Going OVER THE TOP (1987) on VHS Wednesday

A couple summers ago my father-in-law and I were killing time between sitting on the beach and having cocktails when he flipped to OVER THE TOP (1987) on one of the cable channels. A sucker for a sports movie he settled in even though he had never seen it and it was about halfway through. In an attempt to bring him up to speed I started explaining the movie's plot as well as the backstory behind Cannon paying Sly big bucks, conning some poor slobs to market OVER THE TOP toys, etc. I'm still not sure if he believes anything I told him that day. Naturally, when Evan Romero dropped a hint that he'd be willing to review the flick for an upcoming VHS Wednesday, well, I couldn't resist. As long as I didn't have to watch it, too.

I don't know how in the hell I rope myself into reviewing stuff like OVER THE TOP for VHS Wednesdays. I guess I'm just real good at shooting myself in the foot. Of course our Fearless Editor saw me about to blow my big toe off, yet he did nothing to stop me. He knew my trepidation; knew how much I feared sticking this thing into my poor VCR. But there he sat, waiting to smile at my misfortune with some popcorn and a craft beer in hand.

Lincoln Hawk (Sylvester Stallone) is a truck driver who walked out on his family ten years ago. His wife, Christina (Susan Blakley), is gearing up to croak and wants Lincoln to bond with his estranged son, Michael (David Mendenhall). When Christina kicks the bucket, Michael's grandfather (Robert Loggia) steps in to keep them apart – permanently! But this being an upbeat 80's movie, we all know it'll end happily with some paltry and inspirational philosophy dropped along the way. Oh, and there's some arm wrestling thrown in because they wanted to make a stupid version of ROCKY.

OVER THE TOP is so damn tacky you could hang a poster with it. At the same time, you have to give it to Cannon Films for having the audacity to take a truck driving film, a father/son bonding film and an arm wrestling film and roll it into one clump of idiotic rubbish, then serve it up on a platter of sheer stupidity. On the one hand, you wanna laugh at the harebrained proceedings as the film moves along with zero fucks given; on the other, you wanna castigate yourself for watching it and never show your face in public again. Sure, it's fun to poke fun at, but just know you'll be doing it more for reasons of desperately trying to preserve what little dignity you have left (but if you're watching OVER THE TOP, it probably means you had none to begin with).

Performance-wise, no one gives a crap. Stallone looks as though he's embarrassed for himself and those watching; he moves about the sets and says his lines because it's required of him. Robert Loggia, usually dependable, looks like he'd rather be getting a root canal and a colonoscopy at the same time. The arm wrestlers are antagonizing in that 80's wrestling style and come off like cartoons – and not in a good way. Watch out for one who looks like Discount Apollo Creed.

I regret going one-on-one with OVER THE TOP. It's hot, buttery caca made for the sole purpose of showing that men with muscles can also have emotions (it fails). If it really wanted to be a good flick, it should have been about Lincoln losing the arm wrestling match and Michael, then turning into a psychotic truck driver and chasing down Dennis Weaver. Now THAT would have been a film worth watching. And one less embarrassing. – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about Troma's TERROR FIRMER.

OVER THE TOP is available from Amazon, you sick bastard.

VHS WEDNESDAY: SKATEBOARD (1978) with Leif Garrett, Allen Garfield, Orson Bean

Allen Garfield is one of my very favorite character actors of all time. He's one of those guys whose very appearance, however brief, will enliven any movie. (I think my favorite Garfield performance was as Fishbine, the owner of the ambulance company in 1976's MOTHER, JUGS AND SPEED.) SKATEBOARD (aka SKATEBOARD: THE MOVIE) is a rare starring vehicle for him and he makes good use of his inflated screen time. He really milks his lovable loser character for all its worth but you only wish that the screenwriters (one of whom is future Law & Order czar Dick Wolf) gave him better material to work with.

Garfield plays a talent agent who owes his ex-wife a lot of money and a notorious gangster even more. Desperate for some quick cash, he cooks up a scheme to promote a skateboard team after he witnesses their ringleader jump over his car while riding a board. Garfield takes the kids up and down the coast performing in skateboarding exhibitions under the moniker "The Los Angeles Wheels". When his top skater leaves the team abruptly, the youngster Brad (Leif Garrett, yes, Leif Garrett) steps in at the last minute for the big downhill race.

This was made a few years before guys like Tony Hawk and the Bones Brigade made skating cool. Because of that, most of the skateboarding scenes showcase the skaters doing more freestyle types of tricks. Still, the shots of kids skating on downhill courses, in drainage pipes, and in empty swimming pools aren't bad for what they are.

That pretty much sums up the movie.  It's okay for what it is.  It's amiable for the most part, but ultimately it's harmless and forgettable.

Garfield's performance carries the film a long way.  It seems like THE BAD NEWS BEARS was probably the inspiration as it features a foul-mouthed loser in charge of a bunch of kids (except for the fact that these kids, unlike The Bears, are all good at what they do). Garfield's exasperated kvetching while bossing the kids around is good for a few laughs on its own. If only he actually had some legitimate zingers to toss out, the flick could've been a real winner.  espite the weak script, Garfield plays the role as well as you'd expect him to, and most of the kids are naturalistic and appealing.

