Bringing some much-needed star power to the anthology game – I can only watch so many SOV outings starring local grocery baggers who answered a classified ad, chubby strippers with bad tattoos, and the director’s cousin – beer and lighter pitchman Snoop Dogg starts off the flick as a cartoon hood whose little sister is accidentally killed by his gun. When his mom freaks and curses him (“I hate you! You’re not my son… you’re a devil!”) Snoop does what any animated gang banger would do and makes some kind of pact with Satan that involves him being turned into a real life, pimpin’ wraparound host/cribkeeper with demon ho’s and a surly little person at his side.
‘Crossed Out’ finds a young female graffiti artist named Posie (Daniella Alonso) running afoul of some gang bangers by tagging their territory. And spray painting them in the face, which would probably piss anybody off. When she gets abducted by a derelict (Danny Trejo) she wakes up with a tight arm tattoo that ends the life of whosever name she crosses out. Bonus points for phone choking and a 40 oz. through the head (in a nice, splattery effect) plus Billy Dee Williams as grief counselor Pastor Charlie, who finds himself putting in plenty of OT thanks to Posie’s handiwork.
‘Scumlord’ definitely highlights the flick, with HELL ON WHEELS’ Anson Mount starring as Tex Jr., a Southern-fried racist even Donald Trump would think goes too far. When Tex Sr. “dies”, his offspring discovers that getting daddy’s inheritance won’t be as easy as he thought. The will states that the son and his gold digging wife (Brande Roderick) must live in the “ghetto rat trap” where Tex the Elder’s beloved soldiers – including Ernie Hudson and Richard Gant – reside. Instead of learning a lesson about loving his fellow man (what fun would that be?!), Tex Jr. puts the vets to work renovating the property, steals their money, cuts their food budget and forces their nurse into a threesome. Comeuppance, in grisly fashion, ensues.
‘Rapsody Askew’ rounds out the trio of terror tales and, unfortunately, it’s the weakest entry (and the only one not co-written by Tim Sullivan). Told in loopy, flashback/flashforward fashion, we’re shown the rise of a pair of young rappers – SOD (Pooch Hall) and Quan (Aries Spears) – who get fame too fast and end up sidetracked by things like a lack of focus. And statutory rape. An ill-advised stop at a convenience store leads to the death of one half of the pair and a haunting night at an awards show for the survivor. Look for Diamond Dallas Page as SOD’s bodyguard and Jason Alexander in a laughable, accent-challenged cameo as “British Record Mogul”.
Definitely lost amongst more ballyhooed anthology efforts, HOOD OF HORROR certainly delivers the goods thanks to its combination of splattery effects and comeuppance. And Snoop Dogg. Never forget the Snoop Dogg. – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect. This review appeared in a slightly different form in issue #53 (still available from the publisher, email us for payment details) and Amazon.
“What’s the point of being a werewolf if you can’t wolf around a little?”
True to its name, the small country village of Deddington has more than its share of secrets and mysterious deaths. While searching for clues in the death of a local young woman named Charlotte, a private investigator stumbles into an antique shop and finds a huge tome the shopkeeper (Caroline Munro) isn’t too keen on parting with.
Settling down in a local pub, the PI can’t believe his eyes as the book relates the story of a werewolf pack that got more than they bargained for on a camping trip intended to solidify their ranks.
It seems that Andy (Kristofer Dayne) had a habit of pulling pranks on his pals at the local pub, so when he barges in one night covered in blood and babbling about a werewolf attack his friends don’t believe him – until it’s too late. Now they’re all part of a pack headed by the overbearing Milly (Gabriela Hersham), the she-wolf who killed Charlotte and turned Andy.
Heading off into the woods on a camping trip guided by Ricky Hellsong (Marco Radice with a dubbed voice) and his pal Charlie (David Sellicks), Milly intends to have the novice lycans kill in the wild in order to close their ranks. The arrival of two hitchhikers and a werewolf’s un-turned sister complicates matters, not to mention the emergence of a revenge plan in the works right under their noses.
Mildly schizophrenic, CRYING WOLF is a bit like the bastard offspring of a werewolf flick and an anthology film. When the group arrives at a remote church, they begin sharing stories filled with topless sunbathers, creepy crawlies, potato sack madmen, damsels in distress, ninjas (?!), horny vicars, beheadings, gangsters, demons, grave robbing … and bongos. Somehow, director/co-writer Tony Jopia ties things together in a bloody CGI-heavy finale filled with crossbows, werewolf attacks, handguns, bombs and some D-grade fight choreography.
Clocking in at a padded out 91 minutes, CRYING WOLF (listed as being in 3D on its IMDB page) occupies that crowded dollar store netherworld filled with flicks that aren’t so terrible you feel like you wasted your time and money but aren’t good enough to recommend to all but your closest fellow cheapo horror junkies. – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and The Hungover Gourmet as well as host (as DJ Cosmo) of the Mixcloud radio show Around the Dial. His favorite werewolf film is probably THE HOWLING but he does love a good ol' Paul Naschy flick.
The first teaser trailer for SHIN GODZILLA (GODZILLA RESURGENCE) filled my inner ten-year-old with raging excitement. Hearing it was coming to theaters for a limited run in the States made me guaranteed to give work the shaft – I was hellbent on seeing the Big G's latest adventure! In the theater, I was giddy with excitement and anticipation. When I walked out, my soul was crying with disappointment.
A leak in Tokyo Bay's Aqua Line tunnel sends government officials speculating on the cause. Was it some kind of underwater eruption? Or is it Godzilla? If you guessed the Big G, you're correct. Soon, Godzilla emerges from the water and begins trashing everything in sight en route to Tokyo. Will the Japanese government be able to stop Godzilla? Or will he turn Japan into a graveyard?
Let me tell you, my heart literally skipped a beat when Godzilla's stomp and roar were heard during the Toho logo. And I have to give SHIN GODZILLA credit for dispensing with the bullshit in the beginning and getting right down to business.
However, things go downhill from there.
First off, Godzilla's new look is sure to inspire more laughs than frights. G's look in GODZILLA VS DESTROYAH is an obvious influence here, minus the menace: those big eyes and TOO disproportionate arms make him look more like Godzilla's retarded cousin, Derpzilla. And that's not even the worst part: the first time we see Godzilla he looks more like the degenerate offspring of Zilla and Anguirus. Why? Simple: because Godzilla's still evolving. It isn't until nearly halfway through that we see him looking more like his normal self. Maybe Derpzilla is one stop along the way to Godzilla. Only sequels will tell.
Godzilla also has some new special features, which include: an atomic ray instead of radioactive breath, a lower jaw that splits, a tail that likewise shoots an atomic ray and a laser light show that erupts from his back (I wonder if he's available for raves?).
Call me a luddite, but I'll take a dude in a rubber suit smashing models over CGI any day. However, the CGI in SHIN GODZILLA is actually pretty good. For the most part anyways. While objects look nearly lifelike, there are instances when Godzilla looks pretty dodgy. Also, Godzilla's animation is real stiff at times and makes him look more like an action figure being moved by a little kid as opposed to an organic being.
But enough about Godzilla himself. How does the rest of the movie fare? I'm not shitting you when I say Godzilla falls asleep halfway through the movie. That tells you quite a bit.
A lot of people bitched and moaned that 2014's GODZILLA didn't have enough monster action in it. This is true. However, the action it DID have was rousing and exciting. In SHIN GODZILLA, the action is barely half-mast. Godzilla does very little except trample things, knock down buildings and smash shit, none of it very exciting. Then it's nap time for the remaining hour until he is stopped in an unexciting and limp-dicked finale.
A good chunk of the movie is taken up by board meetings, political squabbles and bureaucratic inefficiency – all of which are, supposedly, digs at the Japanese government's inadequate responses to the 2011 Tohuku earthquake and the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster. I have no problems with genre films tackling "big issues," but not at the expense of entertainment. Which is exactly what SHIN GODZILLA does.
