THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED (1969) European proto-slasher starring Lilli Palmer

The latest installment in my 60-for-60 Horror Challenge is this spooky, intense, psychological proto-slasher from Spain. 

Teresa is dropped off at a home for wayward girls by a "friend of her mother's". The school (wannabe prison) is run by Mademoiselle Fourneau (Lilli Palmer), a strict headmistress who uses spies among the students to ferret out secrets and information. 

Teresa strikes up a friendship with Fourneau's son Louis, who is frequently reminded that the girls there are no good for him. When girls begin disappearing and her torment at the hands of Fourneau's flunkies gets to be too much, Teresa plans her escape. 

Top notch European horror that would influence genre classics including SUSPIRIA and PIECES. — Dan Taylor

KRIMI! Issue One Debuts

 I'm pleased to report that the new magazine KRIMI! The Magazine for Continental European Crime Cinema Culture is available now from old pal Holger Haase. 

Krimi, for those who are unfamiliar, is short for Kriminafilm (crime film), a series of German-language crime movies that were popular in the 1960s and early 1970s. Often based upon the works of author Edgar Wallace, the films were populated with mysterious villains, intricate plots, and red herrings aplenty. (The one and only Klaus Kinski was a frequent krimi ko-star.)

The debut issue is lavishly illustrated and clocks in at more than 200 pages of information, history, analysis, reviews and more. 

For more on the debut issue and worldwide ordering links, visit the Krimi! Magazine blog. — Dan Taylor

Ghosthouse aka La Casa 3: Ghosthouse (1988) written and directed by Umberto Lenzi

During a lifetime of film viewing, I have made it a habit to always finish a movie. I’ve only walked out of two films (A FINE MESS and REVENGE OF THE NERDS 2) and have spent countless nights going back and finishing flicks that have repeatedly put me to sleep out of some strange sense of “journalistic integrity” (I’m looking at you, HOUR OF THE ASSASSIN starring Eric Estrada).

So, it struck me odd that when I flipped on Umberto Lenzi’s GHOSTHOUSE (directed under the pseudonym Humphrey Humbert), I had the sneaking suspicion that I’d seen it before. The opening scenes of doll-inspired violence, the dorky ham radio operator hearing strange pleading and screams … it all seemed familiar. 

But as the film progressed—and reached a moment where someone freaks out because there’s a decapitated head tumbling around a clothes dryer—I decided that I must have visited GHOSTHOUSE and never returned. Because I know one thing about me—I would have definitely finished a movie with a head in a dryer.

Unfortunately, what follows is a pretty pedestrian, late 80s Italian horror film that tries to ape the haunting stylishness of Dario Argento while also attempting to paint the screen read ala Lucio Fulci. Alas, you can’t have it both ways.

Paul and his girlfriend Martha (who resembles a pretty version of Maggie Gyllenhall) hear the aforementioned pleading and screams and decide to investigate. They eventually arrive at the infamous Baker house, where the film’s tragic opening scenes occurred. There they meet up with fellow ham radio dork Jim, his siblings Tina and Mark, and Susan, Mark’s girlfriend. Mayhem ensues when Jim gets killed by a possessed fan (echoing the sounds heard over the radio by Paul and Martha) and Tina is attacked by creepy caretaker Valkos.

Eventually, the two groups split up, with Paul and Martha investigating the home’s history while Tina, Mark and Susan stick around the house where they encounter demon dogs, possessed campers, faucets that flow with blood, and a basement pit filled with skulls and deadly goo.

It’s all pretty stupid and confusing, but the music by Piero Montanari and a fast-paced last half-hour make up for the slog of the first hour. — Dan Taylor

Der Schwarze Abt (1963, aka The Black Abbott) starring Klaus Kinski, Joachim Fuchsberger, Eddi Arent

If you're a Klaus Kinski fanatic, you're bound to become a krimi watcher. It's impossible to neglect this crucial, early chapter in his career, which includes close to two dozen films made during the 1960s. THE BLACK ABBOTT (aka DER SCHWARZE ABT) is one of Klaus's earliest krimi appearances, falling between THE BLACK COBRA (DIE SCHWARZE KOBRA) and THE INDIAN SCARF (DAS INDISCHE TUCH), all 1963.

Most, if not all, the krimis I've seen – and my exposure has been admittedly sparse – have been of the "whodunit" variety, with a masked or unseen figure carrying off a spate of crimes that leave sleuths of the professional and amateur type scratching their heads. Red herring after red herring is laid at the viewer's feet until everything comes careening together in a last-minute unmasking that's filled with twists, turns and the inevitable revelation of false identities.

It's no wonder these flicks give me a headache.

The plotting is typically dense despite their compact running times, background info on characters is often sketchy and picked up on the fly, and you'd need a scorecard to keep track of the intertwining relationships of everybody involved. THE BLACK ABBOTT is no exception, though it's far less of a "whodunit" than it is a thriller packed with traditional krimi elements.

Krimi regular Joachim Fuchsberger (DER HEXER's Inspector Higgins) stars here as Dick Alford, cousin and administrator to Lord Chelford (Dieter Borsche), the last lord of Fossaway Manor. When hunter Mr. Smooth gets offed by the hooded Black Abbott in the film's pre-credit sequence, Inspector Puddler (Charles Regnier) and comic relief assistant Horatio Smith (omnipresent Eddi Arent) arrive in order to get to the bottom of things.

Naturally, there's no shortage of villains and nefarious types to choose from. There's Gilder (Werner Peters of THE THOUSAND EYES OF DR. MABUSE), a blackmailing corporate secretary leading a double life as a bookie who lusts after Leslie, the sister of his employer, Arthur Gine (Harry Wustenhagen). Gine, of course, is a degenerate gambler who has unwittingly paid hundreds of thousands of pounds to Gilder through the years and also happens to be embezzling from the Chelford fortune. Mary Wenner (Eva Ingeborg Scholz) is a heartless gold-digger with designs on becoming Lady Chelford so she can get her hands on the legendary Chelford treasure.

Alford is no prince, either. He's up to some kind of shenanigans with his cousin's physician, Dr. Loxon (Friedrich Schoenfelder) all the while taking horseback rides and long walks with Leslie Gine (Grit Bottcher), his cousin's intended. Got that? If so, maybe you can explain it all to me.

Last, but certainly not least, is Kinski as Thomas Fortuna, the detached, almost robotic butler of Fossaway Manor. A whimsical smile dancing across his lips, the role of the butler who is more than he appears to be is perfectly suited to Kinski's icily superior air. In one of my favorite exchanges in the witty script, Lord Chelford informs Fortuna that "The more I see you the more I dislike you" to which the butler replies, "I regret, my lord, that my face annoys you."

