Have you ever wanted to see a yeti butt-fuck a man to death?
Ah, I'll bet that got your attention. But that isn't some ruse to get you to read further: it's a scene straight out of the 2006 Troma-tic bowel movement, YETI: A LOVE STORY.
The year is 1985. A group of college dipshits camping in New Hampshire stumble upon a cult dedicated to worshipping the yeti, whom they routinely offer sacrifices to. Emily (Lauren Glasscott) learns of a prophecy in which the yeti can be set free from the machinations of the cult via love from a sodomite. Adam (Adam Malamut) and the yeti fall in love – and just in time because Dick (Dave Paige) is about to be sacrificed by the cult (and I'm about to be sacrificed by myself for having put this much effort into describing this movie's story).
Reportedly shot for a mere $200, YETI: A LOVE STORY begins promisingly – even eliciting a chuckle or two – but soon devolves into a 70-minute borefest complete with overdone jokes, execrable attempts at humor, and no attempts at entertaining the viewer. Sure, this Troma-tic experience is accompanied by plenty of blood, guts, tits, ass and dicks (so your wives and gay friends will be happy); but given I can just see this stuff in any generic horror film which flies down the shit chute, I'd rather spend my time and money elsewhere.
YETI: A LOVE STORY is proof that some movies should never be made. I really thought this was gonna be a hidden gem in a shit-hill. Nope: 'tis but a shit clump disguised as fool's gold. As per usual, the folks at Troma show they'll distribute any festering piece of shit so long as it is tasteless. It really makes ya wonder if they even watch the crap they distribute.
Or, worse yet, maybe they DO! – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER (including our mammoth 30th anniversary issue available from our website) and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about MOST LIKELY TO DIE.
Time for another Troma Tuesday as Evan takes a look at the Maryland-lensed low-budget classic NIGHTBEAST from Don Dohler. I hadn't seen the flick since catching it at a local sci-fi and horror convention in the late 80s but Evan mentioned reviewing it for the blog so I went back for another look and concur that it's one of the finest pieces of trash ever released by Kaufman and Co. Look for MIDNIGHT MARQUEE publisher Gary Svhela and his father as locals who pull a dead girl from the back of their car.
When Troma distributes someone else's film, chances are it's a piece of shit that'll bore your dead grandmother to death. Thankfully though, this isn't always the case. Sometimes, Troma DOES hit pay dirt in their distribution acquisitions. Case in point: Don Dohler's NIGHTBEAST.
An alien craft crash lands near a small town and starts offing the clueless locals via ray gun, disembowelment and decapitation. Only Sheriff Cinder (Tom Griffith, who looks like the offspring of John Holmes and Mark Shannon) and his partner, Lisa (Karin Kardian) can stop the creature. Dohler regular Don Leifert appears in a small role as Drago, a biker who harasses the townsfolk.
NIGHTBEAST is a movie that knows its audience well. We ain't here for deep characterization or high drama: we wanna see the goony-lookin' alien get right down to business – business being disemboweling idiots and shooting them with a ray gun to make them vanish in a glorious flash of disco light (victims ain't "Stayin' Alive" here, folks). NIGHTBEAST moves along with zero fucks given, hardly stopping to take a breath other than when necessary. And it's one of the few movies to elicit some genuine tension from this viewer – something movies RARELY ever do. Bravo!
For a movie undoubtedly made on a budget of toe nail clippings and pocket lint, the special effects are about as good as it's gonna get. The optical effects look as though they were created using a disco lamp and the gore is what you'd expect from a low-budget film, i.e. cheap prosthetics and guts bought from Discount Butchers.
Whatever Troma was smoking when they picked up NIGHTBEAST for distribution they need to smoke more of it: of all the Troma-distributed films I've seen, NIGHTBEAST is definitely one of the best. No-bullshit entertainment is what NIGHTBEAST is all about, so do yourself a favor and take it up on the offer. – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER (including our mammoth 30th anniversary issue available from our website) and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about THE ORPHAN KILLER.
Happy 2017 to everyone out there in ER Land! Hope Santa – or Krampus – brought you whatever slabs of decadent sinema you were wishing for this holiday season. My apologies for the lack of posts in December. I barely had an opportunity to squeeze in some repeat Holiday Horrors right around Christmas thanks to what seemed like constant running around and working on the new issue. More on that in the next week or so but we're finally back on the review horse thanks to our tireless contributors, especially Evan Romero who steps up to the plate and takes one for the team with another Troma Tuesday entry, though it sounds like he kinda likes this one. Cheers!