And for a film that choses to focus more on the human drama than the monster action, the characters here are pretty lifeless and one-note. And there are way too fuckin' many of them. Half the time I didn't know who was who. The only one who stands out is Kayoko Patterson (Satomi Ishihara) because she speaks English at times and is nice to look at.
And another thing I have to bring up is the film's constant need to tell you WHO everyone is (no matter how minor a part they play) and WHAT everything is (no matter how insignificant) and WHERE everything is (once again, no matter how insignificant). Text constantly appears on the screen telling you the who, what, when, where, why, and how. It's acceptable to tell me the location is the Prime Minister's residence. You DON'T need to tell me when we're in an elevator. Or in a hallway. Or that a helicopter is some kind of helicopter. Or that a tank is some kind of tank. Or that a character in one scene for ten seconds is Mr. Of No Consequence. It's just distracting. And annoying.
At the end of the day, SHIN GODZILLA disappoints - and disappoints big. While it has its moments, there is very little to recommend here and should only be seen by Godzilla completists. All others are advised to play Kick the Can instead. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about GORGO. SHIN GODZILLA is currently in cinemas.
The Japanese have GODZILLA and its numerous sequels, reboots, remakes and whathaveyou. The Americans have KING KONG and all its sequels, remakes and a crossover with Godzilla. The British have GORGO, one of the better giant monster flicks not in the previous two franchises. The Brits may have a reputation as a stuck up lot, but GORGO proves this doesn't apply to the destruction of London.
A volcanic eruption off the coast of Ireland unearths a giant monster. Joe (Bill Travers) and Sam (William Sylvester) see only dollar signs in their eyes and decide to take the monster back with them and sell it to the circus. But, in a plot device not utilized before, they discover that the 65-foot-tall monster is only the infant - with the parent being over 200-feet-tall! Soon, the parent emerges from the ocean and begins trashing London in search of its offspring. Will the army be able to wipe out this creature? Or will parent and child be reunited?
What makes GORGO such an excellent film is that, despite appearances, the monster is not the villain here. Instead, villainy is placed at the feet of Sam and Joe, whose greed and opportunism is the catalyst to London's destruction. Unlike, say, GODZILLA, where the monster, though created by human meddling, is the villain and we are to root against it, GORGO asks audiences to sympathize with the monster. It's not out to harm anyone. It just wants its child back. Essentially, GORGO is TAKEN with a giant monster instead of Liam Neeson. Awesome.
But what's a giant monster movie without some destruction? GORGO has plenty of that. Watch as Big Ben, Waterloo Bridge and Piccadilly Circus are trashed, smashed and thrashed! The model work is exemplary, especially for its time. One awesome shot has Gorgo taking a huge chunk out of Waterloo Bridge: looking closely, you can see people falling out of it to their deaths. The blue screen might be a bit dodgy here and there, but it's better than many productions from the same era. GORGO even contains a small homage to the original GODZILLA: the army attempts to stop him with powerlines, much like the Japanese did in GODZILLA.
And I just have to mention how cute Gorgo and Son look when they wiggle their ears like a small puppy.
Overall, GORGO is an excellent time at the movies. With stuff like SHIN GODZILLA threatening your insomnia (Editor's Note: stop back tomorrow for Evan's review of the latest Toho monsterfest meets bureaucratic primer), why not spend some time with something that ISN'T gonna put you to sleep? Something like GORGO, one of the best giant monster flicks out there.
This review is Gorgo Approved. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES. GORGO is available from Amazon.
Trying to put the finishing touches on a mammoth 30th anniversary issue and stay on top of our 31 Days of Fright blog feature may have been biting off more than I could chew.
In fact, it'd probably be for the best if we just moved Halloween to sometime in November.
Everybody cool with that?
Well, assuming that's going to get about as much traction as #repealthe19th I better put on my big boy pants and get back to work on both things!
But first, I wanted to dash off a few quick capsules of some of the movies I saw in the theater this week. That's right! I actually made it out to not one, not two, not three, but FOUR honest to goodness movies this week which throws my whole theatrical screenings average for a total loop. (Okay, so one was that MIDDLE SCHOOL movie which I saw with the wife and daughter but hey, it meant putting on presentable clothing and venturing into the outside world.)
First up was a trip to Silver Spring, MD for a couple screenings at the American Film Institute Theater. I'm pretty embarrassed that I've lived in this area for close to 16 years and last weekend was my first trip down there. Considering the number of revivals and their annual Spooky Movie Festival (which was the reason for the trip), I should probably have my "Movie Lover" card revoked. Bonus points for the burger, tots and Double Duckpin at the Quarry House Tavern around the corner, even if they did charge per can about what I pay for a six pack.
Up first was MY FATHER DIE (2016), the debut feature from Sean Brosnan, son of that guy who played James Bond. Chester (Chester Rushing of STRANGER THINGS) is best buds with and protector to his younger brother Asher (Gabe White). But when he crosses the line with their biker father, Ivan (an impressive Gary Stretch who looks like Norm McDonald's impression of Burt Reynolds coupled with Barry Bonds' steroid regimen), it results in Chester's death, Asher's hearing loss, and a long stretch in the slammer for dear old dad. Fast forward two decades when a grown, but still deaf, Asher (now played by Joe Anderson from TV's HANNIBAL) discovers that Ivan has been released early and he must ramp up his plan for revenge. A swirling, sweaty Southern gothic stew of preachers, porn, stomped cops, torture sessions, car chases and gun battles ensues as Ivan and Asher head towards their inevitable showdown. Maybe a touch long at 102 minutes, Brosnan's debut is nonetheless riveting and explosive, with plenty of humor to offset the revenge-driven mayhem. And yes, that's John Schneider as the grizzled cop following the trail of blood and bodies.
Shifting gears completely was the Spooky Movie followup. Tim Reis' BAD BLOOD: THE MOVIE (2016) is an ooey gooey love letter to all those mad scientist VHS flicks we rented in the 80s. Making her feature film debut, Mary Malloy stars as Victoria, a young woman home from college to find herself. Unfortunately, she finds herself living with her mom, meddling stepfather (Brian Troxell) and reptilian stepbrother. Out for a night with friends she ends up attacked by a slimy creature and is reported missing, presumed dead by Stensland (Troy Halverson), the investigator hired by her stepfather. When she turns up weeks later it's assumed she's hooked on some kind of designer drug which stepdad Wade quickly smashes so that she can get clean. Unfortunately, the "drug" was actually an antidote designed to keep her from turning into a hideous "werefrog". Calamity ensues. Reis, who also wrote the script, deftly juggles both horror and comedy, making BAD BLOOD feel like any one of a hundred similar flicks I rented over the years. Halverson practically steals the show as the deranged ex-cop on the werefrog's trail and though the ending never went as far as I hoped the whole slimy affair has me in search of THE DEMON'S ROOK (2013), an earlier flick Reis worked on.
Last but not least I had a chance to hit the theater last night for a screening of SHIN GODZILLA (2016), the latest Tokyo stompfest featuring The Big G. I'm neither a Godzilla fanboy nor a purist, so I wasn't bothered when friends whose opinions usually track with mine mentioned that the flick was maybe a tad talky and even, well, boring. These lowered expectations probably served me well and with a Bobby Flay Crunch Burger and Onion Rings in my gut and a Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA in hand (oh how I love modern cinemas!) I settled in for 120 minutes of wanton destruction. Unfortunately, it's more like 20 minutes of wanton destruction, Godzilla evolution and laser tails coupled with a solid 100 minutes of meetings, meetings about meetings, subtle digs at the US, not so subtle digs at the US, charts, origami, copier setup and did I mention meetings? Seriously, the BluRay should come with a 30 Day free trial for GoToMeeting. I'm thinking that having Godzilla TAKE A NAP (?!) in the middle of the movie probably wasn't the best plot device and the whole thing felt pretty anti-climactic, but any night that includes burgers, brews and a stompfest can't be all bad. – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect. He's pretty sure his recent case of writer's block is over. He should really get back to work on the 30th Anniversary issue of the zine.