As I said, THE BLACK ABBOTT is less a whodunit than a thriller with Lord Chelford slowly but surely embracing his paranoia about everybody and descending into complete madness. Mary and Gilder team up to search for the hidden treasure while the rest of the cast (or so it seems) starts hanging around the estate's gravel pit. And not one but two Black Abbotts appear along the way, with neither being the red herring I suspected.

I don't like divulging plot details, especially when it comes to krimis, so I'll end it there. The flick looks great, all crisp black and white with a splash of red thrown in at the beginning and end credits. The clever script by Johannes Kai and director Franz Josef Gottleib is a tad convoluted, but that's to be expected when compressing one of Wallace's novels into an 88-minute running time, and prolific composer Martin Bottcher does a nice job of contemporizing the staid pastoral setting with his funky score.

As for Klaus, I dug this performance more than his turn in 1961's DEAD EYES OF LONDON. He's condescending while at the same time deferential and his head often seems too big for his body, making him resemble a walking bobblehead. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor dug Klaus Kinski back before it was cool to dig Klaus Kinski.

Churchill's Leopards (1970) with Klaus Kinski, Richard Harrison

Richard Harrison—in a twist worthy of a Jean Claude Van Damme flick—stars as twin brothers (!), one a Nazi officer, the other a British commando. In an effort to cut off the German supply lines and leave them "hamstrung" (mmmm, hamstrung), Churchill himself concocts Operation: Overwatch (or something to that effect) which is designed to drill a hole in the base of the dam, plant some explosives and make it go BOOM. The surrounding area would be flooded, roads would be destroyed, and two Panzer divisions would be forced to eat one another. 

Klaus plays the suspicious, chain-smoking Captain Holtz who seems to think something is hinky with Lt. Muller (Harrison) right off the bat. Sooner or later, you know Klaus is going to get to the bottom of it, but you're not sure how. It's a meaty supporting role for K2 and he gives Holtz more personality beyond the typical evil SS officer with impeccable fashion taste. He has a sense of humor and appreciates the finer things in life. But he's not above taking 20 hostages to sweat a confession out of the townsfolk for the murder of two German soldiers. 

In the end it's a race against time as Muller's girlfriend (Helga Line of HORROR EXPRESS, HORROR RISES FROM THE TOMB, LORELEI'S GRASP and NIGHTMARE CASTLE) arrives and is sure to get to the bottom of the deception. Or will she? Other familiar faces include Frank Brana (RETURN OF THE BLIND DEAD) as a French Resistance fighter and Giacomo Rossi-Stuart (FIGHTING FISTS OF SHANGHAI JOE, CRIMES OF THE BLACK CAT, DEATH SMILED AT MURDER and tons more) as the head of the commando unit. 

Another nice package from Wild East. I'm sure it looks great compared to what was previously available and despite a couple audio glitches early on this is an entertaining "gotta blow up the dam", French Resistance and Brit Commandos vs. Evil Nazis flick. Contains a second Klaus-tastic WWII flick—SALT IN THE WOUND (aka THE LIBERATORS)—with the German Olivier as a Yank GI! – Dan Taylor

MACABRE (1980) directed by Lamberto Bava

“Prepare yourself for the shock of a lifetime!” 

Our deep dive into the Baby Bava Filmography continues with a first-time screening of 1980’s MACABRE (aka MACABRO, THE FROZEN TERROR), his first full-length feature and a doozy of a debut. Based on “actual events” in the American south, MACABRE follows horny middle-aged Jane Baker (Bernice Stegers) as she ditches her bratty kids once hubby splits and heads to her love nest for a romp with her boyfriend Fred (Roberto Posse). When she gets an alarming phone call from her daughter Lucy (Veronica Zinny) the adulterous couple hop into a car, unaware that Fred will meet a tragic end that sends Jane straight into a mental hospital.

Upon release, Jane takes up permanent residence in her love nest above the home of Robert (Stanko Molnar), a blind trumpet repairman (!) who is harboring a crush on the flirty, flighty Jane. It isn’t long before Jane is unpacking her Weird Fred Shrine (complete with newspaper headlines from the accident and, um, his old credit card) and creepy Lucy starts showing up to play mind games on good old mom.

Bava, directing from a script he co-wrote with Pupi Avati – among others – maintains a leisurely pace throughout as Jane runs around in her nightie, takes baths, teases Robert, freaks out at Lucy, and has – what sounds like – ghost sex with old dead Fred. The “Southern accent” dubbing doesn’t do the flick any favors but Stegers performs with gusto and there’s plenty of bare flesh, sweat and weirdness to maintain interest.

It all comes to a head in a pretty bonkers final reel as Robert decides to get to the bottom of Jane’s mysterious lover while mother and daughter fight for title of Craziest Baker Family Member. Be sure to stick around for the shocker ending but steer clear of most of the posters and lobby cards that spoil the fun. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and he advises that if you have not seen MACABRE you should not watch the spoiler-filled trailer below! You've been warned...

MACABRE is streaming on Amazon Prime and is also available in many physical formats.

METAMORPHOSIS (1989) Directed by George Eastman

“He’s not a man. He’s a worm.”

George Eastman’s late 80s sci-fi-horror flick METAMORPHOSIS owes more than a little inspiration to Cronenberg’s version of THE FLY but with some wonderfully Eurotrashy flourishes. Peter Houseman (Gene Le Brock who looks like, as one pal said, the poor man’s Christian Bale) is a scientist at “Virginia University” who is trying to defy aging… perhaps DEATH!

When the suits try and shut him down and yank his funding, Houseman is determined to show results. And what better way to show results than to skip all those tiresome “trials” and go right to human testing. On himself!

Pretty soon Houseman is blacking out, assaulting hookers and college students (including Laura Gemsar), mutating and murdering associates while Sally The Financial Investigator He Boned (Catherine Baranov) is trying to find and cure him.

METAMORPHOSIS has a little bit of everything for the trash film fan, not to mention a bonkers price-of-admission-worthy ending. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and is using his free time to dive deep into the streaming vaults to find suitable entertainment.

METAMORPHOSIS is streaming on Amazon Prime and is also available on Blu-Ray.

EXTREME JUKEBOX (2013) Directed by Alberto Bogo

I hope everybody is enjoying the long Prez Day weekend. I'm trapped in the office working on a freelance project while a wintry mix peppers ER HQ (again) so Evan Romero has kindly chipped in and taken the promising looking EXTREME JUKEBOX off the teetering review stack. Take it away, Evan...

An Italian horror flick!? There was no lumberyard that could compete with the amount of wood I was sporting. But wait – released by Troma!? Ho ho! NOW we're talkin'! Firing EXTREME JUKEBOX up, I anticipated my TV screen to be running with glorious scarlet and Tromatic hilarity of overdose proportions.

