Oshima's MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. LAWRENCE (1983) opposite David Bowie and Tom Conte.
Azuma (Kitano) is a no nonsense drug enforcement detective. In the introduction to his character, we witness a group of Japanese youths take advantage of a homeless man as they beat the poor man senseless. The youths leave the scene of the crime and the camera follows one boy as he rides a bicycle home; Detective Azuma knocks on the door and flashes a badge to the boy's mother. Promising the mother that he just wants to talk to her son, he barges into the boy's bedroom and violently bitch slaps the shit out of the offender, making him promise that he and his friends will come to the squad room and surrender themselves. We are immediately made aware of Azuma's style: silent, quick to anger, fast with his feet and fists. The Japanese title of this film is "Suno otoke, kyobo nit suki", which translates in English to "That man, being violent." Kitano is indeed a violent cop.
As a character study, VIOLENT COP is a fascinating examination of an individual who is not afraid to take a stand against the bad guys of the world. Not letting the authority of the new commander bother him, Azuma is coerced into writing a letter of apology to a man that attacked several police officers, including hitting one man in the head with a baseball bat. Azuma hits him with a car after a lengthy chase scene. A streak of black comedy runs throughout the film; when a bartender asks him and his partner what line of work are they in, Azuma replies "Mail order guns".
Azuma's facial expressions barely register; there is a stillness that is present before he explodes into an act of violence, his face a frozen mask, his eyes black and lifeless. Kitano as a director favors long takes with a still camera, his character usually looking directly into the lens. Instead of a pulsing rock soundtrack, Kitano prefers to use a light, almost classical score that acts as a counterpoint to the action on the screen. The piano theme heard several times during the movie is Erik Satie's "Gnossienne No.1".
Fans of violence will find much to enjoy here as Azuma meets his match in an ultra-violent criminal counterpart, Kiyohiro (Ryu Haku), a killer that is partial to sadistic acts and relishes seeing his opponent cower in fear. Azuma and Kiyohiro face off in a nasty scene that involves Azuma being stabbed repeatedly from behind, but for reasons unknown, he lets his adversary walk away from him, perhaps to leave him to fight another day. This reminded me of the relationship between Batman and The Joker; the men are twisted reflections of the other, identical except in which side of the law their allegiance lies. That may be a rather simple analogy, but this film is not that simple to decipher; each viewing brings another layer of understanding to these complex characters.
[WARNING: Spoilers Follow!]
After Azuma is fired from the police department, he finds himself free to completely embrace his bad side and he dedicates himself to ridding the world of the assassin Kiyohiro, his boss Nito (Ittoku Kishibe) and anyone else that is affiliated with the underworld. In a finale that mirrors the bloodbath ending of films like TAXI DRIVER (1976) and CHINATOWN (1974), Azuma coldly tracks down Kiyohiro and his motley gang to a warehouse where they have been busy amusing themselves by raping his sister (Maiko Kawakami) and consequently addicting her to heroin. Even before Azuma arrives Kiyohiro has offed three of his crew. Azuma fearlessly enters the warehouse and after a long take, steadily walks toward the assassin, who empties two revolvers at Azuma; but at this point nothing can stop the avenging ex-policeman, and even though badly wounded, he finishes the killer off with a shot to the forehead. His drug addicted sister, pleading for another fix, gets a bullet for her trouble while Azuma is killed by one of Nito's henchmen, who shakes his head in disgust at this waste of life.
In the final scene, we see Azuma's former partner Kikuchi (Maiko Kawakami), once a bumbling rookie, now a slick looking agent, taking the place of drug dealing detective Iwaki (Shigeru Hiraizumi). VIOLENT COP comes full circle as Kikuchi has become a composite of both Azuma and Iwaki. This was Kitano's directorial debut and the film still packs a punch 26 years later. Kitano would go on to direct several other films including SONATINE (1993) and OUTRAGE (2010).
VIOLENT COP arrives on a 50GB Blu-ray from Film Movement framed at 1.85.1 widescreen in an AVC encoded transfer. The Blu-ray is produced by Film Movement Classics and features the film, a documentary (That Man is Dangerous: The Birth of Takeshi Kitano Featurette), a Japanese preview of the film and a new HD re-release trailer, as well as six other Film Movement trailers. The package contains a booklet featuring an essay by Tom Vick as well as cast and crew credits. – Robert Segedy Robert Segedy is a published author who resides in North Carolina; his interests include intense films, esoteric writings, and true crime. He previously wrote about the film SESSION 9.
