CALL GIRL OF CTHULU (2014)

Baltimore filmmaker Chris LaMartina's old school horror comedy CALL GIRL OF CTHULU gets both the "horror" and the "comedy" spot on in this gory riot inspired by the works of H. P. Lovecraft.

A virginal artist falls for an escort, unaware that her butt cheek birthmark is her ticket to being the bride of Cthulu. Chock full of gore, grue, boobs, blood and laughs, CALL GIRL harkens back to the days of plucking a classic like BRAIN DAMAGE, THE CONVENT, FRANKENHOOKER or one of the BASKET CASE flicks off the video store shelves.

Coming to video (hopefully later this year according to the filmmakers) but try and see it on the big screen with a raucous, trash-loving crowd. Look for a full review in Exploitation Retrospect #52.

31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: Anthology Flick Friday Visits the TOMB OF TERROR (So You Don't Have To)

If you think Full Moon flicks can be hard to follow and occasionally incoherent even at feature length, wait till you get a load of them "re-edited and re-energized from past classic films" down to anthology-sized chunks!

Eschewing any kind of wrap-around and simply plunging us right into the re-titled mini-features, TOMB starts off with 'Ascent from Hell' truncated from the 1994 feature DARK ANGEL: THE ASCENT directed by Linda Hassani and starring Angela Featherstone as Veronica, the beautiful but misunderstood demon girl who just wants to see what it's like in the world up there. It's kinda like Disney's THE LITTLE MERMAID if Ariel had wings and devil horns and instead of King Triton her dad was Nicholas Worth in bondage gear who spit-screams lines like "I'll teach you what it means to SCOFF AT THE LAW!!!" like only Nicholas Worth can. Unable to resist the call of the mortal world Veronica climbs out of a sewer into somewhere in Europe (who knew?!) and your typical "cute but demonic vigilante out of water" tale ensues. She kills some baddies, torments the town's mayor (whose major misdeeds must have been left on the editing room floor) and falls for hunky doctor Max (Daniel Markell) who doesn't think it's weird that his hot new girlfriend has no heartbeat, calls television "the magic box" and sprouts horns and claws while they're getting it on.

In the middle segment, genre vets Ashley Laurence (the HELLRAISER flicks) and Jeffrey Combs unite in the horror/heist tale 'Infinite Evil' which has been carved from the HP Lovecraft-inspired feature LURKING FEAR (1994). When parolee John Martense (Blake Adams) discovers that his father and Vincent Schiavelli stuffed a cash-filled corpse in a graveyard, he heads off to Leffert's Corners unaware that a trio of bad guys who know about the cash are hot on his trail. It all comes to a head in a graveyard church where Dr. Haggis (Combs), Cathryn (Laurence) and a handful of locals have taken refuge from the family of cannibalistic underground dwellers who emerge during rainstorms to feast, unaware that the mysterious John is more closely connected to the subterranean monsters than any of them realize.

Wrapping up our little trio of tales is 'Eternal Damnation' (which the box also calls 'Evil Never Dies'), a refreshingly gory little morsel snipped from the millennial horror tale THE TALISMAN by director David DeCoteau (under the name Victoria Sloan). Elias (Billy Parish) is the new kid at the sinister sounding Gornek International School for Boys, a dumping ground for rich American brats like Burke (Jason Adelman), a blonde thug who makes other kids do pushups in their underwear and fantasizes about making it with Elizabeth (Ilinca Goia), the daughter of the head mistress. Meanwhile, Theriel (Constantine Barbulescu), an Uncle Fester lookalike with glowing red eyes, is going around yanking out the hearts of stunned, blood-spattered students. I bet that's gonna hurt enrollment! Can Elias find out who's behind the disappearances and thwart their evil plan... before it's too late?