So imagine my and my woody's disappointment when EXTREME JUKEBOX turned out to be a pretty mediocre flick, flatter than the disc it comes on.

Jessie Cake (Alessio Cherubini), lead singer of metal band Grave Tomba, idolizes singer David Crystal (Maurizio Lastrico) who vanished twenty years ago. Breaking into Crystal's house in Nova Springs, Jessie finds an unreleased single of Crystal's called "Emily Palmer Was Alive." Playing it awakens a masked killer who – you guessed it – begins offing people left and right. There's another killer, dubbed "Naughty Rocky Boy" by the police, who's slaughtering people as well. And there's also a third one that pops up once. Now, it's up to Jessie and his friends to stop the killers... even though none of them seem particularly alarmed about the killers killing people...

First off, I have to take issue with Lloyd Kaufman's introduction to this movie where he claims that EXTREME JUKEBOX is the most demented Italian film since DEEP RED. Um, no. There are FAR more demented Italian films than DEEP RED, and far more demented Italian films than EXTREME JUKEBOX. Come on, CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST anyone?

Okay, moving on to the movie itself. EXTREME JUKEBOX is a bit hard to follow and feels like a rough cut. It doesn't seem to have any goal in mind, instead preferring to just be a collection of scenes loosely tied together to form a semblance of a plot. Many times I found myself wondering what exactly was going on. And it's not helped by the fact that several scenes in the movie serve no purpose. What was the purpose of the two guys browsing in a record store shown at various points throughout the movie? What about the discussion between Don Kappa (Pino Scotto) and Terrance Holler (himself) talking about rock 'n' roll? These scenes don't serve the "plot" in any way (at least no way I could discern), so it's safe to conclude they're just here to pad the runtime.

"But are the kills any good?" I hear you asking. Aside from one they're all pretty lackluster and a few even happen off-screen. So those looking for kills in the Grand Italian Tradition will be sorely disappointed. Your average American slasher contains more on-screen deaths (and more violent ones at that) than EXTREME JUKEBOX.

And for a horror film with heavy metal and rock 'n' roll pumping through its veins, the soundtrack is pretty weak. The heavy metal heard throughout is more like aluminum and we don't even get the benefit of a thumpin' and rockin' Italian synth score. So yeah, nothin' here will find its way onto your iPod or MP3 player.

But the biggest problem with EXTREME JUKEBOX is that it completely lacks energy and vitality. But that kind of seems to be the case with fanboy films: all passion but no clue how to channel it properly. And, though it's billed as a "comedy/horror," it isn't the slightest bit funny.

And I take SERIOUS issue with the fact that heavy metal babes are plentiful yet there is not ONE bare breast, ass, or beaver in sight. UNACCEPTABLE!

Overall, EXTREME JUKEBOX is more like MILD JUKEBOX. No comedy, minimal gore, aluminum instead of heavy metal, no bangin' Italian soundtrack and the energy level of a rock earns EXTREME JUKEBOX a place in the Dust Collector pile.

EXTREME JUKEBOX is presented in Italian with English subtitles and the Blu-ray extras include a trailer, a Making Of featurette (which is as dull as the movie), information on the Rainbow Project (a charity started by Pino Scutto and his fiancée), some "Tromatic Extras," and a photo gallery. – Evan Romero

Evan Romero spends much of his time reading morally-questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com, or at PopHorror.com.

EXTREME JUKEBOX is available at Amazon.

BLACK EMANUELLE, WHITE EMANUELLE aka VELLUTO NERO (1976)

I have to give credit to Brunello Rondi for somehow keeping me watching 1976's BLACK EMANUELLE, WHITE EMANUELLE (aka VELLUTO NERO) a plotless softcore romp through Egypt. It's hard to even classify this as an Emanuelle flick as star Laura Gemser isn't playing the same photo-journalist character as in EMANUELLE IN AMERICA or EMANUELLE AND THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE.

This time out she's "the world's most famous model" and is in Egypt for some reason with boyfriend / photographer Carlo (played by real life husband Gabriele Tinti), a repugnant douchebag who verbally, physically and sexually assaults Laura when he's not making her pose next to rotting dog corpses or piles of dead bodies. And, if that's not enough to make you hate him, in one scene he wears a Boston Bruins shirt!

On the plus side all four of the female leads including a nympho mother and her two daughters – one a borderline psychotic, the another a manipulative minx with Annie Lennox's haircut – all get nude. Frequently.

Al Cliver (ZOMBIE, DEVIL HUNTER) shows up as some kind of mystical deep thinker who gets oral from the mom then gets it on with her and the oldest daughter (the oddly hot Ziggy Zanger) while an aging Hollywood queen caresses them all. The whole perplexing thing climaxes at some Egyptian ruins, though Laura is nowhere to be found, probably exhausted from the previous night's hypnotism and goat sacrificing.

While the flick has a beginning, a middle and an end that's about the only things it shares with, you know, movies. The story meanders along at its own head-scratching "pace", teasing the viewer with the thought that something of consequence might happen, only to toss in some nudity and then move on. By the end I found myself so fascinated by this non-film that I couldn't turn it off or guess what happens.

A wildly different type of flick than Joe D'Amato's EMANUELLE IN AMERICA, though I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect. He is old enough to remember when Emmanuelle had two m's in her name and was played by Sylvia Kristel. For more reviews check out the ER website, like us on the Facebook and follow us on the Twitter.

BLACK EMMANUELLE, WHITE EMMANUELLE is available from Amazon.

31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: Cannibal Ferox aka Make Them Die Slowly (1981)

"You get off on ecology, eh twat?"

Back in the 70s and 80s our local drive-ins and trashy movie theaters advertised heavily on the mom & pop radio station that played constantly in our suburban kitchen. So it wasn't odd to hear Phillies recaps and Four Seasons tunes lead directly into ads for the traumatizing THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN or the sounded-too-good-to-be-true freakfest SCREAMERS ("You will see a man turned inside out!") while chowing down on some sugar-bombed cereal or a mid-week Heart Attack Breakfast (bacon, eggs fried in bacon grease, white toast, butter, towering glasses of whole milk).

But two ads that still stick out in my mind are the over-the-top spots for BASKET CASE (you received a free surgical mask "to keep the blood off your face!") and Umberto Lenzi's cannibal gross-out MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (aka CANNIBAL FEROX).

If I close my eyes I can still see the standard issue yellowish green appliances that dominated our small kitchen, the five burner stove, an inexplicable bowl of bacon covered with a paper towel, and the pot of half-regular/half-decaf coffee made who knows how many days ago that my parents would simply reheat in the microwave till it was gone. It should come as no surprise that I preferred tea for the entire time I lived under their roof.