"We're gonna need T&A if we're gonna sell this thing."
– DEATH BLADE Producer Guy
I couldn't agree more DEATH BLADE Producer Guy! A little T&A would help sell this thing. Maybe even some gore. Unfortunately, both CUT THROAT and DEATH BLADE – the movie within the movie known as CUT THROAT – lack in all of those departments.
Which brings us to CUT THROAT (aka SCARED), Kevin Walley's 2002 SCREAM wannabe aimed at, well, I'm not sure exactly what audience. Despite bearing "Unrated" status on the DVD case, CUT THROAT features the pretty chaste tale of a low-budget horror flick beset by a bunch of murders including a lead actress getting stabbed in front of the crew while the murderer gets away without much effort. (The masked killer literally crashes out the window, stabs the living shit out of her and disappears.)
With DEATH BLADE's lead chilling in the morgue a call goes out for a replacement and Samatha (TV vet Kate Norby) – who just happens to have a romantic past with director Hamlin (future 'Pictureka' host Cory Almeida) – slides into the final girl role. Has she hacked her way into the lead? Was her busty pal (Racquel Horton) looking to carve her way onto the Double D-list?
If you've watched more than a dozen slasher flicks in your life you'll immediately sniff out the villains as this drab example plays itself out over 90 painless but dull minutes. In addition to the hyper director there's Nick The Screenwriter (co-writer Luciano Saber) who feels like his brilliant wordsmithing is being ignored, Hunter The Producer (Doug Cole) who knocked up the AD (and wants her to have an abortion in a completely pointless subplot), and Detective Hartley (Brad Lockerman) who isn't so much a suspect as he is a constant source of amusement thanks to his soap opera level line delivery.
Longtime readers of ER know I love a good slasher. Hell, I can even love a mediocre slasher under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, the lack of key elements combined with the fact that Almeida and Saber come off as being far too unseasoned for the roles of a feature film director and his ambitious screenwriter keep this one from making the cut. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect, which celebrates 30 years of covering junk culture and fringe media this month. Watch for an announcement regarding availability of the mega-sized 30th anniversary issue soon. CUT THROAT is available at Amazon.
Carl Henry Jessup lives up in the mountains with his pretty half-sister and makes a deal with a demon to bring back his parents from the dead and, yes, he still has their rotting corpses in his possession. He fills the rest of his day talking about the good old days, drinking moonshine and killing trespassers for their meat. Grade A Meat!
Carl Henry Jessup learns the hard way that you never want to make a deal with a devil. It never turns out good.
Let's talk about what I liked about this movie: it attempts to embrace the good old Grindhouse days. The computer program that they used to add the film wear and tear was pretty good. Probably the best I've seen. Not too much repetition in the flecking and scratches and the orange flare ups on the edges looked pretty authentic.
The lead, Paul E. Respass, did immerse himself in the role and came across as a cannibalistic madman with a soft spot. By the end, it's too late for him, but the actor brought a lot to the role. Theresa Holly, who plays his half-sister Rae Lynn, is drop dead gorgeous. Old school pin-up girl gorgeous. All in all the acting comes across as professional.
So, what we have here is a really good looking film with some excellent performances.
It's a shame that's all we get.
Some hillbilly up in the middle of nowhere killing people and eating them? I've already seen THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. Hell, I've seen a couple of the sequels. Does this really need to get made again? Sure, there's a demon and some creepy shit going on here, but so what? It doesn't feel like the main part of this particular story and at a running time of 99 minutes it could do with some trimming.
Not scary. Not creepy. The gore effects are fine and look like a hundred other movies doing the same effects. It just doesn't bring anything noteworthy to the table and if you expect to sell a few copies of the DVD you really need that.
Now, a true shining part of the film is the part of Papa Jessup played by Ron Jason of LAS VEGAS SERIAL KILLER and ANGEL OF VENGEANCE fame. Any guy who worked with Ray Dennis Steckler and Ted. V. Mikels is okay in my book, but there wasn't enough of him in it. More like a glorified cameo.
Finally, the entire story is told by a fella just credited as The Storyteller (S.E. Feinberg). He opens and closes the movie with a trio of little kids sitting and listening to this twisted tale. He made me laugh both times and deserves a special mention in this review just for that. Especially at the end. I saw it coming and laughed anyway. Well done, sir.
The DVD comes with a making of documentary, a short film that I didn't bother with, a horror happens interview and three trailers for this movie. I knew I was in a little trouble when I watched the first trailer and thought to myself, "This seems like an awfully long trailer." If I'm bored by the trailer, what chance does the movie have? – Douglas Waltz Douglas Waltz is a longtime ER contributor and the editor/publisher of the long-running zine Divine Exploitation (available from Amazon). LEGEND OF THE HILLBILLY BUTCHER is available from Amazon.
I've been a fan of horror anthologies since I was a little kid and my Mom sat me down to watch DR. TERROR'S HOUSE OF HORRORS... but you can read all about that in the upcoming Exploitation Retrospect #53 due out later this month. In the meantime here's a review of the twisted 1986 portmanteau DEADTIME STORIES ripped screaming from the pages of ER #5 originally published in May 1987. Not to be confused with the wretched DEADTIME STORIES hosted by George Romero, this fun flick features Scott Valentine and was directed by Jeffrey Delman, who would not helm another feature until 2002's RANDOM SHOOTING IN LA.
Every once in a great while a film comes along that successfully blends the broad aspects of horror and comedy. Of course, there are always films that try: HOUSE, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2, etc. However, there are some that can combine the two: TOXIC AVENGER, RE-ANIMATOR, CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH, and just added to this list is the fiendishly funny DEADTIME STORIES.
The film is a very low budget horror anthology flick built around this tried and true premise. A young boy is staying with his uncle, and because he is afraid of the dark he requests to hear some bedtime stories. Well, Uncle Mark is a bit demented, so he gives the kid what he wants.
The first story stars a young Scott Valentine, a current teen heartthrob due to his role on TV's 'Family Ties' and his starring role in the current MY DEMON LOVER. He stars as a young boy who has sold himself into the services of two witches. The witches are trying to raise their sister from the dead, and Valentine's character must help them get the necessary ingredients. The tale has some intense effects, such as a severed hand that seems to take on a life of its own, a face-hugging heart, and (in the highlight of the film), the retransformation of the dead witch: she begins as an old, decayed skeleton and ends up as a full, revengeful demon bitch!
The second story is a modern-day update of "Little Red Riding Hood" which is skewed due to the fact that Uncle Mark was watching the 'Miss Nude Bayone' Competition on the tube. Red (or Rcahel [sic] as she's called) is now a firm-bodied high school cheerleader who picks up the wrong prescription at the store. So, the big bad wolf (dressed in leather pants and skinny tie) comes looking for her and the story follows the familiar pattern all the way until the infamous "Grandma, what big teeth you have" line.
The final story is a wickedly funny retelling of the "Goldilocks and the 3 Bears" tale. This time Goldi Loxx (named after Golda Meir!!) is a psychotic killer who keeps the corpses of her dead suitors in the house. When "Papa" and "Baby" Baer escape from a mental institution with the help of "Momma" Baer they head for their hideout in the woods – where Goldi just happens to be staying. Naturally, Goldi fits right in with the family and they combine their powers to rob and create general mayhem everywhere they can. The most incredible scene in the film comes when "Baby" Baers [sic] plays a game of "She Loves Me/She Loves Me Not" with the severed arm of one of Goldi's victims.
This is a twisted film, and a fine example of what horror anthologies should be more like. I highly recommend DEADTIME STORIES, so see it quick or wait for the inevitable video release. Four stars. (R) – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect, which celebrates 30 years of existence this month. You can read more about his love of horror anthology flicks in the new issue, available soon. He last wrote about FUTURE FORCE for VHS Wednesday. DEADTIME STORIES is available from Amazon.
