31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: This SHIN GODZILLA (2016) Review Brought to You by GoToMeeting

The first teaser trailer for SHIN GODZILLA (GODZILLA RESURGENCE) filled my inner ten-year-old with raging excitement. Hearing it was coming to theaters for a limited run in the States made me guaranteed to give work the shaft – I was hellbent on seeing the Big G's latest adventure! In the theater, I was giddy with excitement and anticipation. When I walked out, my soul was crying with disappointment.

A leak in Tokyo Bay's Aqua Line tunnel sends government officials speculating on the cause. Was it some kind of underwater eruption? Or is it Godzilla? If you guessed the Big G, you're correct. Soon, Godzilla emerges from the water and begins trashing everything in sight en route to Tokyo. Will the Japanese government be able to stop Godzilla? Or will he turn Japan into a graveyard?

Let me tell you, my heart literally skipped a beat when Godzilla's stomp and roar were heard during the Toho logo. And I have to give SHIN GODZILLA credit for dispensing with the bullshit in the beginning and getting right down to business.

However, things go downhill from there.

First off, Godzilla's new look is sure to inspire more laughs than frights. G's look in GODZILLA VS DESTROYAH is an obvious influence here, minus the menace: those big eyes and TOO disproportionate arms make him look more like Godzilla's retarded cousin, Derpzilla. And that's not even the worst part: the first time we see Godzilla he looks more like the degenerate offspring of Zilla and Anguirus. Why? Simple: because Godzilla's still evolving. It isn't until nearly halfway through that we see him looking more like his normal self. Maybe Derpzilla is one stop along the way to Godzilla. Only sequels will tell.

Godzilla also has some new special features, which include: an atomic ray instead of radioactive breath, a lower jaw that splits, a tail that likewise shoots an atomic ray and a laser light show that erupts from his back (I wonder if he's available for raves?).

Call me a luddite, but I'll take a dude in a rubber suit smashing models over CGI any day. However, the CGI in SHIN GODZILLA is actually pretty good. For the most part anyways. While objects look nearly lifelike, there are instances when Godzilla looks pretty dodgy. Also, Godzilla's animation is real stiff at times and makes him look more like an action figure being moved by a little kid as opposed to an organic being.

But enough about Godzilla himself. How does the rest of the movie fare? I'm not shitting you when I say Godzilla falls asleep halfway through the movie. That tells you quite a bit.

A lot of people bitched and moaned that 2014's GODZILLA didn't have enough monster action in it. This is true. However, the action it DID have was rousing and exciting. In SHIN GODZILLA, the action is barely half-mast. Godzilla does very little except trample things, knock down buildings and smash shit, none of it very exciting. Then it's nap time for the remaining hour until he is stopped in an unexciting and limp-dicked finale.

A good chunk of the movie is taken up by board meetings, political squabbles and bureaucratic inefficiency – all of which are, supposedly, digs at the Japanese government's inadequate responses to the 2011 Tohuku earthquake and the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear disaster. I have no problems with genre films tackling "big issues," but not at the expense of entertainment. Which is exactly what SHIN GODZILLA does.

And for a film that choses to focus more on the human drama than the monster action, the characters here are pretty lifeless and one-note. And there are way too fuckin' many of them. Half the time I didn't know who was who. The only one who stands out is Kayoko Patterson (Satomi Ishihara) because she speaks English at times and is nice to look at.

And another thing I have to bring up is the film's constant need to tell you WHO everyone is (no matter how minor a part they play) and WHAT everything is (no matter how insignificant) and WHERE everything is (once again, no matter how insignificant). Text constantly appears on the screen telling you the who, what, when, where, why, and how. It's acceptable to tell me the location is the Prime Minister's residence. You DON'T need to tell me when we're in an elevator. Or in a hallway. Or that a helicopter is some kind of helicopter. Or that a tank is some kind of tank. Or that a character in one scene for ten seconds is Mr. Of No Consequence. It's just distracting. And annoying.

At the end of the day, SHIN GODZILLA disappoints - and disappoints big. While it has its moments, there is very little to recommend here and should only be seen by Godzilla completists. All others are advised to play Kick the Can instead. – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about GORGO.

SHIN GODZILLA is currently in cinemas.



   

31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: Is GORGO Really TAKEN With a Giant Monster Instead of Liam Neeson?

The Japanese have GODZILLA and its numerous sequels, reboots, remakes and whathaveyou. The Americans have KING KONG and all its sequels, remakes and a crossover with Godzilla. The British have GORGO, one of the better giant monster flicks not in the previous two franchises. The Brits may have a reputation as a stuck up lot, but GORGO proves this doesn't apply to the destruction of London.

A volcanic eruption off the coast of Ireland unearths a giant monster. Joe (Bill Travers) and Sam (William Sylvester) see only dollar signs in their eyes and decide to take the monster back with them and sell it to the circus. But, in a plot device not utilized before, they discover that the 65-foot-tall monster is only the infant - with the parent being over 200-feet-tall! Soon, the parent emerges from the ocean and begins trashing London in search of its offspring. Will the army be able to wipe out this creature? Or will parent and child be reunited?