And there I sit, hair parted in the middle, oversized tortoise shell glasses that would make A Flock of Seagulls proud, wiping away the drool as I hear – for the fifty-seventh time that week – "for what they have done... MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY..." as the bass vibrates the tiny transistor radio halfway across the kitchen table.

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure HOW the hell I missed out on seeing MTDS at the Super 130 Drive-In that weekend. It had been banned in something like 57 countries! What if the United States was next?! What was I waiting for?!

Fortunately, that banning never took place and MAKE THEM/CANNIBAL FEROX soon became a VHS gorefest staple thanks to the oversized Thriller Video box that depicted scantily clad victims, jungle savages with machetes and black & white stills that – as far as I knew – might as well have escaped from the set of a snuff flick. As the box copy read, "Too disgusting to watch. Too bizarre to resist." Damn straight.

While PSYCHO, RE-ANIMATOR, DAWN OF THE DEAD, BLOODSUCKING FREAKS and NIGHT OF THE CREEPS easily top my list of most seen horror flicks, I'd venture that countless viewings via VHS, laserdisc, DVD and theatrical revivals definitely push CANNIBAL FEROX into the Top 10, perhaps higher.

And you can add another viewing to the list thanks to Grindhouse Releasing's definitive (to date) Blu-Ray release which out cannibals every previous release of this gut-munching sinema classick.

If you've never seen CANNIBAL FEROX I'm not really spoiling anything by saying it plays out like most of its ilk: an expedition to prove/disprove cannibal rumors goes horribly wrong, our protagonists see some crazy shit, there's a smattering of guerilla-style NYC footage and some Mondo-esque animal cruelty (an unfortunate trademark of the genre that gives the flicks a somewhat sordid rep), and the inevitable retribution for what they have done which leads to some "who are the real savages?" moralizing and hand-wringing. Fin.

But of all the sleazy, gross, sweaty, grimy, sleazy and sweaty – did I mention sleazy? – 80s cannibal gut munchers, FEROX is far and away my favorite, though that seems like an odd word to use. Maybe it's the performance from Eurotrash icon John Morghen (Giovanni Radice) as Mike "Emeralds and Cocaine" Logan, a two-bit dirtbag who lit out of NYC with $100,000 in syndicate cash and leads our hapless trio into the misery that awaits them. Maybe it's the way the flick jumps from the harsh jungles to the urban jungle, packing in those cinema verite shots of late 70s/early 80s New York that highlight all the era's true sleaze epics. Perhaps it's the iconic Budy Maglione score that mixes jungle beats and prog rock rhythms into a haunting soundtrack for a road trip to hell.

Ahh, who am I kidding? Deep down FEROX plucks at my aging gorehound heartstrings and piles on the eyeball knifing, dick hacking, coke snorting, turtle thwacking, native torturing, penis chomping, boob hanging, castration cauterizing, hand chopping, skull popping and brain chomping with so little regard for the viewer's senses that it's exhausting. Don't believe me? The box features glowing endorsements from such trash luminaries as Rick Sullivan (GORE GAZETTE), Bill Landis (SLEAZOID EXPRESS) and Chas. Balun (DEEP RED, THE GORE SCORE) so you know you're in for a real treat.

Grindhouse Releasing's Deluxe Edition is a spectacular package that includes an uncensored, unrated director's cut with deleted footage, a remixed score, commentary tracks from Lenzi and Morghen, interviews with cast and crew, liner notes from Landis and Eli Roth (whose interest in the genre led to his own GREEN INFERNO), a bonus CD of the unforgettable soundtrack and even a feature length documentary on the rise and fall of cannibal cinema. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and loves him some cannibal movies. For more on what we're watching, what's coming up at ER and when the next issue will hit the streets, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

CANNIBAL FEROX is available from Amazon. 

EMANUELLE AND THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE (1978)

"Do you still go in for a lot of lovemaking?"

Laura Gemser returns as the famous reporter with a nose for news and a bod for steamy lovemaking – with all comers! This time out our intrepid newshound is hot on the trail of an international gangster and winds up at a white slavery auction.

After going undercover as a poor girl, Emanuelle gets shipped off to Madame Claude’s brothel (hence the alternate title EMANUELLE AND THE GIRLS OF MADAME CLAUDE) where she learns the dreaded too much and has to be lobotomized, but not before a hot nurse strips down to get it on with our super duper snooper in a hospital room featuring a giant cabinet of drugs.

Paced and structured like the sleazier EMANUELLE IN AMERICA (1977), WHITE SLAVE TRADE is a bit more erotic than the usual Joe D’Amato fare and packs more plot into its first 12 minutes than all of the excruciating BLACK EMANUELLE/WHITE EMANUELLE.

Includes: sex in exchange for car repairs, auto-eroticism, safari montage, dancing natives, tranny, Chinese Joe. – Dan Taylor

EMANUELLE AND THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE is available at Amazon.

Digging Out With TOP MODEL

David Z and I have both been buried lately... he under 95" of snow and me under an avalanche of catalog work for a client. But we've both emerged, albeit briefly, in order to share Z's look at the recent DVD of L'ATTRAZIONE (aka TOP MODEL) from One 7 Films, featuring an appearance from Geretta Geretta of DEMONS fame!

Mario Gariazzo is a director who produced some extremely odd films during his career, ranging from UFO conspiracy and sexploitation such as EYES BEHIND THE STARS and VERY CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND to Spaghetti Westerns like ACQUASANTA JOE and the infamous WHITE SLAVE, not to mention PLAY MOTEL, a thriller on the distinctly hard end of the "giallo" shaft of celluloid.

So, it was quite intriguing to see TOP MODEL, a latter day sex film that features such top of the bill talents like Florence Guerin and Martine Brochard hobnobbing with Marino Mase and a bunch of stock players that include Geretta Geretta – Rosemary from DEMONS – lounging in lingerie.

Sandwiched between his hot streak and the utterly bizarre THE BROTHER FROM SPACE, L'ATTRAZIONE (aka TOP MODEL) has enough odd flourishes in its short running time that you can tell it's Gariazzo's work, but only upon close inspection. With a Blu Ray of his EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW recently released by Code Red, it's a shame this one isn't quite as bizarre. But, if you like 80s softcore, TOP MODEL is certainly worth watching.

Nadine is a fashion photographer out for shoot with a rich couple, and even as things wrap up it's clear the man of the house – Victor – is smitten by her. How could you not be, as she is frequently naked and was being being groped about and rubbing lustily against a stranger (Florence Guerin)?

Marino Mase and Guerin end up in a strange battle of wills, desires, chess with a handgun (you need to watch that bit to believe it) and a whole lot of nudity. Victor's wife, played by Martine Brochard, wobbles between anger and fascination as the scenarios play out. It's all good dirty fun with lots of dramatic dialog and references to literature mixed with tits and Mase's not-so-sensual ass... though I would take one for the team and shoot those scenes, too!

