ICED (1988) starring Lisa Loring and Joesph Alan Johnson

"You invited a dead man!" 

Had BETTER OFF DEAD gone in a wildly different direction you might have ended up with ICED, a borderline inept late-80s ski-themed slasher currently streaming on Shudder. 

A few years after the death of their friend, Jeff, a group of old pals reunite at a new ski resort in order to hit the slopes, have some laughs, and maybe do a few lines of blow. What they don't know is that someone—or something—has brought them there to exact revenge for Jeff's demise.

Written by co-star Joseph Alan Johnson (who plays Alex, the handsome ski resort mogul), ICED can't decide what it wants to be. Is it a gory slasher? Is it sleazy horror? Unfortunately, it never goes all in on either, despite multiple scenes featuring original Wednesday Addams (Lisa Loring) in her birthday suit, and deaths by ski pole, icicle, bear trap, and hot tub electrocution. Cara mia!

There's a sleaze classic lurking here. Too bad it never goes far enough. Be sure to stay tuned for the loony ending! — Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and The Hungover Gourmet. He is expecting up to 15" of snow this weekend but no ski goggle-clad killers. He hopes.

Kill ‘Em All 2 (2024) starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Peter Stromare

After ending 2024 with BEYOND THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, I wanted to start the new year with something a little more challenging. Something that would stimulate my inner cinephile. 

Oh, who am I kidding? As soon as the Rose Bowl got out of reach, I trawled through the streaming junkpile until I settled on 2024’s Jean-Claude Van Damme revenge actioner KILL ‘EM ALL 2.

I was slightly worried that having either not seen or totally forgotten 2017’s KILL ‘EM ALL (regarded as one of JCVD’s worst direct-to-video efforts) I’d be lost by the plot intricacies (hah!), but that wasn’t the case.

Van Damme returns as Phillip, a retired spy who has settled down in a small Italian village after the events of the first film. Living a life off the grid with his daughter Vanessa (Jacqueline Fernandez), all is well until Vlad (the younger brother of the villain from KILL ‘EM ALL) locates him and pulls out all the stops to exact revenge. Our hero must save himself and his daughter from a bevy of evil Eastern European stereotypes while also protecting the village that he loves.

From there it’s all double crosses, shootouts, and fast-edit-fistfights as we head to the inevitable showdown. Unfortunately, JCVD is edging into The Seagal Zone, in which there’s lots of half-hearted stunt doubling and the occasional vocal impersonation because the star was probably off shooting something else and couldn’t be brought back for dubbing. Still, its miles ahead of most of the dreck Seagal has been cranking out for the last couple decades.

In its defense, KEA2 zips through its 85-minute running time and it’ll be over before you go “why am I watching this…”. Bonus points for bringing back the always-reliable Peter Stromare (as Agent Holman) and look for JCVD’s son Nicholas (billed as Nic Van Damme) in a small role. – Dan Taylor

VENDETTA (1986) directed by Bruce Logan

“I’m not some cryogenic fuck that warms up every time you come jammin’ around!” 

Wacky car crash movie meets women-in-prison revenge flick in Concorde’s mind-boggling VENDETTA (1986), the feature film directorial debut of longtime cinematographer and visual effects artist Bruce Logan (STAR WARS, TRON, BIG BAD MAMA and helmer of Madonna’s “Borderline” video).

Laurie (Karen Chase) is a big-haired stuntwoman working on an action flick in a small southern town. (The flick opens with a cool fire walk stunt to show off its bona fides). While the locals think the film crew is getting a bit too big for its britches, tensions spill over when Laurie’s younger sister kills a local who gets a little handsy. Prison isn’t kind to the new fish and when she runs afoul of head con Kay (character actress Sandy Martin) she gets the Russian Dissident Treatment and “falls” off a roof.

Like any good sibling, Laurie is hell bent on revenge and gets herself thrown into the same jail thanks to Judge Waters (Will Hare, the creepy Grandpa from SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT). It’s not long before she’s picking off members of Kay’s gang while she works her way up to a final confrontation with her sister’s killer.

VENDETTA’s revenge storyline is fairly pedestrian and Chase isn’t very convincing as an action star. But Logan surrounds her with a cartoonish women’s prison that feels more like a strip club, dirty dancing, bared boobs, shower scenes, creepy guards, Corman regular Roberta Collins in her big screen swan song and – wait for it – a Prince impersonator.

Martin steals the show as the randy inmate-in-charge and it’s easy to see why she has a filmography as long as her character’s rap sheet. VENDETTA doesn’t break new ground in the women in prison game but as a wild genre mash-up perfect for a beer-fueled late-night viewing it totally hits its mark. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of EXPLOITATION RETROSPECT and he wants you to know that copies of issues 52 and 53 are still available.

VENDETTA is available for streaming via Amazon Prime and on Blu-Ray (with NAKED VENGEANCE).