A couple summers ago my father-in-law and I were killing time between sitting on the beach and having cocktails when he flipped to OVER THE TOP (1987) on one of the cable channels. A sucker for a sports movie he settled in even though he had never seen it and it was about halfway through. In an attempt to bring him up to speed I started explaining the movie's plot as well as the backstory behind Cannon paying Sly big bucks, conning some poor slobs to market OVER THE TOP toys, etc. I'm still not sure if he believes anything I told him that day. Naturally, when Evan Romero dropped a hint that he'd be willing to review the flick for an upcoming VHS Wednesday, well, I couldn't resist. As long as I didn't have to watch it, too.
I don't know how in the hell I rope myself into reviewing stuff like OVER THE TOP for VHS Wednesdays. I guess I'm just real good at shooting myself in the foot. Of course our Fearless Editor saw me about to blow my big toe off, yet he did nothing to stop me. He knew my trepidation; knew how much I feared sticking this thing into my poor VCR. But there he sat, waiting to smile at my misfortune with some popcorn and a craft beer in hand.
Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) is a truck driver who walked out on his family ten years ago. His wife, Christina (Susan Blakley), is gearing up to croak and wants Lincoln to bond with his estranged son, Michael (David Mendenhall). When Christina kicks the bucket, Michael's grandfather (Robert Loggia) steps in to keep them apart – permanently! But this being an upbeat 80's movie, we all know it'll end happily with some paltry and inspirational philosophy dropped along the way. Oh, and there's some arm wrestling thrown in because they wanted to make a stupid version of ROCKY.
OVER THE TOP is so damn tacky you could hang a poster with it. At the same time, you have to give it to Cannon Films for having the audacity to take a truck driving film, a father/son bonding film and an arm wrestling film and roll it into one clump of idiotic rubbish, then serve it up on a platter of sheer stupidity. On the one hand, you wanna laugh at the harebrained proceedings as the film moves along with zero fucks given; on the other, you wanna castigate yourself for watching it and never show your face in public again. Sure, it's fun to poke fun at, but just know you'll be doing it more for reasons of desperately trying to preserve what little dignity you have left (but if you're watching OVER THE TOP, it probably means you had none to begin with).
Performance-wise, no one gives a crap. Stallone looks as though he's embarrassed for himself and those watching; he moves about the sets and says his lines because it's required of him. Robert Loggia, usually dependable, looks like he'd rather be getting a root canal and a colonoscopy at the same time. The arm wrestlers are antagonizing in that 80's wrestling style and come off like cartoons – and not in a good way. Watch out for one who looks like Discount Apollo Creed.
I regret going one-on-one with OVER THE TOP. It's hot, buttery caca made for the sole purpose of showing that men with muscles can also have emotions (it fails). If it really wanted to be a good flick, it should have been about Lincoln losing the arm wrestling match and Michael, then turning into a psychotic truck driver and chasing down Dennis Weaver. Now THAT would have been a film worth watching. And one less embarrassing. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about Troma's TERROR FIRMER. OVER THE TOP is available from Amazon, you sick bastard.
I've been a fan of horror anthologies since I was a little kid and my Mom sat me down to watch DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS... but you can read all about that in the upcoming Exploitation Retrospect #53 due out later this month. In the meantime here's a review of the twisted 1986 portmanteau DEADTIME STORIES ripped screaming from the pages of ER #5 originally published in May 1987. Not to be confused with the wretched DEADTIME STORIES hosted by George Romero, this fun flick features Scott Valentine and was directed by Jeffrey Delman, who would not helm another feature until 2002's RANDOM SHOOTING IN LA.
Every once in a great while a film comes along that successfully blends the broad aspects of horror and comedy. Of course, there are always films that try: HOUSE, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, etc. However, there are some that can combine the two: TOXIC AVENGER, RE-ANIMATOR, CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH, and just added to this list is the fiendishly funny DEADTIME STORIES.