Gariazzo probably gets a bum rap at times, mostly because his films are so damn weird that they tend to feel almost like berserk parodies of the genre he's working in, but he has visual flair at times, and even in the 80s glut of films that would shimmy to cable around the world he presents work as stylish as Filmirage's output. Go ahead, you can snicker, but I do so love the Filmirage sexploitation catalog.

This, as with many of One 7's releases, is definitely a completist item and this particular Italian Skin Film obsessive was charmed by the film. It's not exactly loaded with tension, but the star is beautiful and the scenarios are just odd enough to keep it compelling.

One 7 does not shock in the visual department. The flick is not great looking, but I haven't seen it any other way and most likely we never will again on the US shores. The picture is soft looking (and yes, many European Sex Films were "shot that way" but I'm not referring to the cinematography) and in mono Italian with English subtitles.

Hardly a landmark, but Guerin's performance and sex appeal will draw you in. I just can't believe the retitling at One 7 (as per usual) since TOP MODEL is the cable and VHS name for Joe D'Amato's Filmirage presentation also on DVD as 11 DAYS, 11 NIGHTS PART 2.  Cheeky!!  Wait, that is the name of a Tinto Brass film, so... that could end up as the title for a Peter Bark movie where he plays a boy scout (yep, it exists, I've seen it). Best not give them more ideas!! – David Zuzelo

TOP MODEL is available from Amazon.

Exploitation Retrospect 52 Now Available!

Just a quick note on a Friday afternoon to let you know that Exploitation Retrospect #52 is officially available for purchase!

I didn't want to promote it too much till I saw an actual printed copy and made sure I wasn't yanking it from Amazon due to some horrific oversight (though my wife did mention that because I cut my editorial I neglected to thank her in the issue... doh!).

My initial copy arrived last night and despite some nit-picky stuff like a too small gutter margin and some cropping issues with the pages I'm very pleased with how the issue turned out.

Contents include:

• David Zuzelo's penetrating look at Nikkatsu erotic cinema
• John Grace on Hollywood bully Burt Lancaster
• Jonathan Plombon's examination of WAVE  Productions, death fetish films and the cult of pseudo-snuff
• Chuck Francisco on those naughty Nazi Zombies
• A beefy review section featuring manly action flicks and men's action novels – in particular Remo Williams aka The Destroyer – with many contributions from Mitch Lovell
• Plus, tons of reviews on the best and worst in horror, sci-fi and sleazery from Douglas Waltz, John Grace, David Zuzelo, Chuck Francisco, yours truly and many more

It's all wrapped up in a beautiful glossy cover featuring exclusive artwork from Rondo Award-winning illustrator Neil Vokes with colors by Matt Webb.

You can order from CreateSpace, Amazon or directly from ER HQ.

And stay tuned for a new look – and new content – coming to the website soon!

LUCIO FULCI: An Appreciation of the Italian Grandfather of Gore

Lucio Fulci would have turned 87 today. And while most gorehounds discovered his work thanks to his Golden Age of Gore that features such classics as ZOMBIE, THE GATES OF HELL and THE BEYOND, his lengthy career in Italian cinema stretches far beyond the genre in which he's frequently pigeonholed. A slightly different version of this appreciation of Fulci appeared in issue #24 of the late, lamented music/wrestling/smut/movie mag Carbon 14. 

Is it sad that I attach more sentiment to my memories of Lucio Fulci – The Italian Grandfather of Gore – than I do to my own ancestors? I suppose it isn't surprising when you consider their respective roles in my upbringing. All my grandparents were dead by the time I was a teenager, right around the time Grampy Lucio took my hand and guided me through his world of grindhouse cinema.

At the drive-in we sat in our lawn chairs, sipped cheap beer and watched GATES OF HELL (aka CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD) as John Morghen got a drill through the head for being creepy, slow-witted and trusting. We cut classes at Drexel to venture to the Budco Midtown for something called SEVEN DOORS OF DEATH (aka THE BEYOND) which featured sinister spiders, nasty zombies, and another of Lucio's trademark head-scratcher endings. Good times, good times. And I haven't even mentioned the hours spent watching – and re-watching – flicks like ZOMBIE, HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY, MANHATTAN BABY and NEW YORK RIPPER.

But recently, something interesting has happened – I've discovered another side of Grampy Lucio. It's like flipping through your grandparents' photo album and realizing that the loose-looking flapper or the Zoot-suited hoodlum is actually the kindly old soul who bakes pies for holiday dinners or took you to the fishing hole for a lesson in baiting a hook.

Despite a filmography that's top-heavy with juicy, paint-the-screen-red titles like those mentioned above, Fulci was quite the cinematic chameleon. After toiling as a screenwriter and assistant director on a number of Italian comedies, he began his directorial career with THE THIEVES (1959) a flop that drove him into a succession of musical comedies, a genre that had become a worldwide sensation thanks to Elvis, Frankie and Annette. The influence of the early days of the James Bond series can even be seen in the mid-Sixties spy flick 002 OPERATION MOON, which can be found under numerous alternate titles like MOST SECRET AGENTS, OH! THOSE MOST SECRET AGENTS and WORST SECRET AGENTS.

Sergio Leone's landmark Spaghetti Western A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (1964) may have been responsible for MASSCARE TIME (1966) a Franco Nero vehicle that represented Fulci's first foray into that genre.

As the swinging sixties came to a close, the director tackled one of his most complex and intricate tales, a thriller called ONE ON TOP OF THE OTHER (1969, aka PERVERSION STORY). Having been raised on a steady diet of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian DePalma, it became apparent – after a ferociously upbeat jazz-scored credit sequence – that this would be a sinister tale of murder and misplaced accusations. It's got it all – the sick wife, the creepy sister-in-law, the two medications that if switched could prove fatal, the glory-hog doctor/anti-hero, and so on.

Once our victim checks out and signs start pointing to the handsome doc, Fulci kicks it into "innocent man wrongly accused" overdrive and we're left to ponder a number of questions as the story unfolds. Who's the hot blonde doppelganger doing the striptease on the motorcycle? Why is that guy shadowing our hero? Am I gonna get some Euro-lesbian action or WHAT?!

ONE ON TOP is actually one of those rare instance where I wish the flick was longer. Things are going along nicely with Fulci delivering an involving thriller despite some wooden acting and convoluted scenes. And then BLAM! It's like there's 45 minutes missing! Suddenly, our good doctor is on death row, it's getting near gas chamber time, the culprits appear to have gotten away with murder and then twists are layered on top of surprises... all delivered by a newsman talking into a microphone! It's like a comedy sketch where they've run out of money and just tell you what happens rather than show it.