What makes GORGO such an excellent film is that, despite appearances, the monster is not the villain here. Instead, villainy is placed at the feet of Sam and Joe, whose greed and opportunism is the catalyst to London's destruction. Unlike, say, GODZILLA, where the monster, though created by human meddling, is the villain and we are to root against it, GORGO asks audiences to sympathize with the monster. It's not out to harm anyone. It just wants its child back. Essentially, GORGO is TAKEN with a giant monster instead of Liam Neeson. Awesome.

But what's a giant monster movie without some destruction? GORGO has plenty of that. Watch as Big Ben, Waterloo Bridge and Piccadilly Circus are trashed, smashed and thrashed! The model work is exemplary, especially for its time. One awesome shot has Gorgo taking a huge chunk out of Waterloo Bridge: looking closely, you can see people falling out of it to their deaths. The blue screen might be a bit dodgy here and there, but it's better than many productions from the same era. GORGO even contains a small homage to the original GODZILLA: the army attempts to stop him with powerlines, much like the Japanese did in GODZILLA.

And I just have to mention how cute Gorgo and Son look when they wiggle their ears like a small puppy.

Overall, GORGO is an excellent time at the movies. With stuff like SHIN GODZILLA threatening your insomnia (Editor's Note: stop back tomorrow for Evan's review of the latest Toho monsterfest meets bureaucratic primer), why not spend some time with something that ISN'T gonna put you to sleep? Something like GORGO, one of the best giant monster flicks out there.

This review is Gorgo Approved. – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES.

GORGO is available from Amazon.

31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: We Interrupt This Feature for Some Recent Views

Trying to put the finishing touches on a mammoth 30th anniversary issue and stay on top of our 31 Days of Fright blog feature may have been biting off more than I could chew.

In fact, it'd probably be for the best if we just moved Halloween to sometime in November.

Everybody cool with that?

Well, assuming that's going to get about as much traction as #repealthe19th I better put on my big boy pants and get back to work on both things!

But first, I wanted to dash off a few quick capsules of some of the movies I saw in the theater this week. That's right! I actually made it out to not one, not two, not three, but FOUR honest to goodness movies this week which throws my whole theatrical screenings average for a total loop. (Okay, so one was that MIDDLE SCHOOL movie which I saw with the wife and daughter but hey, it meant putting on presentable clothing and venturing into the outside world.)

First up was a trip to Silver Spring, MD for a couple screenings at the American Film Institute Theater. I'm pretty embarrassed that I've lived in this area for close to 16 years and last weekend was my first trip down there. Considering the number of revivals and their annual Spooky Movie Festival (which was the reason for the trip), I should probably have my "Movie Lover" card revoked. Bonus points for the burger, tots and Double Duckpin at the Quarry House Tavern around the corner, even if they did charge per can about what I pay for a six pack.

Up first was MY FATHER DIE (2016), the debut feature from Sean Brosnan, son of that guy who played James Bond. Chester (Chester Rushing of STRANGER THINGS) is best buds with and protector to his younger brother Asher (Gabe White). But when he crosses the line with their biker father, Ivan (an impressive Gary Stretch who looks like Norm McDonald's impression of Burt Reynolds coupled with Barry Bonds' steroid regimen), it results in Chester's death, Asher's hearing loss, and a long stretch in the slammer for dear old dad. Fast forward two decades when a grown, but still deaf, Asher (now played by Joe Anderson from TV's HANNIBAL) discovers that Ivan has been released early and he must ramp up his plan for revenge. A swirling, sweaty Southern gothic stew of preachers, porn, stomped cops, torture sessions, car chases and gun battles ensues as Ivan and Asher head towards their inevitable showdown. Maybe a touch long at 102 minutes, Brosnan's debut is nonetheless riveting and explosive, with plenty of humor to offset the revenge-driven mayhem. And yes, that's John Schneider as the grizzled cop following the trail of blood and bodies.



Shifting gears completely was the Spooky Movie followup. Tim Reis' BAD BLOOD: THE MOVIE (2016) is an ooey gooey love letter to all those mad scientist VHS flicks we rented in the 80s. Making her feature film debut, Mary Malloy stars as Victoria, a young woman home from college to find herself. Unfortunately, she finds herself living with her mom, meddling stepfather (Brian Troxell) and reptilian stepbrother. Out for a night with friends she ends up attacked by a slimy creature and is reported missing, presumed dead by Stensland (Troy Halverson), the investigator hired by her stepfather. When she turns up weeks later it's assumed she's hooked on some kind of designer drug which stepdad Wade quickly smashes so that she can get clean. Unfortunately, the "drug" was actually an antidote designed to keep her from turning into a hideous "werefrog". Calamity ensues. Reis, who also wrote the script, deftly juggles both horror and comedy, making BAD BLOOD feel like any one of a hundred similar flicks I rented over the years. Halverson practically steals the show as the deranged ex-cop on the werefrog's trail and though the ending never went as far as I hoped the whole slimy affair has me in search of THE DEMON'S ROOK (2013), an earlier flick Reis worked on.