When a Troma movie goes in my Blu-ray player, you know one of three things is true: 1) Our Fearless Editor wishes to torture me; 2) I'm desperate for entertainment; or, 3) I've heard good things about it. In regards to TERROR FIRMER, the third choice is the right choice.
A psychotic female is killing people left and right. This doesn't concern blind filmmaker Larry Benjamin (Lloyd Kaufman) who is only concerned with getting his latest picture finished. But the killer soon MAKES it his concern when she starts bumping off members of the cast and crew in grizzly ways. Will Benjamin and his rag tag group be able to stop this bloodthirsty killer? And what does this killer have against independent cinema? The truth is more horrifying than they can imagine...
Yup folks, Troma enters slasher territory here with a flick that isn't painful to watch. While I wouldn't put it amongst my top Troma choices, it definitely doesn't belong amongst the lowest. TERROR FIRMER has everything you want from a Troma flick: gratuitous nudity, poor taste, political and social commentary, "humor" and buckets of blood.
Women let their boobs, beavers and booties hang free; many are excellent deposits for the Spank Bank. The gore is over-the-top and in poor taste, but not quite as abundant as I'd hoped. Still, you get to see a fetus ripped from a pregnant woman's womb, a guy's dick stretched to absurd lengths, a mutilated Ron Jeremy feast upon a dick, a man eaten by an escalator, and much more!
But while the nudity, gore and poor taste are welcome, the political and social commentary runs itself into the ground - obviously the result of the three screenwriters trying too damn hard. Yes, we get it: you have leftist/counter-culture sympathies. There's no need to remind us in damn near every scene.
The humor mostly fails to strike the funny bone. Jokes are of Troma's typical toilet/low-brow variety, and while some are genuinely funny, many of them go on longer than they need to, resulting in jokes that aggravate instead of titillate and have you pressing the fast forward button.
But despite its faults, TERROR FIRMER is a solid addition to Troma's library. Many of the key elements are there to please Troma fans and to piss off the uptight P.C. elite. Plus, where else are you gonna see Lemmy doing a public service announcement for hermaphrodites? – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. TERROR FIRMER is available at Amazon.com.
After our usual post-Halloween ennui and associated hiatus we're back, loaded with treats for the holidays. Up first it's the latest Troma Tuesday installment with Evan Romero tackling yet another entry in the CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH series.
"Third time's a charm." So goes the quote. When approaching CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID, this quote hung in my head. Maybe THIS installment will be the charm!
After a recap of the events in the second one (reviewed here by Evan in a previous Troma Tuesday installment), we are introduced to Adlai Smith (Brick Bronsky), son of Roger Smith (Bronsky again), and his girlfriend, Trish (Lisa Star).
Unbeknownst to Adlai, his mother Victoria gave birth to twins. His twin brother, Dick (Bronsky yet again, who clearly thinks of himself as Peter Sellers), was kidnapped by Dr. Slag, PhD (John Tallman) and Professor Holt (Lisa Gaye) at birth and raised to be evil. Slag then uses Dick to frame Adlai and ruin his good reputation. Why? Simple: he wants to reduce Tromaville to toxic waste! Will Adlai be able to stop Dr. Slag, PhD's plan? Will Adlai be able to convince Dick to turn good? Will YOU, dear viewer, learn to make better viewing choices?
Third time's a charm? Nope. In the case of CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3, third time is absolutely the pits. Seriously, this installment sucks ass. While the second had a few mild guffaws sprinkled throughout, this one offers up absolutely nothing except boredom and irritation. It's truly amazing what SEVEN – yes, SEVEN this time – screenwriters can do, which is to take what made the second installment awful and amplify it! Yes, more unfunny humor, more meta-references, and more Brick Bronsky! Oh God, kill me now and give my body unto the necrophiliacs! As an added bonus, seven screenwriters don't make the film's pacing any better. In fact, this installment moves along as slow as a snail in molasses. No joke, I was far more interested in rearranging my movie collection.
Also, I wonder just who in the hell thought it would be funny to make a farting noise EVERY TIME Lisa Star's ass appears on screen. It isn't funny the first time, and it isn't funny the umpteen times they do it afterwards.