The film is a very low budget horror anthology flick built around this tried and true premise. A young boy is staying with his uncle, and because he is afraid of the dark he requests to hear some bedtime stories. Well, Uncle Mark is a bit demented, so he gives the kid what he wants.
The first story stars a young Scott Valentine, a current teen heartthrob due to his role on TV's 'Family Ties' and his starring role in the current MY DEMON LOVER. He stars as a young boy who has sold himself into the services of two witches. The witches are trying to raise their sister from the dead, and Valentine's character must help them get the necessary ingredients. The tale has some intense effects, such as a severed hand that seems to take on a life of its own, a face-hugging heart, and (in the highlight of the film), the retransformation of the dead witch: she begins as an old, decayed skeleton and ends up as a full, revengeful demon bitch!
The second story is a modern-day update of "Little Red Riding Hood" which is skewed due to the fact that Uncle Mark was watching the 'Miss Nude Bayone' Competition on the tube. Red (or Rcahel [sic] as she's called) is now a firm-bodied high school cheerleader who picks up the wrong prescription at the store. So, the big bad wolf (dressed in leather pants and skinny tie) comes looking for her and the story follows the familiar pattern all the way until the infamous "Grandma, what big teeth you have" line.
The final story is a wickedly funny retelling of the "Goldilocks and the 3 Bears" tale. This time Goldi Loxx (named after Golda Meir!!) is a psychotic killer who keeps the corpses of her dead suitors in the house. When "Papa" and "Baby" Baer escape from a mental institution with the help of "Momma" Baer they head for their hideout in the woods – where Goldi just happens to be staying. Naturally, Goldi fits right in with the family and they combine their powers to rob and create general mayhem everywhere they can. The most incredible scene in the film comes when "Baby" Baers [sic] plays a game of "She Loves Me/She Loves Me Not" with the severed arm of one of Goldi's victims.
This is a twisted film, and a fine example of what horror anthologies should be more like. I highly recommend DEADTIME STORIES, so see it quick or wait for the inevitable video release. Four stars. (R) – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect, which celebrates 30 years of existence this month. You can read more about his love of horror anthology flicks in the new issue, available soon. He last wrote about FUTURE FORCE for VHS Wednesday. DEADTIME STORIES is available from Amazon.
Despite its reputation, watching Bruno Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES (aka HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD) was a watershed moment in my appreciation of trash cinema. ER co-founder and longtime pal Lou Goncey and I rented it on VHS one September evening and enjoyed the hell out of its mix of zombies, bloodshed, gore, nature footage, Play-Doh masks and borderline incoherence. In other words, we'd found a movie to champion. A few weeks later we watched in amazement as a print of the flick – under the title HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD – unspooled at the Super 130 Drive-In on a cool, nearly deserted October evening. Naturally, when the projectionist/security guard started showing the reels out of order we got out of our lawn chairs, hid our beers and made our way back to the "projection booth" to inform him of his error. What we got instead was a shrug of the shoulders as he admitted "yeah, I know... I just didn't think anybody would care!". That event only enhanced the film in my eyes and it remains a favorite of the genre to this day. So, when Evan Romero professed his mutual love for the flick and offered up an appreciation of the VHS for a combo 31 Days of Fright/VHS Wednesday, how could I resist...
When Bruno Mattei's name is on the marquee, everyone is guaranteed to have a good time. With NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES, not only do you get Mattei, but you get gut-munching zombies as well! Seriously, what's not to love?
A facility called the Hope Center leaks a toxic chemical which turns people into zombies. Elsewhere, a team of commandos dispatches some eco-terrorists, then head to the Hope Center as all communication has been lost. En route they encounter a female reporter and her Yanni look-a-like assistant, who accompany them on their mission. Standing between the group and their destination are hordes of flesh-eating zombies ready to chow down at a moment's notice! Can our heroes elude the living dead and make it out alive? Or will they become nothing more than zombie fodder?
NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES has a reputation as being one of the worst zombie films ever made. I mean, with the crack team of Mattei behind the camera and TROLL 2's Claudio Fragrasso behind the script, what else should you expect? Sure, the flick is a bit loopy and unpolished, and it "borrows" liberally from other sources (Goblin's DAWN OF THE DEAD score and footage from the 1976 documentary THE REAL CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST being the most obvious), but if good films are all about providing entertainment, then NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES is a good film.
What NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES lacks in refinement it more than makes up for in fun, and the first ten minutes shows it isn't here to fuck around. Wham! Bam! Zombies! Oh, you wanted some build-up and character development? Forget it pal – this is Mattei. The best you're gonna get is right here, right now; and some walking, talking cardboard cutouts. But hey, you do get Zantoro, played by Frank Garafalo, one of the coolest characters ever to traipse through a zombie movie. Oh, and you get a commando who likes to engage in a bit of cross-dressing. Green tutus and top hats never looked so good.
Of course you get plenty of guts and crimson spillage. Gorehounds, rejoice! Fun is at hand! And I've got to admit the effects are pretty solid. And where else are you gonna see a cat tear its way out of a zombie's stomach? Talk about indigestion... Oh, and did I mention that NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES contains one of the coolest zombie kills ever to grace the silver screen?
If I really had to bitch about anything, it's that the VHS transfer from Creature Features is horrible. Everything is dark and fuzzy and grainy – so much so that at times it is hard to tell what is going on, especially during the village attack. Was that a zombie that just passed by? Who's shooting who? Hello, I'd like a bit of light with my nighttime so I can tell just what in the hell is going on! Thankfully though, the DVD from Blue Underground (under the title HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD) is clearer than Caribbean waters. So pick that one up if you can.
NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES is tacky, wacky, crude, cheesy – in short, a poor man's zombie film. But it is a whole helluva lotta fun, guaranteed to go well with your beer. So check it out and make this an October worth remembering. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about MAD COW for Troma Tuesday. NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES aka HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD is available from Amazon (on a double feature BluRay with Mattei's RATS: A NIGHT OF TERROR).
A couple weeks ago ER contributor Evan Romero wrote up his initial impressions of David Prior's shot-on-video head-scratcher SLEDGEHAMMER and it sent me scrambling back through the ER-chives for my own review. While scanning the review I noticed that I mentioned a couple other Prior credits including FUTURE FORCE with David Carradine and Robert Tessier... which I'd just grabbed during a men's action novel and VHS haul at a local thrift store. In other words, The Trash Gods were informing me that 1989's FUTURE FORCE was next up in the VHS Wednesday rotation.
Set in the really not very distant future of 1991 (!), FUTURE FORCE posits a world where crime is out of control. Prisons are overloaded, gun battles take place in our streets and the privatization of law and order by the Civilian Operated Police State (or COPS) has pretty much meant the death of justice as we know it. On the mean streets of 1991 you're presumed guilty until proven innocent, although you still have to go to the DMV.
"Action superstar" David Carradine stars as John Tucker, the COPS-iest of the COPS, a nut-punching, teeth-busting, denim-wearing, paunchy badass who gets intel from wheelchair-bound Billy (shades of Oracle!) and keeps a bionic arm complete with cool computer lightning effects and a laser in the trunk of his car.
Carradine isn't happy with either the state of COPS or the condition of his fellow cops and it's easy to see why. They spend most of their down time in sleazy strip clubs and they're all pretty out of shape. (The flick practically screams for the presence of the one and only Rick Dean as Carradine's boozy sidekick.)
When a nosy reporter threatens to expose COPS, the company's CEO puts a $100,000 bounty on her head for the crime of treason and it ends up pitting the bored-looking Carradine against his fellow bounty hunters once he's declared "wanted dead or alive".
Borderline entertaining and slightly Troma-esque, my viewing of FUTURE FORCE was helped out considerably by a couple glasses of high-powered viewing booze (aka pints of 9% ABV Troegs Nimble Giant) and a brief appearance by Dawn Wildsmith and the most outrageous mall hair this side of South Jersey circa 1984.
Points off for no trailers at the beginning of the flick but bonus points for a scenery chewing performance from Robert Tessier (THE LONGEST YARD's Mr. Shokner) and the great 80s/90s villain attire worn by COPS CEO Jason Adams (DEADLY PREY's William Zipp). If only the action had been more kung-fu than kung-eh, but really we just want to see Carradine and the remote control arm take out the baddies.