Despite its reputation, watching Bruno Mattei's NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES (aka HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD) was a watershed moment in my appreciation of trash cinema. ER co-founder and longtime pal Lou Goncey and I rented it on VHS one September evening and enjoyed the hell out of its mix of zombies, bloodshed, gore, nature footage, Play-Doh masks and borderline incoherence. In other words, we'd found a movie to champion. A few weeks later we watched in amazement as a print of the flick – under the title HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD – unspooled at the Super 130 Drive-In on a cool, nearly deserted October evening. Naturally, when the projectionist/security guard started showing the reels out of order we got out of our lawn chairs, hid our beers and made our way back to the "projection booth" to inform him of his error. What we got instead was a shrug of the shoulders as he admitted "yeah, I know... I just didn't think anybody would care!". That event only enhanced the film in my eyes and it remains a favorite of the genre to this day. So, when Evan Romero professed his mutual love for the flick and offered up an appreciation of the VHS for a combo 31 Days of Fright/VHS Wednesday, how could I resist...
When Bruno Mattei's name is on the marquee, everyone is guaranteed to have a good time. With NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES, not only do you get Mattei, but you get gut-munching zombies as well! Seriously, what's not to love?
A facility called the Hope Center leaks a toxic chemical which turns people into zombies. Elsewhere, a team of commandos dispatches some eco-terrorists, then head to the Hope Center as all communication has been lost. En route they encounter a female reporter and her Yanni look-a-like assistant, who accompany them on their mission. Standing between the group and their destination are hordes of flesh-eating zombies ready to chow down at a moment's notice! Can our heroes elude the living dead and make it out alive? Or will they become nothing more than zombie fodder?
NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES has a reputation as being one of the worst zombie films ever made. I mean, with the crack team of Mattei behind the camera and TROLL 2's Claudio Fragrasso behind the script, what else should you expect? Sure, the flick is a bit loopy and unpolished, and it "borrows" liberally from other sources (Goblin's DAWN OF THE DEAD score and footage from the 1976 documentary THE REAL CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST being the most obvious), but if good films are all about providing entertainment, then NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES is a good film.
What NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES lacks in refinement it more than makes up for in fun, and the first ten minutes shows it isn't here to fuck around. Wham! Bam! Zombies! Oh, you wanted some build-up and character development? Forget it pal – this is Mattei. The best you're gonna get is right here, right now; and some walking, talking cardboard cutouts. But hey, you do get Zantoro, played by Frank Garafalo, one of the coolest characters ever to traipse through a zombie movie. Oh, and you get a commando who likes to engage in a bit of cross-dressing. Green tutus and top hats never looked so good.
Of course you get plenty of guts and crimson spillage. Gorehounds, rejoice! Fun is at hand! And I've got to admit the effects are pretty solid. And where else are you gonna see a cat tear its way out of a zombie's stomach? Talk about indigestion... Oh, and did I mention that NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES contains one of the coolest zombie kills ever to grace the silver screen?
If I really had to bitch about anything, it's that the VHS transfer from Creature Features is horrible. Everything is dark and fuzzy and grainy – so much so that at times it is hard to tell what is going on, especially during the village attack. Was that a zombie that just passed by? Who's shooting who? Hello, I'd like a bit of light with my nighttime so I can tell just what in the hell is going on! Thankfully though, the DVD from Blue Underground (under the title HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD) is clearer than Caribbean waters. So pick that one up if you can.
NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES is tacky, wacky, crude, cheesy – in short, a poor man's zombie film. But it is a whole helluva lotta fun, guaranteed to go well with your beer. So check it out and make this an October worth remembering. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about MAD COW for Troma Tuesday. NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES aka HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD is available from Amazon (on a double feature BluRay with Mattei's RATS: A NIGHT OF TERROR).
Ah, MAD COW: a movie that SHOULD have been good, yet is as limp as a dead bull's dick.
A South African game lodge and reserve is being terrorized by a human/cow created by a mad scientist. It is up to Charlize (Tanya Van Graan) and police officer Vince Chopper (Greg Viljoen) to stop this psychotic hybrid before he turns everyone into ground beef. Who will survive? Who will die? Will you care?
Though billed as a "horror/comedy," MAD COW is short on either. What it is LONG on, however, is laziness. You can tell there was very little effort put into making an entertaining product. The filmmakers seemed content to just slap some shit together and call it a movie in an attempt to gain bragging rights amongst their friends and family. What makes this irritating is that MAD COW's story has the potential to deliver a zany B-movie chock full of cheesy goodness and glorious gore.
The trouble begins when we look at the box art. The box art depicts a cow's head with an angry expression on top of a man's body and he/it is holding a legit chainsaw. Looks pretty good actually, like a human/cow hybrid would – and as the description STATES it is. But the actual product? A shitty-looking cow's head worn by someone in what appears to be footie pajamas made to look like a cow's body. And the chainsaw looks like a kid's toy. This is NOT a human/cow hybrid: THIS is a cow that walks upright and uses a chainsaw. It may sound like nitpicking but it's indicative of the amount of effort and thought – or, rather, lack thereof – that went into making MAD COW.
But no matter, perhaps the flick will be saved by some decent gore? Nope. What passes for gore here is little more than ketchup squeezed from a bottle. Right there is proof that we've passed beyond low-budget territory into the territory of pure laziness. We don't even get half-assed attempts here - because, once again, that would require effort. When a Jess Franco cannibal flick has more effort put into it, you KNOW a movie is cow shit.
But maybe the comedy will be a saving grace? While there ARE some funny moments in MAD COW (largely thanks to Greg Viljoen, the only actor here who has a clue), it's mostly dull. Playing with audience expectations, the bulk of MAD COW's humor style, can be funny if done well. In MAD COW, most of it isn't and just comes off as a joke.
BUT. All is not lost as we DO get a bit of nudity – and a funny scene involving pubic hair to go along with it. But the movie goes back to sucking right after that.
MAD COW is a typical dollar store production with the added detriment of brain-dead laziness. And it's mostly boring, as my checking the remaining runtime numerous times will attest to. Sure, you'll laugh a couple of times but it's not worth sitting through this cow pie for those few moments. Not even booze could improve this flick. In short, MAD COW is udder rubbish.
The DVD extras include a Making-Of featurette (pointless), a trailer, a mock commercial on factory farming, and some Tromatic extras. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2 for Troma Tuesday. MAD COW is available from Amazon.
"And Jesus asked him, 'What is your name?' He replied, 'My name is Legion, for we are many.'" – Mark 5:9
Originally built in the 1870's and then abandoned around 1985, the Danvers State Mental Hospital was intended to house 2700 patients, but at times more than 7,000 patients were contained within its sprawling hallways. This site was the setting for Brad Anderson's (THE MACHINIST) haunting film SESSION 9, made in 2001 and now released on BluRay with a batch of fascinating extras from Shout Factory.
If there ever was a location that screamed out to be used in a horror film, it was Danvers; located outside of Boston (MA), this was a place where horrible things were done in the name of humanity and therapy for those unfortunate souls that found themselves abandoned here.
As I watched this film, I kept thinking how similar it was to Stanley Kubrick's masterpiece of modern horror, THE SHINING. In both films the setting becomes an active participant in creating the overwhelming sense of dread, and Danvers was literally captured the way it was, with the filmmakers using natural light, the grounds surrounding the hospital, and even the abandoned papers and office furniture left behind to create the atmosphere of a haunted, damned place. Written by director Anderson and cast member Stephen Gevedon, this film relies on the Jacques Tourneur style of moody filmmaking using the existing structure, the abandoned equipment, and a slow, steady plot that builds to a nerve wracking climax. Often mentioned on many "best horror films you never saw" lists, SESSION 9's arrival on BluRay should result in more people seeking out the film.