Toxie shows up once again to remind you that you're not watching THE TOXIC AVENGER. And, you get two added bonuses: Ron Jeremy pops up to remind you that you're not watching one of his porn scenes, and THE ELEPHANT MAN is referenced during a birthing scene to remind you that you're not watching that movie. This movie is practically trying to tell you, "Hey, don't watch me! Go watch something better!"
And yes, the subtitle DOES reference THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY, yet another superior film you could be watching...
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID is a subhumanoid of a movie. It's shit that thinks that knowing it's shit makes it not shit. But it's still shit either way you cut it, folks. Toss this movie to the fuckin' dogs. Once again, I'll close by altering the quote on the cover, this time from Joe Bob Briggs: "The worst CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH movie... since the last CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH movie."
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID is available on Blu-ray and DVD. Features include an intro by Lloyd Kaufman, a Lisa Gaye interview, and other stuff. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about SHIN GODZILLA.
Ah, MAD COW: a movie that SHOULD have been good, yet is as limp as a dead bull's dick.
A South African game lodge and reserve is being terrorized by a human/cow created by a mad scientist. It is up to Charlize (Tanya Van Graan) and police officer Vince Chopper (Greg Viljoen) to stop this psychotic hybrid before he turns everyone into ground beef. Who will survive? Who will die? Will you care?
Though billed as a "horror/comedy," MAD COW is short on either. What it is LONG on, however, is laziness. You can tell there was very little effort put into making an entertaining product. The filmmakers seemed content to just slap some shit together and call it a movie in an attempt to gain bragging rights amongst their friends and family. What makes this irritating is that MAD COW's story has the potential to deliver a zany B-movie chock full of cheesy goodness and glorious gore.
The trouble begins when we look at the box art. The box art depicts a cow's head with an angry expression on top of a man's body and he/it is holding a legit chainsaw. Looks pretty good actually, like a human/cow hybrid would – and as the description STATES it is. But the actual product? A shitty-looking cow's head worn by someone in what appears to be footie pajamas made to look like a cow's body. And the chainsaw looks like a kid's toy. This is NOT a human/cow hybrid: THIS is a cow that walks upright and uses a chainsaw. It may sound like nitpicking but it's indicative of the amount of effort and thought – or, rather, lack thereof – that went into making MAD COW.
But no matter, perhaps the flick will be saved by some decent gore? Nope. What passes for gore here is little more than ketchup squeezed from a bottle. Right there is proof that we've passed beyond low-budget territory into the territory of pure laziness. We don't even get half-assed attempts here - because, once again, that would require effort. When a Jess Franco cannibal flick has more effort put into it, you KNOW a movie is cow shit.
But maybe the comedy will be a saving grace? While there ARE some funny moments in MAD COW (largely thanks to Greg Viljoen, the only actor here who has a clue), it's mostly dull. Playing with audience expectations, the bulk of MAD COW's humor style, can be funny if done well. In MAD COW, most of it isn't and just comes off as a joke.
BUT. All is not lost as we DO get a bit of nudity – and a funny scene involving pubic hair to go along with it. But the movie goes back to sucking right after that.
MAD COW is a typical dollar store production with the added detriment of brain-dead laziness. And it's mostly boring, as my checking the remaining runtime numerous times will attest to. Sure, you'll laugh a couple of times but it's not worth sitting through this cow pie for those few moments. Not even booze could improve this flick. In short, MAD COW is udder rubbish.
The DVD extras include a Making-Of featurette (pointless), a trailer, a mock commercial on factory farming, and some Tromatic extras. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2 for Troma Tuesday. MAD COW is available from Amazon.
This morning I awoke to the news that the guy who co-directed THE SAUSAGE PARTY was signing on for a remake of the beloved THE TOXIC AVENGER. Though we've been down this path before, something tells me there's more merit to this reboot/remake news than previous attempts at relaunching the disfigured hero of Tromaville. One can only hope the resulting film will fare better with our own Troma scholar Evan Romero than today's Troma Tuesday entry, CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN...
I'll admit I'm no fan of the original CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH. While not a horrible movie, it just didn't do much to grab my attention. Well then, maybe the sequel would fare better.
Sadly, it makes the first look positively glowing.