Fulci's 1970s output jumped all over the cinematic map, ping-ponging between thrillers (LIZARD IN A WOMAN'S SKIN) and Dario Argento-influenced giallos (DON'T TORTURE A DUCKLING and the haunting THE PSYCHIC) to westerns (FOUR GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE) and horror comedies in the wake of YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (DRACULA IN THE PROVINCES).

The success of 1979's ZOMBIE – which established Fulci as the premier Italian gore film director – was due in large part to the success of George Romero's landmark DAWN OF THE DEAD (1977). Produced in association with the legendary Argento, Romero's flick ignited Italy's Spaghetti Splatter industry and ushered in the grisly gorefests that would keep grindhouse fans and drive-in patrons glued to their seats for years to come.

But that didn't stop Fulci from detouring into strange and unexpected territory. 1980's CONTRABAND pulls back on the gore reins while setting up a tale of naïve smugglers who resist influences to get them involved in the drug trade. Fabio Testi stars as Luka, a family man/smuggler who enjoys a good life while throwing cops off his trail with exploding boats loaded with rubber dummies.

When a shadowy underworld figure known as The Margliese starts applying pressure to the heads of the crime families, Fulci shines and the flick perks up. There's an uncomfortable sequence where a chick gets her head set on fire for trying to pass bad drugs and when the villains kidnap Luka's wife the body count rises, double crosses ensue, surprise revelations are, um, revealed and the master paints the screen red in the gory shootout finale. Occasionally confusing but frequently entertaining, CONTRABAND is an unexpected crime-thriller with enough action and sadistic gore to keep viewers interested.

The period after CONTRABAND represents Fulci's landmark era of horror cinema. CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980) would be a "greatest hits" reel for most directors of the time and 1981's THE BEYOND is one of the most haunting (and gory) masterpieces of horror cinema. While HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY (1981) is no match for the genius of THE BEYOND, it's still an effective and creepy take on haunted houses – with a zombie thrown in for old times sake. MANHATTAN BABY and NEW YORK RIPPER (both 1982) veered into the then-popular slasher genre but received limited distribution and lukewarm receptions at the time.

Between 1983 and 1984, Fulci helmed two more out-of-left-field projects: the futuristic actioner THE NEW GLADIATORS and the sword-and-sci-fi "epic" CONQUEST. Though they would represent his last efforts outside the horror genre, both flicks are intriguing and entertaining in their own way.

Pre-dating Governor Schwarzenegger's THE RUNNING MAN by several years, THE NEW GLADIATORS mines the fertile post-apocalypse genre for a tale that mixes equal parts social commentary and barbaric sports flicks like DEATHRACE 2000 and ROLLERBALL. Due to slipping television ratings, the World Broadcasting System has resurrected the idea of gladiators for 'The Battle of the Damned'. In a nutshell, a dozen convicted killers battle it out with the survivor receiving their freedom.

To goose the ratings, Cortez (the guy running the whole shebang) decides that he needs a people's champion. So, they hire Drake (played by Jared Martin, later seen on the syndicated 'War of the Worlds' )... a pasty-faced, sunken-chest ween we're supposed to believe is the world's greatest 'Death Bike' champ. He's in prison for the murder of the guys that offed his young bride. Along for the ride is Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, who (I hope) amassed a small fortune acting in these things.

As expected, 'The Battle of The Damned' is the flick's price-of-admission highlight – competitors get gouged, set on fire, decapitated (in loving Fulci slow-mo) and generally abused. Like THE RUNNING MAN, THE NEW GLADIATORS features a mission to knock out a satellite, a maniacal man in charge, framed competitors, a "people's champion" and more.

While NEW GLADIATORS lets Fulci deliver social commentary with the bloodletting, CONQUEST is nothing but a good-time genre-splicing mish-mash that will either entertain or enrage you. Grafting snippets of the sword-and-sandal genre (think CONAN) with a certain well-known space opera, CONQUEST has it all. If by "all" you mean: a bevy of chimp/wolf creatures that are like the third cousin of Chewbacca, twice removed; female actresses that are either topless, covered in blood, drawn and quartered, or all of the above; cascades of blood; a couple decapitations; and, who can forget the "arrows" that appear to have been created by scratching the negative with a paper clip!

Fulci would direct a baker's dozen of theatrical and TV flicks – give or take – after these final non-horror outings, though none met with the acclaim of THE BEYOND and ZOMBIE. In March of 1996, just weeks before beginning pre-production on THE WAX MASK (eventually helmed by effects guru Sergio Stivaletti), Fulci died as a result of a diabetic attack.

While the very mention of his name conjures up images of flesh-eating zombies, sharp implements to the head and visions of the afterlife, don't let Lucio Fulci's rep as the Grandfather of Italian Gore fool you. Check out the surprising and unique cinematic detours that dot his impressive filmography.

January 2014 Watchlist

Nothing like getting the cinematic year off to a good start. Watched 16 flicks during the month including two rewatches (BATMAN BEGINS and KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK) and not one flick that made me question my sanity as a movie lover.

There were more than a few pleasant surprises including the low-budget customed caper ALL SUPERHEROES MUST DIE, Arnold's comeback vehicle THE LAST STAND and AFTERSHOCK (with Eli Roth as an American tourist in Chile who must survive the aftermath of an earthquake... and worse) plus a couple flicks that totally lived up to their reps (Duke Mitchell's jaw-dropping MASSACRE MAFIA STYLE, the Linda Blair revenge-a-thon SAVAGE STREETS and REWIND THIS!, the first of several VHS-related documentaries I hope to catch this year).

The most pleasant surprise of all may have been 2013's HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS, which I had dismissed as an uninspired VAN HELSING rip-off, if such a thing is even possible. Turns out it was actually gory fun as the titular characters and their monster-fighting pals stomped heads and, well, hunted witches with glee.

Here's the running list for January... and the new year so far...

1. DESPICABLE ME 2 (2013)
2. MASSACE MAFIA STYLE (1974)
3. SAVING MR BANKS (2013)
4. ALL SUPERHEROES MUST DIE (2011)
5. RUSH (2013)
6. THE LAST STAND (2013)
7. AFTERSHOCK (2012)
8. HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (2013)
9. BULLET TO THE HEAD (2013)
10. SAVAGE STREETS (1984)
11. BATMAN BEGINS (2008)
12. THE FLASHPOINT PARADOX (2013)
13. ARCTIC BLAST (2010)
14. KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978)
15. REWIND THIS! (2013)
16. CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 (2013)

THE SNAKE GOD Will Slither Its Way Into Your Heart

Happy Friday trash fans! While yours truly plugs away on fun stuff (like final layout duties on ER #52 which will be available for pre-order soon) and not as fun stuff (the jobs that pay the bills) our good pal David Zuzelo takes over the review reins for a look at the latest from Mondo Macabro. It's THE SNAKE GOD... and if ever there was a flick that has "Damn You, David Z!" potential, this is it!