The plot concerns the five men of a local asbestos removal company that puts in the low bid for the job; not only that, but owner and new father, Gordon (Peter Mullan, TRAINSPOTTING) states that they can accomplish the work in a week's time, but this is a completely unrealistic goal and his crew knows it. Phil (David Caruso, KING OF NEW YORK) is Gordon's project supervisor and while he knows that they are behind the eight ball on this job, he is willing to give it a shot. The other three men in the crew are: Mike (Stephen Gevedon, HAPPY ACCIDENTS) a law school drop-out that enjoys physical labor; Jeff (Brendan Sexton III, WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE), Gordon's nephew and a guy who is simply happy to be employed; and, finally, Hank (Josh Lucas, AMERICAN PSYCHO), a blue collar guy that likes gambling and enjoys busting Phil's chops because he stole his girlfriend. These five men are unwittingly about to make a descent into the madness that is Danvers State Hospital, a sense we get early on when Gordon hears a disembodied voice calling his name as he stares down an empty corridor. The use of the building as an authentic haunted place is quite striking thanks to its twisting stairwells, underground tunnels and cavernous empty spaces that are all utilized to create a sense of impending doom.
This film is a slow burn of a cinematic experience. Director Anderson makes the most of the set by having each of characters discover their own secrets while wandering around in the old building; this steady development is a pleasant change from the clichéd surprises of other horror films of the time. There are no chunk-blowing special effects or CGI; instead we get many beautifully framed long tracking shots, an excellent ambient score and worthwhile character development.
The tension mounts as the days pass and, in an obvious nod to THE SHINING, the days of the week are announced boldly at the start of each new day. The majority of the film was shot during the day and makes use of natural light; the outdoor scenes offer some creepy shots of nature at work with close up shots of insects and a reoccurring bird call signals when owner Gordon is fading in and out of reality. Just like in THE SHINING we get a hinted at paranormal experience without anything too blatant. My favorite scenes involve the use of voiceovers as we hear the doctor speaking to patient Mary Hobbes about something horrible that happened on Christmas Day in Lowell in 1951. As Mike listens to the various tape recordings, we too are sucked into the ongoing mystery slowly unravelling before our eyes. Another film that SESSION 9 pays homage to is Nicholas Roeg's DON'T LOOK NOW with its labyrinthine, fog-ridden alleyways in Venice providing that same sense of approaching dread.
Each worker is affected by the hospital differently: Gordon is concealing a secret regarding his new family while Phil is seething at Hank's overt romantic conquest of Amy, his former girlfriend. Mike discovers a box of old patient/doctor recordings that triggers the release of possible former horrors that happened years ago. Meanwhile, Hank discovers a hoard of possessions and hidden coins of the former inmates and thinks that he has struck it rich, and Jeff has a paralyzing fear of the dark. Each man embodies the psychic toll that exposure to the ancient hospital is having on them, until the film's climax when all is revealed.
The title of the film refers to a series of old reel-to-reel sessions between an unnamed doctor and a patient, Mary Hobbes, a victim of multiple personalities. As Mike listens to each tape we hear the chilling discourse between patient and doctor and learn that Mary has three separate entities inside of her: Princess, a young talkative girl; Billy, an older boy that sees everything; and, Simon, a darker personality that finally emerges at the end. Throughout the film we hear various snippets of the taped conversations which are superimposed over various long shots of the building's abandoned rooms and fenced-in stairwells – which supply some serious chills. The suspense continues to build as we witness various incidents that aren't fully explained such as the disappearance of Hank, unexplained sounds that suggest that someone or something else is in the building, and other visual clues that all combine to create a truly horrifying experience.
The end of the film comes with a bloody payoff and we get some answers to many of the questions that the filmmaker has raised, but the true horror of the film is found in the many lingering images and general unease that one experiences while viewing the film. Like the haunted house featured in Robert Wise's THE HAUNTING, we too are left wondering if it was our collective imaginations at work or if there was the presence of an actual evil in the building. Unfortunately, only Gordon and, ultimately Simon, knows for sure. One of the lesser problems that other critics have pointed out is that not all of the pieces fit together nice and neatly and that there are some flaws in the story's logic. That may be true, but it wasn't a big deal for me at all. I don't expect a film to tie everything together in a nice, neat package, but rather I credit filmmaker Anderson with creating a haunting masterpiece of a film that should linger for a long time in the viewer's memory.
Extras include 1080p High Definition Widescreen (2.35:1) DTS-HD Master Audio Stereo, Running Time 100 Minutes, Special Features: Return to Danvers: The Secrets of Session 9 Featuring Interviews with Brad Anderson, Stephen Gevedon, Horror's Hallowed Grounds, Audio Commentary with Director Anderson, Deleted Scenes/Alternative Ending, Story-To-Screen Featurette, The Haunted Palace Featurette and Theatrical Trailer. – Robert Segedy This is Robert Segedy's first piece for ER. Look for his review of recent releases of Tinto Brass classics from Cult Epics in the upcoming Exploitation Retrospect #53 available later this month. SESSION 9 is available from Amazon.
Let me start off by saying that I selected this screener for review from Dan without knowing a damn thing about it. Now, let me add that I'm so sick of homages and remakes that I could just fucking puke. So the gag reflex was triggered and standing by, ready to blow, when I opened the package containing BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE and right on the back cover I read that dreaded word – "homage." I was about ready to slap a "Return to Sender" sticker on the package, place it back in the mail and cut my ties with this film in an instant... but, I talked myself down from the proverbial ledge and settled into my well-worn ass spot in my film viewing chair and hit "Play". I was quite honestly thinking I'd give it ten-, twenty-minutes tops before I gave up in anger or frustration, or both. After a shaky ass opening that I started to dissect with a hyper-critical eye, the film did something I did not expect; it began to get interesting, the cast (for the most part) were engaging in their parts, and this homage to 80's stalker films became a kind of, sort of, fresh take, even while maintaining a vibrance and feel for the era depicted.
The film revolves around a police officer turned detective named James Fincher who, ten years prior to the current time frame the film resides in, was attacked by a mask-wearing killer named The Ripper. While investigating a disturbance at a residence where twenty-three people were killed during a party, including a prominent Judge and District Attorney, Fincher was run through with a knife. Fincher's life since has spiraled out of control into a drunken stupor, with his wife and daughter abandoning him and his alcoholism getting him booted off the police force after the Ripper resurfaces and begins to kill again. Actor Matt W. Cody – who portrays Fincher – is the fuel that keeps this film moving; with a finely nuanced performance of a man whose life is swirling out of control due to addiction and his continued inability to solve the case that haunts him.
Will Fincher get his shit together and help figure this case out? Can he save his wife and daughter from danger? And, why and how he is connected to the killer... or killers?
Now I'm not here to totally gloss over the film's issues and BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE has a sizable few. There's a continued issue with the sound that, at times, makes it impossible to hear conversations between characters. And, while well framed and shot (for the most part), some of the camera work is downright atrocious. Homage or not, these issues detract and do not add to the film. The last and most glaring issue is the length of the film; the screener I viewed clocked in at a mind-ripping 113 minutes.
One question that nags me while viewing homages to the Slasher genre: are the kills only done in an homage fashion because of an actual nostalgic love for these films or is the lack of originality the fault of the filmmakers... or is it just plain old laziness?
While the film is a dreaded homage, in my mind it saves itself with some solid acting, abundant nudity and a very good script. Though the age demographic of most of the female victims – and nudity providers – killed after the Ripper returns are in the 15-17 (?) range, my mind assured me that these really young looking women were indeed over eighteen. The use of a video store in the film where a couple of killings occur is a great touch and the mask-wearing killer is well realized and brings a sense of malice and tension to the scenes where he is stalking his prey. The blood and gore is generous and is always part of the film as opposed to gore for the sake of gore as some movies tend to indulge in.