After a recap of the original, we are informed that the Tromaville Nuclear Power Plant has been rebuilt – with the Tromaville Institute of Technology housed inside! As the school experiences a meltdown and is attacked by Tromie the radioactive squirrel, we are introduced to Roger Smith (Brick Bronsky), ace reporter with the Troma Tech Times, as he stays by the side of his beloved Victoria (Leesa Rowland), who is dying. Smith tells us of the events leading up to the catastrophe. Basically, Professor Holt (Lisa Gaye) is building a race of subhumanoids for the betterment of humanity. However, the evil Dean Okra (Scott Resnick) has far more malicious plans in store for them. Will Roger be able to stop Dean Okra and save his beloved Victoria? Should you even care
You ever caught one of those movies that tries so desperately to be funny, good, entertaining? No? Well then, give CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN a shot. I can guarantee your dying lawn will look far more attractive – and entertaining!
The biggest problem with this movie is exactly what Troma is known for: anarchic humor. The humor, rather ATTEMPTS at humor, is laid on so thick that it: a) drowns out what little plot there is; and, b) completely overshoots its target of Funny and lands a bullseye on Boring. There is simply way too much going on, a sensual overload that'll simply have you yawning.
Clearly, director Eric Louzil and the six – yes, SIX – screenwriters were going for quantity over quality here. The film also displays a "hip" sensibility in that it makes constant meta-references: it knows it's a movie, and it wants YOU to know that it knows it's a movie. The problem is that it is so smug in its meta-hippery that it elicits only groans and eye-rolls, and will make you wish some REAL humor would find its way into the movie.
Amongst the film's meta moments lies the film's ONE redeeming scene: Toxie wanders onto the film and begins beating some dudes up, only to be told by a man playing the director that he's on the wrong set. Is it funny? Nope. But it WILL remind you that you're watching CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2 as opposed to THE TOXIC AVENGER – and will hopefully inspire you to turn this dreck off and put on THE TOXIC AVENGER instead.
And I have to ask: just who in the hell thought that Brick Bronsky was leading man material? Not only does he look like a rejected fifth member of A Flock of Seagulls with that stupid haircut, but he's about as interesting to watch and listen to as a washing machine. Everything he says is delivered in the same dull monotone voice. If this is their attempt at deadpan humor, it is simply dead in the pan. Frankly, he makes Jean-Claude van Damme look like a Shakespearian actor in comparison. Van Damme is also more interesting to watch and listen to. Oh, and as an added bonus, Bronsky narrates the entire movie. Thrilling.
Overall, CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2: SUMHUMANOID MELTDOWN needs to be nuked right off your To Watch list. After all, why would you wanna waste a perfectly good Friday night on one of Troma's mediocre efforts? In closing, I will alter the quote from The New York Times on the cover: "As riotously boring as it is truly humorless."
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 2: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN is available on Blu-ray and DVD. Features include audio commentary, Lisa Gaye interview, trailers for RETURN TO NUKE 'EM HIGH: VOL. 1 and 2, and "Tromarrific exclusive content!" – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about THE LAST BOY SCOUT for VHS Wednesday.
September is almost here and that means many things to your humble editor, including the start of the US Open (my favorite tennis tournament of the year) and the kickoff of the NFL season (though both my teams figure to suck). But – and anybody with kids can relate – it also means back to school. And though I love the carefree summer months, afternoons hanging at the pool, sleeping late, day trips, etc., the return to the classroom means some quiet time for Dad and the chance to tackle work – both paying and non-paying varieties – with more regularity. In other words, ER 53 is right back on track and we'll be updating the blog with a couple regular installments on a weekly basis thanks to contributors like Evan Romero, who continues to wade through the latest stack of Tromatic review discs. This time, though, it looks like Lloyd Kaufman and Co. have actually found a way to soothe the sometimes savage reviewer...
Toxie is back and ready to rock 'n' roll in his third outing, THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE. This installment gets a bad rap and is often ranked as the nadir of the series. In all honesty though, it's actually pretty enjoyable.
Toxie has successfully rid Tromaville of all evil and crime. But what is he supposed to do now? Relegated to making sure that old ladies don't cheat at cards or that children eat their veggies, Toxie begins feeling like a failure and starts looking about for a new job. Fortunately for Toxie, it just so happens that Apocalypse, Inc. want Toxie for their new spokesperson to help lead Tromaville towards a brighter future. But is this future really all that bright for the residents of Tromaville? Or do Apocalypse, Inc. have a far more diabolical future in store for Tromaville?