Not the off-the-wall action spectacle I was hoping for from Prior, but just what you need when your daughter and her friends are tying up the big screen TV with a Harry Potter movie. Prior also directed the 1990 followup FUTURE ZONE in which John Tucker's son (Ted Prior, the director's brother) goes back in time to save Papa John (Carradine) from being killed by thugs. And, yes, I need my head examined because I'm actively in search of a copy of the sequel.
In the meantime, David Carradine will visit a future VHS Wednesday in CRIME ZONE (with Sherilyn Fenn) and we'll go back to the future with FUTURE WAR (starring Daniel Bernhardt) and FUTURE FEAR (with the killer cast of Jeff Wincott, Maria Ford and Stacy Keach!). – Dan Taylor
If you love Nikkatsu flicks we've got good news for you.
First, David Zuzelo (and other contributors) will continue to tackle the subject in the upcoming ER 53. Second, Synapse Films' Impulse Pictures label has announced the next release in their Nikkatsu Erotic Films Collection, NURSE DIARY: BEAST AFTERNOON which is described as "wildly sexy and erotic... with strange science-fiction and horror overtones". You can pre-order the flick here.
In addition to ND: BA, Synapse/Impulse has also announced the 18th (!) volume in their 42nd STREET FOREVER: THE PEEP SHOW COLLECTION. And for those of us who were smitten with her back in the day, this installment – and Vol. 17 (due out in September) – features an appearance by the one and only Seka. You can pre-order Volume 18 here.
Looking for more on Nikkatsu flicks? Be sure to check out David Z's look at several volumes in the series in Exploitation Retrospect 52, available from our website and Amazon.
September is almost here and that means many things to your humble editor, including the start of the US Open (my favorite tennis tournament of the year) and the kickoff of the NFL season (though both my teams figure to suck). But – and anybody with kids can relate – it also means back to school. And though I love the carefree summer months, afternoons hanging at the pool, sleeping late, day trips, etc., the return to the classroom means some quiet time for Dad and the chance to tackle work – both paying and non-paying varieties – with more regularity. In other words, ER 53 is right back on track and we'll be updating the blog with a couple regular installments on a weekly basis thanks to contributors like Evan Romero, who continues to wade through the latest stack of Tromatic review discs. This time, though, it looks like Lloyd Kaufman and Co. have actually found a way to soothe the sometimes savage reviewer...
Toxie is back and ready to rock 'n' roll in his third outing, THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE. This installment gets a bad rap and is often ranked as the nadir of the series. In all honesty though, it's actually pretty enjoyable.
Toxie has successfully rid Tromaville of all evil and crime. But what is he supposed to do now? Relegated to making sure that old ladies don't cheat at cards or that children eat their veggies, Toxie begins feeling like a failure and starts looking about for a new job. Fortunately for Toxie, it just so happens that Apocalypse, Inc. want Toxie for their new spokesperson to help lead Tromaville towards a brighter future. But is this future really all that bright for the residents of Tromaville? Or do Apocalypse, Inc. have a far more diabolical future in store for Tromaville?
Okay, first off, the DVD/Blu-ray combo pack includes the Theatrical Cut on Blu-Ray and the Director's Cut on DVD. This review will refer to the Theatrical Version. The runtime difference between the two is 19 seconds.
Anyways, THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III was shot at the exact same time as PART II - because it's made up of leftover footage from the second installment. Talk about savin' a few bucks. So yes, this does give the movie a cobbled-together feel. But if the movies of Michael Bay can find appreciation (and get a Criterion release), then damn it, Toxie's third flick can be enjoyed for what it is. I mean, it has all the goofy comedy and over-the-top antics that the others have. Plus, Toxie fights the Devil (played by Rick Collins, sort of a poor man's version of Tim Curry)! Seriously, what's not to like?
Okay granted, this installment isn't that gory, especially when compared to the previous two. Sure, it has a dude getting disemboweled, a dude's arm ripped off by a VCR, and a few other minor moments of crimson spillage, but who gives a shit? Gore or no gore, a flick had better deliver on the entertainment, which this flick does.