Most of the characters are well defined and given enough substance so as to be properly fleshed out, warts and all. The film is just a wee bit too long for its own good and tries to bite off more than it can chew; it's clearly in need of more editing and the removal of some unnecessary scenes. The ending is chaotic but very well handled, with most of the interlocking characters coming to some harm either physical or emotional. This throws the whole thing into a sadistic melee of violence that exposes the suspect (or suspects) in a bloodbath that may not allow the good or righteous to survive the night.
Issues aside, BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE is an interesting enough experience and a movie I can recommend to horror fans of today as well as devotees of 80's slasher films. Flawed and overlong, but a film that grabs and holds your attention. Director Manny Serrano, who co-wrote the script with Louie Cortes, is a director with potential; and, with the right bit of self-imposed restrictions and a reining in of his overflowing talents he could make a major mark in the horror genre someday soon! – Michael Hauss Michael Hauss lives in Cincinnati, Ohio with his daughter and their cat Rotten Ralph. He has had reviews and articles published in Monster, Weng’s Chop, We Belong Dead, Divine Exploitation and Multitude Movies. He also contributed to the book 70’s Monster Memories and is a regular contributor to the blogs Theater of Guts and Spaghetti Western Database. This is his first piece for ER. BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE is available from Amazon.
And away we go with the ninth year of the annual 31 Days of Fright feature here at the ER blog.
The idea was oh so simple when I started doing this back on October 1, 2008. I had recently done some themed posts over at my food and drink blog (The Hungover Gourmet) and was looking for a way to get inspired here at ER. Daily horror film related posts throughout October seemed like a natural.
And that was how the whole thing started.
Things were easier then. My daughter was about 16 months old but had no school, no activities, no friends running around the house. She slept for two hours every afternoon, giving me a perfect opportunity to eat lunch and watch some trash to be written up during the next nap or high chair confinement, er, snack.
It's a little different at ER HQ these days. She's 112 months old now – 9 years and change if you want to be a traditionalist. School. Sports. After school activities. Friends. Playdates. Homework. School projects. Then whole shebang. Hardly ever takes a two hour nap after lunch.
Kids can be sooooo selfish.
Anyway, being a stay-at-home Horrordad combined with work, home life and foolishly putting together a whopper of a 30th anniversary issue of ER (coming soon! no! seriously!) has certainly made blogging more of a challenge. Luckily, it may have taken 30 years but I finally seem to have a solid group of contributors who willingly chow down on the video flotsam and jetsam that drifts through these doors on a regular basis.
In other words, I fully expect more than six posts this year. (That was 2015's pathetic tally. Sheesh.)
So let's get this party started and kick things off in our traditional manner... gonna trick it to the treats with Michael Macdonald...
Back in the 70s and 80s our local drive-ins and trashy movie theaters advertised heavily on the mom & pop radio station that played constantly in our suburban kitchen. So it wasn't odd to hear Phillies recaps and Four Seasons tunes lead directly into ads for the traumatizing THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN or the sounded-too-good-to-be-true freakfest SCREAMERS ("You will see a man turned inside out!") while chowing down on some sugar-bombed cereal or a mid-week Heart Attack Breakfast (bacon, eggs fried in bacon grease, white toast, butter, towering glasses of whole milk).
But two ads that still stick out in my mind are the over-the-top spots for BASKET CASE (you received a free surgical mask "to keep the blood off your face!") and Umberto Lenzi's cannibal gross-out MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY (aka CANNIBAL FEROX).
If I close my eyes I can still see the standard issue yellowish green appliances that dominated our small kitchen, the five burner stove, an inexplicable bowl of bacon covered with a paper towel, and the pot of half-regular/half-decaf coffee made who knows how many days ago that my parents would simply reheat in the microwave till it was gone. It should come as no surprise that I preferred tea for the entire time I lived under their roof.
And there I sit, hair parted in the middle, oversized tortoise shell glasses that would make A Flock of Seagulls proud, wiping away the drool as I hear – for the fifty-seventh time that week – "for what they have done... MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY..." as the bass vibrates the tiny transistor radio halfway across the kitchen table.
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure HOW the hell I missed out on seeing MTDS at the Super 130 Drive-In that weekend. It had been banned in something like 57 countries! What if the United States was next?! What was I waiting for?!
Fortunately, that banning never took place and MAKE THEM/CANNIBAL FEROX soon became a VHS gorefest staple thanks to the oversized Thriller Video box that depicted scantily clad victims, jungle savages with machetes and black & white stills that – as far as I knew – might as well have escaped from the set of a snuff flick. As the box copy read, "Too disgusting to watch. Too bizarre to resist." Damn straight.
While PSYCHO, RE-ANIMATOR, DAWN OF THE DEAD, BLOODSUCKING FREAKS and NIGHT OF THE CREEPS easily top my list of most seen horror flicks, I'd venture that countless viewings via VHS, laserdisc, DVD and theatrical revivals definitely push CANNIBAL FEROX into the Top 10, perhaps higher.
And you can add another viewing to the list thanks to Grindhouse Releasing's definitive (to date) Blu-Ray release which out cannibals every previous release of this gut-munching sinema classick.
If you've never seen CANNIBAL FEROX I'm not really spoiling anything by saying it plays out like most of its ilk: an expedition to prove/disprove cannibal rumors goes horribly wrong, our protagonists see some crazy shit, there's a smattering of guerilla-style NYC footage and some Mondo-esque animal cruelty (an unfortunate trademark of the genre that gives the flicks a somewhat sordid rep), and the inevitable retribution for what they have done which leads to some "who are the real savages?" moralizing and hand-wringing. Fin.
But of all the sleazy, gross, sweaty, grimy, sleazy and sweaty – did I mention sleazy? – 80s cannibal gut munchers, FEROX is far and away my favorite, though that seems like an odd word to use. Maybe it's the performance from Eurotrash icon John Morghen (Giovanni Radice) as Mike "Emeralds and Cocaine" Logan, a two-bit dirtbag who lit out of NYC with $100,000 in syndicate cash and leads our hapless trio into the misery that awaits them. Maybe it's the way the flick jumps from the harsh jungles to the urban jungle, packing in those cinema verite shots of late 70s/early 80s New York that highlight all the era's true sleaze epics. Perhaps it's the iconic Budy Maglione score that mixes jungle beats and prog rock rhythms into a haunting soundtrack for a road trip to hell.
Ahh, who am I kidding? Deep down FEROX plucks at my aging gorehound heartstrings and piles on the eyeball knifing, dick hacking, coke snorting, turtle thwacking, native torturing, penis chomping, boob hanging, castration cauterizing, hand chopping, skull popping and brain chomping with so little regard for the viewer's senses that it's exhausting. Don't believe me? The box features glowing endorsements from such trash luminaries as Rick Sullivan (GORE GAZETTE), Bill Landis (SLEAZOID EXPRESS) and Chas. Balun (DEEP RED, THE GORE SCORE) so you know you're in for a real treat.
Grindhouse Releasing's Deluxe Edition is a spectacular package that includes an uncensored, unrated director's cut with deleted footage, a remixed score, commentary tracks from Lenzi and Morghen, interviews with cast and crew, liner notes from Landis and Eli Roth (whose interest in the genre led to his own GREEN INFERNO), a bonus CD of the unforgettable soundtrack and even a feature length documentary on the rise and fall of cannibal cinema. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and loves him some cannibal movies. For more on what we're watching, what's coming up at ER and when the next issue will hit the streets, be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. CANNIBAL FEROX is available from Amazon.
After 30 years of watching and writing about trashy horror movies and violent action flicks I've adopted some definite maxims. One is that if you can't tell me your story in 90 minutes or less I probably don't want to hear your story. Another is that every movie would probably be improved by sticking some zombies or zombie-like creatures in it.
For example, I love NIGHT OF THE CREEPS but without the slug-infested frat boys it's just another teen sex comedy with a depressing sub-plot about some local cop who killed himself. DEMONS? Take out the titular creatures and it's an Italian arthouse flick. RE-ANIMATOR without Dr. Hill and his sexually aggressive head is just one in a long line of med school dramas. No thanks!