Okay, first off, the DVD/Blu-ray combo pack includes the Theatrical Cut on Blu-Ray and the Director's Cut on DVD. This review will refer to the Theatrical Version. The runtime difference between the two is 19 seconds.
Anyways, THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III was shot at the exact same time as PART II - because it's made up of leftover footage from the second installment. Talk about savin' a few bucks. So yes, this does give the movie a cobbled-together feel. But if the movies of Michael Bay can find appreciation (and get a Criterion release), then damn it, Toxie's third flick can be enjoyed for what it is. I mean, it has all the goofy comedy and over-the-top antics that the others have. Plus, Toxie fights the Devil (played by Rick Collins, sort of a poor man's version of Tim Curry)! Seriously, what's not to like?
Okay granted, this installment isn't that gory, especially when compared to the previous two. Sure, it has a dude getting disemboweled, a dude's arm ripped off by a VCR, and a few other minor moments of crimson spillage, but who gives a shit? Gore or no gore, a flick had better deliver on the entertainment, which this flick does.
And just admit it; you've always wanted to see how Toxie would be as a yuppie. Yup, we get a yuppie Toxie. Hm, I smell a new Troma series brewing: THE YUPPIE AVENGER. Okay, maybe that won't be such a great idea...
Oh, and for those with a keen eye, there's a reference to the movie that the fourth installment ALSO makes reference to. Coincidence? Possibly. And what is the reference? I'm not tellin'.
While THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III doesn't come close to the greatness of the first installment or CITIZEN TOXIE, it's still a flick unworthy of the smashing it often gets. And while we're on the subject, lay off the second installment as well. They're both good flicks that provide plenty of entertainment.
THE TOXIC AVENGER PART III: THE LAST TEMPTATION OF TOXIE is available in a Blu-ray/DVD combo pack. Special features include two audio commentaries, interviews, trailers, some Tromatic videos and more. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV for Troma Tuesday.
If it's Tuesday it must be time for your semi-regular dose of Troma. Evan Romero is back with a look at yet another installment of the studio's trademark franchise, The Toxic Avenger.
You know what I like? CITIZEN KANE.
You know what I like more? CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV, the movie CITIZEN KANE wishes it could be.
After dismissing the previous two installments as "rotten" – fuck you, I like those installments! – and billing itself as the REAL sequel, CITIZEN TOXIE opens on Take A Mexican to Lunch Day at the Tromaville School for the Very Special. All is peace and tacos – until members of the Diaper Mafia burst in and begin shooting up the school. Of course, Toxie arrives with his sidekick, Lardass (Joe Fleishaker), to save the day. A bomb set by the Diaper Mafia explodes and creates a dimensional tear. Toxie passes through this tear into Amortville – while his evil doppleganger, Noxie, passes through to Tromaville. Now, Toxie must get home and stop Noxie from wreaking havoc upon the good citizens of Tromaville – as well as witness the birth of his child. Will Toxie succeed and live to be an awesome dad? Or will he be trapped in Amortville forever while Noxie lays waste to Tromaville and its citizens?
Right off the bat Troma shows they're not here to fuck around: the massacre of special needs children and Toxie's destruction of the Diaper Mafia features enough violence and gore to satisfy even the most diehard Tomaniacs. Disembowelments, head shots, crushed heads, and even a dude getting his head shoved OUT his own ass are just some examples of Troma going right for the jugular. And it doesn't stop there: the entire movie is peppered with carnage of this sort.
Troma's usual offensive humor is here as well – which is perfectly fine for the un-P.C. amongst us (myself included). The special needs children are referred to as "tards," Lardass is an obese dude who uses food as a weapon, the police chief is depicted as a Nazi (complete with Hitler 'tache), and you even get a BLACK Nazi. Yes, Troma clearly wanted to offend everyone they could. Troma's standard social commentary is here as parodies of the media and politicians abound, though it's not laid on too thick. The humor is, as usual for Troma, hit-or-miss – but the misses don't detract from the film's entertainment value, unlike some of Troma's other releases.
And hell, even if you think the movie sucks at least you get to play Who's Who as the film is chock full of Troma alumni and other famous people. We get Eli Roth, Ron Jeremy, Al Goldstein, Hugh Hefner, Stan Lee (the narrator), James Gunn, Tiffany Shepis, Corey Feldmen and – best of all – Lemmy!