Mondo Macabro sure knows how to grab my attention! Promising me "AN EXOTIC INFERNO OF SEX AND VOODOO" with the release of the hard-to-find THE SNAKE GOD certainly makes me eager to pop that disc into the player. Add in that it stars the beautiful Nadia Cassini and the instantly recognizable allure of Beryl Cunningham (Bruno Mattei's ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN aka SCREAMERS) and I'm doubly there. But the main thing I was interested in was seeing another film directed by Piero Vivarelli!  Vivarelli was behind the camera for the fumetti-inspired films SATANIK and MR. X so expectations ran high, but what I got was far more than expected. THE SNAKE GOD was definitely an inspiration for several Italian sleaze films to come (Joe D'Amato fans should take note), but it's got some decidedly different flavors mixed into its witches brew of voodoo, allegory and bare bodies.

Paola (Cassini) is married to Bernard Lucas, a very wealthy man who brings her to the Caribbean for what at first seems like romance, but it quickly becomes obvious that he wants her as another possession to show off to his high society pals. Once he promises her that all the beauty she sees will be hers, "if she plays her cards right" then it is definitely trouble. The pair frolic for a bit in the exotic locations, slurping J&B and eventually stumbling upon a voyeuristic opportunity to watch what appears to be some natives engaged in sex and shimmying in the sand. Paola is definitely curious to learn more and Lucas tells her about Stella (Cunningham), the woman she is admiring. After assuming that she was "just" a native, she learns that not only was she her husband's secretary at one point, but that she was a teacher. After a few days he leaves her on the island to her own devices; Paola is immediately drawn to Stella and the pair become fast friends.  Where Paola is seemingly naïve, Stella is centered and one with the island culture around them. With Stella's astro sign medallion wisdom and carefree attitude, Paola can't help but want to know not just her, but all about the island, and opens up about herself in the process. Paola left her fiancé to marry the wealthy industrialist and has been batted about by what she thinks is her own "luck." But luck may not be on her side any longer, or is it?

THE SNAKE GOD co-starring A Bottle of J&B

After persuading Stella to take her to a local ritual that involves a whole lot of sexy voodoo possession dancing and gyrating, Paola begins to have dreams and visions of snakes and sex and they begin to affect the island world around her. As she starts to miss her husband he turns up dead thanks to a bizarre plane crash witnessed by a local fisherman. In a last ditch effort to stay connected to her previous life she brings the man she had ditched to the island. What poor Tony doesn't realize is that Stella has already met him...in a VOODOO VISION! The situation spirals out of control as things go from a lover's triangle of the flesh between the three and into an unearthly love square that features Djamballa, The Snake God and the lines between civilization, magic and reality bend and blur.

Honestly, this has a happy ending all said... at least I think so. Everyone finds satisfaction and a place in the world.  At least the weird world of Il dio serpente!

THE SNAKE GOD is a film that works fairly well as a guide for some later sun and sex exploitations from Italy, but its interest goes much deeper. Where D'Amato would indulge in surfside sapphic grinding (on a log!), this goes further explores its characters and works as a surreal drama that wears its weightier aspirations to talk about the expectations of "civilized" characters when placed in an exotic environment where danger and desire seem to mix magically with darker forces. The script is playing with the stereotypical "white girl goes native" tropes in the best possible way by making her foil – the incredibly dark-skinned and beautiful Beryl Cunningham – the more intelligent and educated of the two. When the Island God and the people make their choices it brings a great balance to the film as everyone gets what they desire, though one ends up in slightly stranger circumstances than they could have imagined.

That's one elegantly composed shot... is 7:16 AM too early for some J&B?

But it isn't all just allegory and deeper meaning! There is some groovy music composed by Augusto Martelli and many soundtrack enthusiasts will know the theme as soon as the first bass note has you (island) grooving on your couch. Fans of sexy women are well served; Beryl Cunningham will make you want to book your next vacation to the Caribbean for sure, and Nadia Cassini goes from playful and hopping on a bed to sweaty solo gyrations under the influence of the snake god. And hey, you get a snake wiggling about in the sand. Snakes are cool by me. Vivarelli put together a film that will definitely tickle the brain while never neglecting to get behind your zipper for a few snake tongue licks as well!  An achievement for sure, and a film that every fan of trashy European cinema will enjoy as both a film and a nice bit of Italian genre film archeology.

The DVD from Mondo Macabro is a gem as usual. There is an interview with Piero Vivarelli (oh, please get me a double feature of those earlier fumetti films!!), a really strong essay on the film's production and history and a nice widescreen transfer that lets us focus on every drop of sweat that rolls off the nose of Nadia Cassini!

And if you like spotting J&B bottles then I assure you that you will LOVE this film. Vivarelli shoots some scenes featuring the familiar yellow label like a true advertising artist would.

It's sexual liberation for all...and the liberation of a hard-to-find film for all connoisseurs of exotic sex films. THE SNAKE GOD has slithered its way into my heart! – David Zuzelo

THE SNAKE GOD is available from Amazon and Diabolik DVD.

Want to know more about the exploitation roots of the man I affectionately call 'Damn You, David Z!'... check out this interview in The Cape Cod Examiner.

HOLIDAY HORRORS: The Turds in the Punchbowl

Ahhh yes, the day after Christmas. The presents are unwrapped, the delicious stuffed filet of beef has been consumed (except for that piece worth fighting over at lunch) and it's time to figure out what you're keeping, what's being sold on eBay and what you're just flat out returning for store credit. In other words it's time for the sorting of the crap.

Anytime you undertake an, er, undertaking like watching a dozen holiday horror flicks in a couple weeks there's bound to be a couple turds in the punchbowl.

Today's the day for a couple of those turds... sorry folks.

First up is SANTA CLAUS (1959), a hallucinogenic nightmare of a "children's" film courtesy of Rene Cardona and K. Gordon Murray.

I can't imagine being a kid and getting dropped into some kind of freaking nightmare where Santa lives on a cloud in space and Satan sends his chief demon – a hyperactive freak named Pitch – to make all the kids on Earth do evil. Or he'll be forced to eat chocolate ice cream.

Which we all know is bad for his digestion.

On Christmas Eve, Santa leaves his Multi-National Intergalactic Sweatshop run by Merlin the Magician (?!) and drives his team of terrifying, teeth-chattering wind-up reindeer that turn to dust if Santa's not back to his space shack by sunrise around the globe to deliver presents to good girls and boys.