Luckily, the producers of THE ZOMBINATOR realized that the world did not need yet another documentary about the Youngstown, Ohio fashion scene and decided to amp up the proceedings with an improvised docudrama-cum-horror flick featuring a Schwarzenegger impersonator who looks like Steven Seagal and NFL coach Gary Kubiak had a big trenchcoat-wearing baby.
Sure, that'll work.
Set in the aforementioned and horrific-looking Youngstown – in the news recently for this hysterical story – THE ZOMBINATOR begins as an excruciating faux fashion doc filled with local fashionistas blabbing about stuff. And fashion. At a wake for Bobby, a local serviceman who lost his life in Afghanistan, they stand around, talk about projects and going to "the city" (Cincinnati? Pittsburgh? Dayton?!). Also in attendance is The Colonel (co-producer Patrick Kilpatrick), a no nonsense military type who brought Bobby's ashes back from the Middle East and remarks – with a straight face and not a hint of sarcasm – how these numbskulls are the greatest generation.
When a set by Youngstown's finest zombie metal band is interrupted by a little undead girl, THE ZOMBINATOR finally begins morphing into the zombie outbreak thriller we were all hoping for, though director Sergio Myers punishes us by maintaining the reality show/documentary conceit until somebody finally blurts what we're all thinking – "why are you guys still filming this?!".
Oddly fascinating and surprisingly entertaining in a "how did this get made?" way, THE ZOMBINATOR eventually takes over its host and turns into a full-blown rip-off of a low grade, straight-to-video Seagal flick, complete with government conspiracies and a mano-a-mano showdown between The Colonel and The Zombinator (Joseph Aviel).
Filled with eye-rolling improv, metalhead ghostbusters, smoking priests and thick legged fashion gals in short skirts, THE ZOMBINATOR clocks in at a relatively painless 81 minutes. I guarantee your mileage will vary with this one. – Dan Taylor THE ZOMBINATOR is available from Amazon and as of 10/9/15 is currently streaming free as part of Amazon Prime. Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and makes no apologies for liking THE ZOMBINATOR at the same time he hates RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. For more head scratching sinematic admissions visit our website, follow ER on Facebook and like us on Twitter.
"This place is older than time. It's just the wood settling..."
Of all the movie monsters that populate the horror landscape, I'd have to say that mummies have to be my least favorite. Give me a bloodsucking vampire, stitched up monster, drooling werewolf, horny sea creature, teen-stalking killing machine or any variation on the above and I'm pretty happy for the next 90 minutes. But throw down some dross about a sack of ancient sawdust shambling after its victims and it's like a big old cinematic shot of diphenhydramine.
So when ISIS RISING: CURSE OF THE LADY MUMMY hit my mailbox it should have gone right into the pile reserved for other reviewers.
However, I am a simple man and one look at Priya Rai on the cover convinced me that maybe it was worth a look. Not familiar with Miss Rai's um, body of work? I'll give you a minute to check out her filmography, though you might not want to use your employer's computer. Or the one in your family room.
The star of such adult offerings as MOMMY GOT BOOBS 2, TITTY SWEAT and BRA BUSTERS, the tiny but top heavy Indian (by way of Minnesota) stars here as Isis, an Egyptian princess who swears vengeance on her hubbie's brother after he has her lover's body cut into pieces and cast about green screen Egypt.
Cut to present day as a professor, an Egyptologist and six students out of central casting (Jock, Rocker, Trashy Babe, Busty Skank, Asian Nerd, Dork) set out to spend the night in a museum on an archeology project, unaware that the centuries old resurrection incense is going to, you know, resurrect Isis.
What follows is a slow, surprisingly talky horror flick in which Isis possesses the female members of the team while the dudes get their comeuppance. Luckily, the ancient Book of the Dead – which looks suspiciously like a dictionary – holds the key to surviving the night.
Shot with the same bright SOV porn vibe as Bruno Mattei's THE TOMB, ISIS RISING fails to deliver on whatever promise the box held. Priya Rai is in the film for maybe five minutes and while I don't know if she has the acting chops to pull off a feature-length performance, her other assets could have made the 80-minute running time not feel like it was soaked in molasses.
What might have been a good opportunity to crank out a sexy, bloody, low-budget mummy movie is instead wasted on masturbating security guards, oral sex gags and meatheads who say things like "what's up, Reading Rainbow?"
Yo! Reading is stupid! – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and really should be working on the new issue instead of watching stuff like ISIS RISING. You can get all the latest about new reviews and the upcoming issue by following ER on Facebook and Twitter or keeping tabs on this blog and our website.
Those Germans know a thing or two about beer and over-the-top gore flicks, so it was with great anticipation that I matched up a Schneider Weisse Aventinus Wheat Dopplebock Ale with NECRONOS: TOWER OF DOOM (2010). And while one is rich and bold and filled with ripe fruit flavors the other is, well, an insane two-hour gorefest.
Opening centuries ago, NECRONOS tells the story – if I understood the borderline incoherent, occasionally Germanic title cards correctly – of a wizard who makes a fatal pact with The Devil. After he has been captured, tortured, killed, chopped up AND burned, the wizard toils in Hell until he rises to the rank of head demon.
Sent back to Earth by Satan – whom he communicates with in a tour de force of forced perspective – the wizard aka Necronos is charged with the task of plunging the world of humans into darkness via a berserker but he'll need to send his monstrous assistant Goran (Timo Fuchs) around to collect a pretty complex list of ingredients in order to carry out the recipe. To be quite frank, I'm not sure Goran is up to the task.
What follows is one of the grimiest gore flicks you'll ever witness as Goran makes his way through fishermen, trysting campers, metalhead snuff film auteurs and "the chosen one" in an attempt to get Necronos the ingredients he needs.
Thomas Sender – who also worked as the set decorator for the flick – cuts an impressive figure as the titular demon wizard. For my money there are few things more terrifying than some hooded dude in black face and black teeth barking German. He could be reciting the words to the 'Sofia The First' theme and it'd still make my skin crawl.
There's not much story but Rohnstock and his Infernal Films comrades pack every second of NECRONOS' 127-minute running time (!) with enough decapitations, bone gnawing, naked nubiles, mouth hammering and fountains of blood, gore and nastiness that - like the accompanying beer – you won't want it to end.
I'm not sure NECRONOS: TOWER OF DOOM is for everybody. Clearly, if you're looking for story to go with your horror imagery, you may want to take your entertainment dollars elsewhere. But if you dig the rocking, shocking wave of Teutonic Terrors a la Andreas Schnaas and Timo Rose (both of whom appear in NECRONOS) you won't regret checking into this particular tower. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect. You can read hundreds of reviews like this one at our website and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Twitter for the latest updates and exclusive content. NECRONOS: TOWER OF DOOM is available from Amazon.
While the recently reviewed SCOOBY-DOO AND THE RELUCTANT WEREWOLF magnified the original show's comedic roots and matchedthem with the absurdist elements often typical of Hanna-Barbera fare, 1998's SCOOBY-DOO ON ZOMBIE ISLAND turned those roots upside down and thankfully ditched ancillary characters like annoying nephew Scrappy and non-Velma galpal Googie while reuniting the old gang in the process.
Tired of chasing down spooks only to uncover hologram projectors and bad guys in masks, the Mystery, Inc. gang has gone their separate ways. Shaggy (voiced by one-time Howard Stern regular Billy West) and Scooby are customs inspectors, Velma owns a bookstore specializing in mysteries ('natch), and Daphne (with the help of cameraman/producer Fred) is an investigative journalist with a syndicated television show. When she announces her plan to track down and chronicle real supernatural events, Fred gets everybody back together for a road trip that takes them deep into the Louisiana bayou.