Oh, and you get Sgt. Kabukiman (not played by Rick Gianasi, unfortunately), now a drunken pervert who's extremely fun to watch. And, for the curious ones, yes, his pubic hair IS shaped just like his real hair. You'll have to watch the movie to find out how I know this – ya know, assuming you just gotta know.
And we can't forget an appearance by the Troma Dick Monster. A Troma flick just isn't complete without that vicious member popping up.
All in all, CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV is a welcome addition to the series and cinema in general, and will definitely please those put off by the previous installments – though they are still awesome, regardless of what anyone says – or just folks lookin' for something to watch on a lonely Friday night.
CITIZEN TOXIE: THE TOXIC AVENGER IV is available in a DVD/Blu-ray combo pack. Special features include three audio commentaries, the documentary APOCALYPSE SOON: THE MAKING OF CITIZEN TOXIE, a tribute to Lemmy, and more. – Evan Romero Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about GODZILLA 1985 for VHS Wednesday.
We're back with another installment of Troma Tuesday here at the ER blog! And lest anybody think that Evan Romero has a thing about murdering Troma flicks with his reviews, here's his take on – gasp! – a PG-13 Troma flick that works? Yeah, I don't believe it either but since the flick in question is currently free with my Amazon Prime membership I might just take a look.
A PG-13 Troma flick. Let that sink in for a minute. Yes, I'm certain your mind is filled with visions of the apocalypse, of civilizations falling, of the sun going supernova and eviscerating our galaxy. Well, calm your tits 'cause it's nowhere near as bad as it sounds. Come now, let us go fight some crime (and shitty movies) with SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D.
Detective Harry Griswold (Rick Gianiasi) is investigating the murder of two kabuki performers by a goon employed by Reginald Stuart (Bill Weedon). While watching the show the murdered performers were supposed to star in, a shoot-out occurs – during which Griswold is selected to become Kabukiman, the man who will harness the spirit of kabuki and defend the world against evil. Griswold must now learn to harness his new powers while bringing Stuart and his goons to justice - as well as preparing for a battle with The Evil One, who is set to return to Earth! Will justice prevail? Or will evil reign throughout the land?
Okay, so you're probably wondering just how funny a PG-13 Troma flick can be. The answer: pretty damn funny. Unlike some Troma movies where the comedy – comedy that's usually anarchic and not funny – overshadows the plot, SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D. achieves a perfect balance: the slapstick/goofy humor is here, but not at the expense of plot / story. You can actually get invested in it.
About the only thing the PG-13 rating affects is the level of gore. Sure, it's here, but it is toned down drastically in comparison to Troma's usual unhinged and over-the-top fare. But the fact that a Troma film can be enjoyed without the characteristic gore is a testament to how much attention the filmmakers put into other aspects of the production. And it pays off.
What helps the production achieve the level it does is in large part due the performances of the actors and actresses. Sure, we're not gonna get award-winning material here, but the characters are interesting and fleshed out enough and the performers invest their roles with energy and charm. Much of the comedy would have fallen flat were it not for them. The standout performances come from Rick Gianiasi and Nobel Lee Lester, who plays "Capt. Bender." Those two have great chemistry and generate many laughs when they appear on screen together. The scene when Bender confronts Griswold, who is dressed in full clown regalia, about his behavior is pure comedic gold.
Oh, and for those fans wondering where the footage of Troma's famous "car crash" came from, SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D. is the answer.
Overall, SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D. ranks as one of Troma's best productions. It's too bad the Kabukiman character couldn't have gotten his own series like Toxie because seeing his further adventures would have been a treat. Regardless, we'll always have this one movie to throw in anytime we wanna see a man in kabuki dress fighting crime with heat-seeking chopsticks, fatal sushi, and pyro parasols. Go watch it now before The Evil One returns...
SGT. KABUKIMAN N.Y.P.D. is available on Blu-ray and DVD. Features include an interview with Rick Gianiasi, a full episode of KABUKIMAN'S COCKTAIL CORNER, audio commentary and much more. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally-questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about THE BIBLE BELT SLASHER PT. II: THE HOLY TERROR for Slasher Friday.