Most of the brain-bending flick revolves around a trio of kids and their quest for holiday joy: there's Lupita the poor girl who never gets anything from Santa; the rich boy whose parents ignore him until they drink the "Cocktail of Remembrance"; and, the three hooligans who plan to jump Santa, stuff him in a sack and make him their slave!

Like other South of the Border abominations such as LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE MONSTERS (1962), the concept behind SANTA CLAUS seems sorta cute and benign. Until you have to sit down and suffer through every one of its excruciating 90 minutes!

The end result is so completely tedious and moronic that it makes it perfect fodder for creating an insulting MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER episode. Approach at your own risk.

Despite suffering through THANKSKILLING 3 and the aforementioned SANTA CLAUS, I was shocked to find I wasn't anywhere near done my Holiday Horror penance. Oh no. That chore would be left to what is easily the worst, most aggravating piece of Christmasploitation pie I've ever been served – the excruciating and completely worthless CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS.

Okay, so maybe "completely worthless" is a bit harsh. But I'm not far off the mark. Maybe...

Ostensibly a jab at the whole "Killer Santa" genre, CAESAR & OTTO makes one classic miscalculation – it's sorta hard to parody a genre that has already begun to parody itself.

But that doesn't seem to bother this low-budget Abbott & Costello as Ceasar (the hyperactive and ceaselessly annoying Dave Campfield) and Otto (the kinda funny and somewhat charming Paul Chomicki) banter and argue about their lot in loserdom.

Like some of the latter day SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT sequels (see how I brought this full circle?), CAESAR & OTTO has waaaaayyyy more plot going for it than it really needs.

Sure, there's a killer Santa (the too good for this crap JACKASS grad Deron Miller aka CYK) and Caesar's holiday trauma (inspired by the original SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT complete with scene-chomping Lloyd Kaufman as Grandpa) but we're also forced to suffer through his desire to turn a quick buck by making a Christmas-themed horror movie and Otto's hunt for a long-lost love, not to mention an unwelcome Linnea Quigley cameo (shudder) and a Dr. Phil spoof that had me longing for the real deal.

The killer Santa/Christmasploitation genre may be ripe for a good tweaking. Unfortunately, this isn't it.

I'm going to spare you any links to where you can buy these flicks. If you search them out it's your own fault.

HOLIDAY HORRORS: Don't Open Till Christmas ... Oh Wait, That's Today!

It's Christmas morning and time for more Holiday Horrors from yours truly! While SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT gets most of the Christmasploitation attention it's time to turn our gaze to a somewhat underappreciated classick slice of holiday sinema from some familiar faces... thanks to Bruce Holecheck of CINEMA ARCANA for turning me on to this one...

After enduring a plethora of sinister Santas in my holiday horror research it was definitely time for a change of pace. And who better to deliver it than the Mighty Men of PIECES, namely star Edmund Purdom and sleaze producer extraordinaire Dick Randall?

Purdom – doing double duty here as both star and director – portrays effete but ineffective Scotland Yard Inspector Ian Harris (cut from similar cloth as Purdom's effete but homicidal Dean from PIECES). Seems that merry old England has been beset by a series of murders in which a vicious killer is assaulting those dressed in the trademark red robes of Saint Nick.

Nobody is safe from this horrific holiday killing spree as men and women, young and old find themselves on the receiving end of knives, machetes, spiked gloves and – wink, wink – an open fire filled with chestnuts as the murderer continually evades Harris and fellow inspector Powell (Mark Jones) while the tabloids fan the flames of a psychopath on the loose.

With a shortage of suspects, our suspicion begins to fall upon Inspector Harris (he was The Dean in PIECES after all!), especially as he begins to pay an inordinate amount of attention to Kate (Belinda Mayne) and her street musician boyfriend Cliff (Gerry Sundquist) after Kate's father – dressed as Santa for a party – gets a spear through the back of his head. (I can't shake the feeling that Kate and Cliff were characters from some discarded Naked Eyes video.)

Helping things along in the "hey, maybe Harris is the killer department" is Giles (Alan Lake), a newspaperman who suggests that there might be more to the good inspector than meets the eye, though one wonders if there might be more to Giles than meets the eye, too.

It's all a rather trashy affair, but what would one expect from a flick whose DVD case loudly and proudly proclaims its kinship with PIECES? There's many bared boobies, a porno shoot, Father Christmas getting his willie whacked off, dripping dead Santa eyeball, exploding gifts, bike stealing "punks", the London Dungeon and even the lovely Caroline Munro (as herself) belting out a tune.

DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS may not be in the same ballpark as either PIECES or SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, but it's a nice and sleazy slice of Christmasploitation with the added bonus of mega-Purdom to pull you through any low points. You barely have to pay attention as the plot lurches from kill to kill and even when the whole thing ends you won't be able to shake the feeling that you've missed something.

The excellent DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS disc from Mondo Macabro also includes a vintage making of featurette with behind-the-scenes footage and is available from Amazon.

ER Contributor's THE MOST DANGEROUS CINEMA Book Available Now

Along with XEROX FEROX (finally shipping!) and BLEEDING SKULL (still not shipping!), ER contributor Bryan Senn's THE MOST DANGEROUS CINEMA is one of my most highly anticipated film book reads.

Senn, who wrote the excellent 'An Angel for Satan' cover feature in ER 51 (still available from our website), delivers a nearly 300-page look at cinematic adaptations of the classic short plus additional commentary on DTV, television and other takes on hunting people for sport.

If you're a fan of the most dangerous cinema genre you'll definitely want to get your hands on this!

THE MOST DANGEROUS CINEMA is available directly from the publisher as well as from Amazon.

What's your favorite "most dangerous game"-inspired flick?

I Survived the 7th Annual Exhumed Films Horrorthon!

Just woke up after sleeping for 12 hours to recharge my batteries. Got up at 6 AM Saturday to head to Philly for the 7th Exhumed Horrorothon. Doing a blow-by-blow writeup for Weng's Chop #5 but the flicks screened (all prints mind you) included:

• DEMON KNIGHT
• MONKEY SHINES
• REVENGE OF THE LIVING ZOMBIES (aka Bill Hinzman's FLESH EATER)
• MANSION OF THE DOOMED
• INFERNO
• WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE
• TINTORERA
• the original HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW
• NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR
• THE PARASITE MURDERS (aka THEY CAME FROM WITHIN)
• GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD
• TOXIC ZOMBIES
• DARKMAN
• DEMONS 2

Thought this was a really consistent, solid lineup without any of the staggering lows of previous years (SON OF BLOB and DRACULA VS FRANKENSTEIN I'm looking at you) though without any super high points (I definitely loved seeing FLESH EATER, NIGHT TRAIN, TINTORERA, WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE and DEMONS 2 on the big screen).

Have to adjust my blood-to-caffeine levels and get back to work... look for more 31 DAYS later as we head towards the Halloween finish line!