The first of more than twenty direct-to-video movies that capitalized upon and eventually boosted renewed interest in the property, ZOMBIE ISLAND not only features a palatable 77-minute running time but also introduced famous (or somewhat famous) actors in supporting roles. (The latest video adventure finds the gang teaming up with KISS to solve a rock and roll mystery in what is basically an animated sequel to KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM.)
Frustrated by a familiar parade of charlatans and paranormal hoaxes (set to a tune that gently mocks the original series), the reunited Mystery, Inc. end up as guests of Lena (Tara Charendoff) and Simone (Adrienne Barbeau), the cook and proprietor of a resort on isolated Moonscar Island. Built upon the grounds of an old hot pepper plantation (cue whacky hot sauce gags), the site is haunted by a ghostly pirate, roamed by zombies that are far more than simple animatronic spooks, and inhabited by a couple of moon-worshipping cat creatures intent on sucking the lifeforce from our heroes.
As the ZOMBIE ISLAND trailer promises, "this time the monsters are REAL!" and the gang soon find themselves up to their necks in ghostly messages, levitating Velmas, bayou zombies and voodoo dolls. Oh sure, there are the de rigeur Scooby-Doo elements such as the multiple red herrings (including Mark Hammil as woogy-eyed swamp fisherman Snakebite Scruggs) and the outrageous eating disorders of both Shaggy and Scooby, but the script by Glenn Leopold (who co-wrote the 1981 slasher THE PROWLER!) leans a bit more on the supernatural elements and gets downright spooky at times with monstrous transformations, pirate massacres and disembodied moans I had to promise to turn down during a recent screening.
In other words, it's no surprise that to this day my daughter refuses to watch ZOMBIE ISLAND after an initial viewing that gave her nightmares and led to a brief but strict Scooby-Doo moratorium.
Alas, after SCOOBY-DOO AND THE WITCH'S GHOST (featuring Tim Curry) and SCOOBY-DOO AND THE ALIEN INVADERS (in which visiting aliens dress up like hippies thanks to 1960s television shows) the remaining direct-to-video movies have resorted to more familiar territory complete with faux phantoms and thieving carnies.
Scooby and the gang return to Cartoon Network in the series 'Be Cool, Scooby-Doo' (see trailer below) in which the recent high school grads live it up while encountering monsters and mayhem. No word on whether those monsters will be real or of the "greedy scientist masquerading as a Mayan cat creature" variety, but the show definitely features a new take on the trademark animation – critics have compared to a 'Family Guy' cutaway gag – and apparently ditches the relationships and serial story arc format that highlighted the recent 'Mystery, Inc.' show. – Dan Taylor Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and has watched more Scooby-Doo in the last 6 years than any grown man should admit. Be sure to catch all the 31 Days of Fright posts by following ER on Facebook and liking ER on Twitter. Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island is available from Amazon.
It's hard to believe I've been doing the 31 Days of Fright feature here every October since 2008.
Then again, it's hard to believe 2015 marks the 29th anniversary of ER's debut, but that's another topic for another day.
Though I've given myself the added pressure of editing, writing and assembling the biggest issue in our history, I'm determined to make this the best 31 Days of Fright ever.
Okay, I'll settle for Top 3.
But before we go any further it's time for what has become a bit of a tradition on October 1st around these parts. It might not be The Stanley Cup or a green jacket given to the Masters winner, but I loves me some Happy Halloween from Michael McDonald...
Fall is here which means we'll be kicking into 31 Days of Fright, Exhumed Horrorthon IX and Halloween 2015 mode at any moment.
But before we do that – and begin finalizing Exploitation Retrospect #53 for its Fall/Winter publication date – the ER website at Dantenet.com was overdue for some updating.
While work continues on a master review index for the website (as well as some other housekeeping issues) I did take the opportunity to add some new reviews and a couple popular blog reviews that you might have missed.
SKINLESS (2013)
Dr. Peter Peel has a few problems. There's Dr. Alice Cross, the roommate/researcher he's carrying a torch for and Neil the Financier who wants results from the research he's been funding since the pair were fresh out of college. Oh, yeah, and there's that personal pan pizza-sized melanoma growing on his shoulder. But things are looking up. He's had a breakthrough in his cancer research and plans to synthesize the enzymes of a cancer-eating parasite in order for the serum to attack and eat cancer cells. What could go wrong...?
NYMPHO DIVER: G-STRING FESTIVAL (1981)
Now there's a title for a skin flick, one that conjures up Sapphic ménages, perhaps some bush league money shots... which, given that this is an early '80s Japanese skin flick probably won't materialize (despite the noble membership in the Nikkatsu Roman Porno Collection). It's still a pretty little ditty however, one that Japanese Film Scholar Jasper Sharp informs us in the liner notes belongs to that "most curious" of genres, "the ama or 'girl diver' film." And it's about...
THE LICKERISH QUARTET (1970)
As convoluted as THE LICKERISH QUARTET is, and Roger Ebert certainly pointed it out in his original review, it's still a delectable piece of surreal family drama sandwiched between two slices of bare-chested erotica. It flourishes in its own logic and makes its own broken rules. In short, it's superb.
ZOOM UP: THE BEAVER BOOK GIRL (1981)
ZOOM UP: THE BEAVER BOOK GIRL isn't structurally complex. The characters don't develop exponentially. The revelations aren't mind-blowing. Yet, almost every scene remains surprising. It's as if you don't expect to see any of it and when you do, you still don't believe what you just saw.
SCOOBY-DOO AND THE RELUCTANT WEREWOLF (1988)
1988's tv movie SCOOBY-DOO AND THE RELUCTANT WEREWOLF emerged at a time when the Scooby-Doo franchise was at a bit of a crossroads. Fans of the original series were all grown up, ironic appreciation of the series was a few years off, and newer fans had boosted flagging ratings only after the introduction of Scrappy-Doo, the brave, energetic and highly annoying nephew of the star pooch. RELUCTANT WEREWOLF jettisons Fred, Daphne and Velma in favor of Shaggy (voiced by the one and only Casey Kasem) and his "adoring but liberated girlfriend" Googie. Now an accomplished race car driver (?!), Shaggy becomes the object of desire of none other than Count Dracula himself.
SCREAM PARK (2014)
Cary Hill's SCREAM PARK takes the time honored (shopworn?) premise of the throwback slasher film for a spin with an entertaining 90 minutes that features masked maniacs, unleashed breasts and the occasional special effect to liven up the ride. While it may not be the 5 Star Octopus Loop-Dee-Loop of modern slashers, it steers clear of ending up in the spinning tea cups section as well.
THE LITTLE DRUMMER GIRL (1984)
The 1980s was definitely an age of best-selling novels being adapted into major motion pictures – with varying degrees of success. For every THE SHINING (1980) there's a FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC (1987). For every THE NAME OF THE ROSE (1986) there's a BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY (1988). For every THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP (1982) there's a trip to DUNE (1984). In other words, what happens when you yank the printed word from a reader's hands and splash it up on the big screen isn't always pretty. Or successful. George Roy Hill's boring 1984 adaptation of John Le Carre's 500-plus-page international bestseller THE LITTLE DRUMMER GIRL is no exception.
ADAM CHAPLIN: VIOLENT AVENGER (2011)
When Adam discovers that his wife has been killed by the local crime boss he sets out on a mission of revenge, hell bent on killing anyone that stands in his path. But what separates ADAM CHAPLIN from the endless stream of flicks with similar stories is that we're treated to an almost non-stop parade of insanely hyper-stylized supernatural action gore in which our frequently shirtless vigilante "hero" roams the fictitious town of Heaven Valley literally pulverizing anyone even remotely involved in his wife's demise.
CHINA AND SEX (1994)
I can save anyone that is not a hardcore fan of either director Joe D'Amato or a worshipper of Chinese nipples a little time right here. CHINA AND SEX may not be for you. However, this is a nice piece in the later career of D'Amato as he moved away from Filmirage cheap shockers such as CRAWLERS and into his final and ultra-prolific career as a full-time porn maven.