Welcome to the first installment of Troma Tuesday, a new blog feature chronicling some of the highs and lows of the 40+ year old independent studio and their long list of productions and releases. First up, contributor Evan Romero takes a look at Troma's ambitious "epic" TROMA'S WAR.
TROMA'S WAR is Troma's most expensive movie to date with a budget of three million bucks. It's also the one that put the company in dire financial straits as the heavily-cut release (trimmed from 104 minutes to 87 to meet MPAA demands) was poorly received and wound up a box-office flop. But now, thanks to Blu-ray and DVD, the director's cut can be viewed by everyone.
But can it be enjoyed?
A plane crashes on an island, stranding the survivors. With no way of getting back to the mainland, the group, led by Taylor (Sean Bowen), must figure out how they're going to survive. But they have bigger problems: a group of terrorists have taken up residence on the island with diabolical plans to take over America be it via drugs or an AIDS epidemic started by "Señor Sida" (Paolo Frassanito)! With freedom at stake, the group must gear up and go kick some terrorist ass. Will they succeed in stopping the terrorist's plans? Or will freedom as we know it be a thing of the past?
When Troma shoots they either score big, or miss by a mile. In the case of TROMA'S WAR, the Troma team empty an AK-47 at point-blank range and fail to hit a single bullseye. An action flick made by Troma!? How can that fail to entertain?
Simple – by lacking all the ingredients that make a Troma movie, a Troma movie.
Over the top sex and violence? You won't find it here. Most of the violence comes from gunshot wounds that aren't much more violent than your average action flick. One would expect to find people LITERALLY machine gunned in half, people LITERALLY blown apart by shotguns, body parts galore flying about as terrorists meet death via rockets and grenades, and so on. Sure, it DOES have moments when a bit more of the red stuff is shown, such as when Siamese twins joined at the head are separated via machete, but the makeup effects are so laughably bad that it hardly matters. A makeup low-light comes when what appears to be cherry pie filling is used to simulate, I'm guessing, brain matter – and it is oh-so-obvious. A notch above that is a scene in which a guy commits seppuku: the guy's guts don't even spill out. Come on Troma, you're better than this.
How about humor? There are plenty of OPPORTUNITIES for it, but those opportunities are passed by in exchange for more shoot-outs. You can tell they were trying to be funny, but the comedy is just plain desperate. The highlight of the humor is a scene when a terrorist hiding amongst the trees farts, thus giving away his position and is promptly blown away. Come on now: my kid brother can think of better jokes than that.
But surely Troma wouldn't let us down in tastelessness! Unfortunately, tastelessness seems to have found some dignity: aside from the minor AIDS subplot, there's very little in TROMA'S WAR to anger the PC elite – I mean, unless a gag about a blind girl missing her targets counts. But when a baby makes it through a Troma movie COMPLETELY UNSCATHED, that Troma movie has failed.
Let's move on to the most important thing: entertainment. Is TROMA'S WAR, despite the lack of essential Tromatic ingredients, entertaining? Sadly, no. Everything is just dull and brings nothing new to the table, not to mention that shootouts are overlong and unexciting. I found myself yawning, checking the remaining runtime and being distracted by my front lawn all too often. The only reason I kept watching – aside from having to write this review – is because I wanted to see if one particular character, Marshall (Steve Crossley), the only character I found interesting, would make it through to the end. I won't tell you whether he did or not.
TROMA'S WAR is an utterly Troma-tose production. Lacking all the essential ingredients, WAR is comparable to O'Douls: only for those who can't handle, or don't want, the real stuff.
The Blu-ray release features audio commentary, an introduction by Lloyd Kaufman, an interview with Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Hertz, and more. – Evan Romero Evan Romero spends much of his time reading morally-questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com.
I hope everybody is enjoying the long Prez Day weekend. I'm trapped in the office working on a freelance project while a wintry mix peppers ER HQ (again) so Evan Romero has kindly chipped in and taken the promising looking EXTREME JUKEBOX off the teetering review stack. Take it away, Evan...
An Italian horror flick!? There was no lumberyard that could compete with the amount of wood I was sporting. But wait – released by Troma!? Ho ho! NOW we're talkin'! Firing EXTREME JUKEBOX up, I anticipated my TV screen to be running with glorious scarlet and Tromatic hilarity of overdose proportions.