And just admit it; you've always wanted to see how Toxie would be as a yuppie. Yup, we get a yuppie Toxie. Hm, I smell a new Troma series brewing: THE YUPPIE AVENGER. Okay, maybe that won't be such a great idea...
Oh, and for those with a keen eye, there's a reference to the movie that the fourth installment ALSO makes reference to. Coincidence? Possibly. And what is the reference? I'm not tellin'.
While THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III doesn't come close to the greatness of the first installment or CITIZEN TOXIE, it's still a flick unworthy of the smashing it often gets. And while we're on the subject, lay off the second installment as well. They're both good flicks that provide plenty of entertainment.
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE is available in a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack. Special features include two audio commentaries, interviews, trailers, some Tromatic videos and more. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV for Troma Tuesday.
On Friday, July 29th The Big G returns to Japanese cinemas with GODZILLA RESURGENCE. And for those of us who complained that Gareth Edwards' 2014 GODZILLA featured too much crying Bryan Cranston and not enough, you know, Godzilla, this new flick seems to solve that problem. To celebrate the return of the big guy to the big screen Evan Romero takes a trip to the VHS vault with a look at GODZILLA 1985.
The first Godzilla flick I watched was 1998's GODZILLA. Though I often caught bits of the originals on television, I'd never been able to actually sit and watch them for whatever reason. At first, I enjoyed the 1998 version. But my cousin, who was a huge Godzilla fan, told me I needed to watch the originals and that they were far better. I asked for a suggestion; he offered GODZILLA 1985 (the Americanized version of THE RETURN OF GODZILLA). After watching it, I was hooked, and the 1998 version began fading from memory...
Godzilla is back and just as pissed off – and is making a beeline for Tokyo. His destruction of a Russian submarine makes the Russians furious and intent on using nuclear weapons against Godzilla. The Americans are here – with journalist Steve Martin (Raymond Burr) in tow – to make the film marketable in America. However, the Japanese don't need no help against Godzilla as they have a secret weapon: Super-X, an attack plane that blows shit up. Now, Godzilla must contend with this pesky metal fly while trampling Tokyo and its citizens. Will Godzilla succeed in leveling Tokyo? Or will the Japanese utilize legit science to lure Godzilla to yet another grave?
GODZILLA 1985 was billed as a direct sequel to GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS, ignoring all the installments in between. Here, Godzilla returns as the villain and as a metaphor for nuclear weapons. But we don't really give a crap about the metaphorical aspects of Godzilla: we just wanna see The Big G destroy some shit. GODZILLA 1985 delivers on this. He destroys buildings, melts tanks, stomps on pesky humans, and blows shit up with his radioactive breath. The little child in each of us will be going bonkers with glee.
Watching this as an adult, I noticed just how out of place the American-made footage is and it how much it impedes the flow of the movie. Really, the American footage is here for no reason other than marketing purposes. Hell, the only productive thing they do is stop a Russian-launched nuclear missile (this subplot was slightly altered for the American release). Other than that, it's just them tossing about ideas or making lame wisecracks or spouting hammy dialogue – or all three at once! Raymond Burr is here only to shoot down the military's ideas, look intense, and wax poetically about Godzilla. Oh, and to collect a paycheck.
The Japanese footage, on the other hand, flows smoothly and feels natural. While the characters are little more than cardboard cutouts for Godzilla to stomp on, you might actually find yourself caring about one or two of them and hope they survive Godzilla's Tokyo vacation (the one I wanted to survive, sadly, doesn't).
Despite its flaws, GODZILLA 1985 provides solid entertainment guaranteed to make you feel like a kid again. Even as an adult, it still ranks as my favorite Godzilla flick and I'll cherish it forever.
And, finally, THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is making its Blu-ray debut this September thanks to the fine folks at Kraken Releasing. Sadly though, due to legal issues, GODZILLA 1985 won't be coming with it. Still, fans should be excited to finally be able to view the original in all its Big G glory. I know I am. – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about SGT. KABUKIMAN NYPD for Troma Tuesday. GODZILLA 1985 is available from Amazon and THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is available for pre-order.