Since it's a definite product of its time, you can have fun watching it and knowing that they would never be able to get away with some of this stuff nowadays.  or a kid's movie, there's a surprising amount of drug talk early on (a drug dealer tries to sell Garfield some Maui Wowie while he's in the unemployment line) and there's a subplot about Garfield having to keep his star skater from messing around with a younger teammate (you know, because nothing sells a kiddie flick like a couple of statutory rape jokes). I also got a laugh from the scene where the star skater was arrested for drinking and skating. (I'm not kidding.)

As a sports film, SKATEBOARD is predictable and formulaic. Even within that genre, it comes up short as the skateboarding scenes get a bit repetitive after a while. (Future Direct to Video star Chad McQueen was one of the skaters.) Thanks to the detailed vans, short-shorts, and bellbottoms it almost (pardon the pun) skates by on pure '70s nostalgia alone. I mean no matter how patchy and overlong it was, I can't completely hate any movie in which Orson Bean plays himself. – Mitch Lovell

Mitch Lovell is a frequent contributor to the print version of Exploitation Retrospect. He is also the editor of The Video Vacuum and author of several film books including the recent Double Vision: Hollywood vs. Hollywood. He last wrote about THE DOGFIGHTERS for VHS Wednesday.

SKATEBOARD is available from Amazon.

VHS WEDNESDAY: Kickin' Off the Season with THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991) starring Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans

There was a time – back in the early 90s – when the events of THE LAST BOY SCOUT (1991) seemed ludicrous. Entertaining, yes, but ludicrous all the same. But with each passing season and its corresponding murder convictions, suspensions for domestic abuse, PED scandals and extravagant, choreographed primetime intros, are we that far away from a player pulling a gun on another player on the field? In other words, the NFL season starts tomorrow night so it's a great night (or day) for football and Evan Romero's look at this Sleazy Sportsman Hall of Famer. Take it away Evan – with a little help from Bill Medley... 

Ah, football season. The time of year for arguments to break out on Facebook over whose team is better and for football fans to get drunk and kill each other. It happens to coincide with our Fearless Editor hitting me up and desperately begging for VHS action film reviews. "Action! Action! I need action! Bullets, explosions, manly men with manly egos doing manly things! What have ya got, Evan?" Hmmm... Football season, manly men, bullets flying, shit blowing up... "How about THE LAST BOY SCOUT?" I say. His joyful scream sounds like a wolf with ragged vocal chords attempting a falsetto. "Yes, yes! Bruce Willis! Damon Wayans! Bullets and football! Stuff goes boom! Send it on over!"

Private investigator Joe Hallenbeck (Bruce Willis) is given the task of watching an "exotic dancer," Cory (Halle Berry), who's been having some problems with some goons. Sounds pretty routine. But when Cory ends up a victim of a professional hit, Joe knows somethin' ain't right. Further investigation shows that Sheldon Marcone (Noble Willingham), owner of the L.A. Stallions, put the hit on Cory – who may have been blackmailing Marcone. Teaming up with ex-L.A. Stallions quarterback Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans), Joe sets out to solve the murder and put the goons on the bench.

When people do the HIGH FIDELITY list shit and ask me for my Top 5 Action Movies to Watch on a Sunday Afternoon, THE LAST BOY SCOUT is amongst them. To me, the film has it all: fun heroes, despicable villains, exciting and rousing action sequences, lots of violence, one-liners aplenty, and solid comedy. Revisiting the flick after all these years, I expected to find myself jaded and on the verge of falling asleep. Nope. This film still rouses feelings in me that not even the anticipation of great sex can do. I just sit there on the edge of my seat, eyes wide and glued to the screen, spasms of elation racing through my body that make me look like a man with Parkinson's having a seizure.

Willis and Wayans are perfect in their roles. Their chemistry is so great it's hard to believe they hated working with each other and actually despised each other (so much for a sequel). And how can we forget about slimy ol' Milo, played with sleazy perfection by the late Taylor Negron? Hell, ALL the actors here, even those in bit parts, create memorable and fun characters you just can't help but love or hate. Even that "pimp-lookin' motherfucker with a hat" shines in his very brief time on screen.

The action scenes had me on the edge of my seat the entire time – even though I already knew what was coming. The final confrontation between Milo and Joe still ranks as my favorite scene, one that I often rewind and watch again. My only major gripe is that some of the violent scenes are trimmed after it was originally rated NC-17. Imagine just how bloody Milo's demise would have been had the scurvy cocksuckers at the MPAA left their hands off it! Bastards!

But the comedy is where THE LAST BOY SCOUT truly shines. It has more wit and one-liners than any action flick has a right to have and they are guaranteed to have you running to the end zone with laughter, "and then some."

THE LAST BOY SCOUT scores a touchdown in every aspect and is guaranteed to be enjoyed by all. So grab a beer (preferably a craft beer) and your football buds and check it out. I mean, it's better than going to a game and risking death at the hands of drunken, enraged fans... – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III for Troma Tuesday.

THE LAST BOY SCOUT is available from Amazon.