So imagine my and my woody's disappointment when EXTREME JUKEBOX turned out to be a pretty mediocre flick, flatter than the disc it comes on.
Jessie Cake (Alessio Cherubini), lead singer of metal band Grave Tomba, idolizes singer David Crystal (Maurizio Lastrico) who vanished twenty years ago. Breaking into Crystal's house in Nova Springs, Jessie finds an unreleased single of Crystal's called "Emily Palmer Was Alive." Playing it awakens a masked killer who – you guessed it – begins offing people left and right. There's another killer, dubbed "Naughty Rocky Boy" by the police, who's slaughtering people as well. And there's also a third one that pops up once. Now, it's up to Jessie and his friends to stop the killers... even though none of them seem particularly alarmed about the killers killing people...
First off, I have to take issue with Lloyd Kaufman's introduction to this movie where he claims that EXTREME JUKEBOX is the most demented Italian film since DEEP RED. Um, no. There are FAR more demented Italian films than DEEP RED, and far more demented Italian films than EXTREME JUKEBOX. Come on, CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST anyone?
Okay, moving on to the movie itself. EXTREME JUKEBOX is a bit hard to follow and feels like a rough cut. It doesn't seem to have any goal in mind, instead preferring to just be a collection of scenes loosely tied together to form a semblance of a plot. Many times I found myself wondering what exactly was going on. And it's not helped by the fact that several scenes in the movie serve no purpose. What was the purpose of the two guys browsing in a record store shown at various points throughout the movie? What about the discussion between Don Kappa (Pino Scotto) and Terrance Holler (himself) talking about rock 'n' roll? These scenes don't serve the "plot" in any way (at least no way I could discern), so it's safe to conclude they're just here to pad the runtime.
"But are the kills any good?" I hear you asking. Aside from one they're all pretty lackluster and a few even happen off-screen. So those looking for kills in the Grand Italian Tradition will be sorely disappointed. Your average American slasher contains more on-screen deaths (and more violent ones at that) than EXTREME JUKEBOX.
And for a horror film with heavy metal and rock 'n' roll pumping through its veins, the soundtrack is pretty weak. The heavy metal heard throughout is more like aluminum and we don't even get the benefit of a thumpin' and rockin' Italian synth score. So yeah, nothin' here will find its way onto your iPod or MP3 player.
But the biggest problem with EXTREME JUKEBOX is that it completely lacks energy and vitality. But that kind of seems to be the case with fanboy films: all passion but no clue how to channel it properly. And, though it's billed as a "comedy/horror," it isn't the slightest bit funny.
And I take SERIOUS issue with the fact that heavy metal babes are plentiful yet there is not ONE bare breast, ass, or beaver in sight. UNACCEPTABLE!
Overall, EXTREME JUKEBOX is more like MILD JUKEBOX. No comedy, minimal gore, aluminum instead of heavy metal, no bangin' Italian soundtrack and the energy level of a rock earns EXTREME JUKEBOX a place in the Dust Collector pile.
EXTREME JUKEBOX is presented in Italian with English subtitles and the Blu-ray extras include a trailer, a Making Of featurette (which is as dull as the movie), information on the Rainbow Project (a charity started by Pino Scutto and his fiancée), some "Tromatic Extras," and a photo gallery. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero spends much of his time reading morally-questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com, or at PopHorror.com. EXTREME JUKEBOX is available at Amazon.
Few films of the VHS era ever spoke to me quite like Joel Reed's hysterical BLOODSUCKING FREAKS (aka THE INCREDIBLE TORTURE SHOW).
Thanks to its softcore antics, seedy veneer, absurd plot, outrageously ridiculous gore effects and over-the-top acting from everybody involved it never fails to entertain.
And now it's coming to home video in all its sleazy, re-mastered glory!
June 3rd is officially Ralphus Day as Troma releases (unleashes?) a Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack featuring:
High-Def Transfer from the Original Materials
Widescreen 1.85:1 Presentation and Dolby 2.0 Stereo
New Bonus Features including interviews with Eli Roth and wrestling star Chris Jericho (?!)
A Never Before Seen Deleted Sequence
And, a Original Title Sequence for Sardu, Master of the Screaming Virgins
July brings a 30th anniversary Blu-Ray Edition of THE TOXIC AVENGER but as great as that flick is (and it definitely put Troma on the map) it can't hold a candle to BSF for me.