Last but not least I had a chance to hit the theater last night for a screening of SHIN GODZILLA (2016), the latest Tokyo stompfest featuring The Big G. I'm neither a Godzilla fanboy nor a purist, so I wasn't bothered when friends whose opinions usually track with mine mentioned that the flick was maybe a tad talky and even, well, boring. These lowered expectations probably served me well and with a Bobby Flay Crunch Burger and Onion Rings in my gut and a Flying Dog Snake Dog IPA in hand (oh how I love modern cinemas!) I settled in for 120 minutes of wanton destruction. Unfortunately, it's more like 20 minutes of wanton destruction, Godzilla evolution and laser tails coupled with a solid 100 minutes of meetings, meetings about meetings, subtle digs at the US, not so subtle digs at the US, charts, origami, copier setup and did I mention meetings? Seriously, the BluRay should come with a 30 Day free trial for GoToMeeting. I'm thinking that having Godzilla TAKE A NAP (?!) in the middle of the movie probably wasn't the best plot device and the whole thing felt pretty anti-climactic, but any night that includes burgers, brews and a stompfest can't be all bad. – Dan Taylor


Dan Taylor is the editor and publisher of Exploitation Retrospect. He's pretty sure his recent case of writer's block is over. He should really get back to work on the 30th Anniversary issue of the zine.

VHS WEDNESDAY: GODZILLA 1985 (1984) starring Raymond Burr, Ken Tanaka

On Friday, July 29th The Big G returns to Japanese cinemas with GODZILLA RESURGENCE. And for those of us who complained that Gareth Edwards' 2014 GODZILLA featured too much crying Bryan Cranston and not enough, you know, Godzilla, this new flick seems to solve that problem. To celebrate the return of the big guy to the big screen Evan Romero takes a trip to the VHS vault with a look at GODZILLA 1985. 

The first Godzilla flick I watched was 1998's GODZILLA. Though I often caught bits of the originals on television, I'd never been able to actually sit and watch them for whatever reason. At first, I enjoyed the 1998 version. But my cousin, who was a huge Godzilla fan, told me I needed to watch the originals and that they were far better. I asked for a suggestion; he offered GODZILLA 1985 (the Americanized version of THE RETURN OF GODZILLA). After watching it, I was hooked, and the 1998 version began fading from memory...

Godzilla is back and just as pissed off – and is making a beeline for Tokyo. His destruction of a Russian submarine makes the Russians furious and intent on using nuclear weapons against Godzilla. The Americans are here – with journalist Steve Martin (Raymond Burr) in tow – to make the film marketable in America. However, the Japanese don't need no help against Godzilla as they have a secret weapon: Super-X, an attack plane that blows shit up. Now, Godzilla must contend with this pesky metal fly while trampling Tokyo and its citizens. Will Godzilla succeed in leveling Tokyo? Or will the Japanese utilize legit science to lure Godzilla to yet another grave?

GODZILLA 1985 was billed as a direct sequel to GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS, ignoring all the installments in between. Here, Godzilla returns as the villain and as a metaphor for nuclear weapons. But we don't really give a crap about the metaphorical aspects of Godzilla: we just wanna see The Big G destroy some shit. GODZILLA 1985 delivers on this. He destroys buildings, melts tanks, stomps on pesky humans, and blows shit up with his radioactive breath. The little child in each of us will be going bonkers with glee.

Watching this as an adult, I noticed just how out of place the American-made footage is and it how much it impedes the flow of the movie. Really, the American footage is here for no reason other than marketing purposes. Hell, the only productive thing they do is stop a Russian-launched nuclear missile (this subplot was slightly altered for the American release). Other than that, it's just them tossing about ideas or making lame wisecracks or spouting hammy dialogue – or all three at once! Raymond Burr is here only to shoot down the military's ideas, look intense, and wax poetically about Godzilla. Oh, and to collect a paycheck.

The Japanese footage, on the other hand, flows smoothly and feels natural. While the characters are little more than cardboard cutouts for Godzilla to stomp on, you might actually find yourself caring about one or two of them and hope they survive Godzilla's Tokyo vacation (the one I wanted to survive, sadly, doesn't).

Despite its flaws, GODZILLA 1985 provides solid entertainment guaranteed to make you feel like a kid again. Even as an adult, it still ranks as my favorite Godzilla flick and I'll cherish it forever.

And, finally, THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is making its Blu-ray debut this September thanks to the fine folks at Kraken Releasing. Sadly though, due to legal issues, GODZILLA 1985 won't be coming with it. Still, fans should be excited to finally be able to view the original in all its Big G glory. I know I am. – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about SGT. KABUKIMAN NYPD for Troma Tuesday.

GODZILLA 1985 is available from Amazon and THE RETURN OF GODZILLA is available for pre-order.