It was thirty years ago this summer that my buddy Lou and I decided that we needed an outlet for our voluminous opinions about the hundreds of movies that we were seeing each year. The next thing I knew we were out on the tennis courts, batting about names that smacked of both pretension and our love of trash cinema. And that, boys and girls, is how Exploitation Retrospect got its name. Though many of those early issues make me cringe with in-jokes, of-the-time references and attempts at aping better writers (like Joe Bob Briggs), there's still a nugget of a readable review here and there. In this new ER blog feature, I'll be going all Throwback Thursday on you (hashtag TBT!) as I dig through the photocopied pages of the original run of the zine (43 issues published between 1986 and 1995) and yank out something I'm not completely embarrassed to share. So, without further ado and inspired by Valerie Bertinelli's appearances on seemingly every Food Network show my kid watches, here's my look at Cannon's NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET from November 1987's ER #11...
How many times do we have to see the same tired plot thrown in our faces before it's finally put out to pasture? A crazy cop and a stable cop are partners on the brink of destruction. Their zany antics get them in trouble with the superiors, but they get the job done. One of them is divorced / separated / widowed, etc., but his work gets him through. Oh, did I mention the higher-up in the department who is leaking information to the bad guys? And just in case, throw in a little racial tension by making one cop black and the other white. (Or one Chinese and one white... or one Indian and one black... and so on.)
Ho hum... NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET is another in a countlessly long line of Oreo Cop retreads with plots more suited to the television screen than the silver screen. Okay, so the opening paragraph could also be used to describe the action hit LETHAL WEAPON, but at least that flick kept the action fast and furious enough that you didn't think about how idiotic, repetitive and familiar the plot really was. That flick also had credible actors like Mel Gibson, Danny Glover and Gary Busey to carry it off. NUMBER ONE has to rely on the questionable talents of Robert Carradine, Billy Dee Williams, Doris Roberts, Valerie Bertinelli and Peter Graves! No wonder this thing disappeared in a week!!!
The story concerns the exploits of Berzak (Carradine) and his partner Frank (Billy Dee). Oh, Berzak is divorced from Bertinelli and Frank plays the trumpet at night in jazz clubs. Ho boy! It seems that ol' Berzak has been watching some guy for years because he's convinced the guy is up to no good. It eventually... LED TO HIS DIVORCE (surprise, surprise)! Finally, after letting a witness they were extraditing get killed, the two partners begin to get close to the drug ring, only to be outwitted each time when the criminal seems to have... INSIDE INFORMATION!!! This is so original!!!
The story jerks along from point A to point Z, barely connecting all the dots in between, and barely keeping me awake as well. The few action sequences are as exciting as watching bread mildew, and it doesn't help that Carradine couldn't act his height let alone convincingly portray and over-the-edge cop!!! (I noticed I'm using the triple exclamation point a lot in this review... this is rarely a good sign!) Billy Dee is no great shakes either and you keep waiting for him to start talking about all the great women he gets when he's plowed out of his skull on Colt 45. I even felt bad for Peter Graves, who still looks like he's embarrassed for appearing in AIRPLANE!
NUMBER ONE ranks right up there with some of the most unwatchable dreck Golan and Globus have ever dumped on us. There are the same guys that have given us AMERICAN NINJA 2, AVENGING FORCE and UNDER COVER? I find this hard to believe. One star. It could have been one and a half if Bertinelli had gone nude, but it was negatory on the celebrity skin so points had to be deducted. – Dan Taylor Post Mortem: The credits for NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET reveal some interesting names. The screenplay is credited to a number of scribes including Gail Morgan Hickman, who wrote the story for the mediocre Dirty Harry flick THE ENFORCER as well as the Bronson vehicles MURPHY'S LAW and DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN. Unfortunately, other screenplay credits go to SNL writer Rob Riley, Andrew Kurtzman (who also contributed to such delights as CAMP NOWHERE and DOWN PERISCOPE) and James "Don't Call Me Jim" Belushi. Given that pedigree it's a wonder veteran director Jack Smight (HARPER, NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY, AIRPORT 1975, MIDWAY, FAST BREAK and countless television shows) was able to make anything that resembled a coherent film. Future SIMPSONS composer Alf Clausen provides the music and in West Germany the flick was known by the more colorful title of DER BERSERKER, which sounds like an Olaf Ittenbach movie. NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET is available from Amazon.