I'm not exactly sure who the intended audience for TOMB OF TERROR was. Even the best movie would likely suffer from having two-thirds of its running time chopped out and the "re-edited and re-energized" shorts offered here all start out okay but eventually become incoherent messes. DARK ANGEL's straightforward (ie, predictable) storyline probably survives the cuts the best while THE TALISMAN – despite the gore provided by Uncle Fester – veers closest to being unwatchable. C. Courtney Joyner's LURKING FEAR, while jumbled beyond belief at points, is definitely (okay, maybe?) the one I'll track down in its full-length form, but I'm a sucker for crucifix-fu, horror-action hybrids and anything with Combs.

Strangely enough, all three segments deal with issues of family... Victoria defies her parents in order to explore the world of the mortals while Demon Mom and Demon Dad must learn to let their little demon go; John struggles with the loser legacy of his father and must fight the monster within; and, Elias – orphaned as a youngster – longs to find out what happened to his older sister. I'm not sure anybody at Full Moon had the foresight to thematically collect these tales, but if they did would it have killed them to come up with a better title or at least some kind of goony linking device?

If anthologies are your thing this one is easily skippable and if you dig Full Moon (and I pity you if that's the case) you're probably better served seeking out the original features.

TOMB OF TERROR is available at Amazon.

Scream Factory Announces New FROM BEYOND Blu-Ray Features

Definitely looking forward to the March 26 release of the FROM BEYOND Blu-Ray from the fine folks at Scream Factory (which you can pre-order from Amazon).

Like me you probably already have the 2007 DVD release but here's a tempting lineup of new bonus features that will be included (along with all the bonus features from the original disc)...

ALL-NEW SCREAM FACTORY EXTRAS: 

• Audio Commentary with writer Denis Paoli
• MULTIPLE DIMENSIONS – A look at the film’s extensive Make-Up & Creature Effects with Special Effects Creators John Buechler, Anthony Doublin, John Naulin, and Mark Shostrom
• PAGING DR. MCMICHAELS – An interview with Actress Barbara Crampton
• A TORTURED SOUL – An interview with Actor Jeffrey Combs
• AN EMPIRE PRODUCTION – An interview with Executive Producer Charles Band

EXTRAS CARRIED OVER FROM THE MGM 2007 DVD RELEASE:

• Audio Commentary with director Stuart Gordon and the cast
• THE DIRECTOR’S PERSPECTIVE - interview with Stuart Gordon
• THE EDITING ROOM: LOST AND FOUND - Gordon Stuart and MGM restoration team interview
• Interview with composer Richard Band
• Storyboard to Film Comparisions with Introduction
• Two photo galleries

31 DAYS OF FRIGHT: Your Body is My Religion!

This review of Full Moon's disc for the long-awaited, highly-anticipated release of THE EVIL CLERGYMAN was supposed to appear last week during the Anthology-Athon. Alas, real life got in the way and it wasn't till this morning that I was able to finally get my thoughts pulled together. Oh sure, reviewing it for the anthology block is a bit of a cheat but since the segment was originally shot for PULSEPOUNDERS I feel like I can get away with it.

I used to be somewhat obsessed with all things Empire.

What can I say? When a studio releases what immediately becomes your favorite movie of all-time you become a fan. Going to the theater to see everything they put out. Immediately renting the flicks you loved or the ones that bypassed town in favor of a quickie theatrical release in NYC. It was a love affair.

The love affair with Empire flicks was frequently reignited when the big issues of Variety would hit the newsstands. Tied into industry events like Cannes or the American Film Market, the thick issues were a "must have" and I'd fritter away hours pouring through the pages trying to glean whatever details I could about upcoming flicks from all the studios, but especially Empire (and the Go-Go Boys at Cannon).

I can still remember the full-page announcement ad for PULSEPOUNDERS, Empire's "upcoming" entry in the then-popular anthology genre. It seemed like a genius idea from the mind of Charles Band: three segments, each a sequel to or logical offshoot of one of the studio's biggest hits of 1985. There would be a sequel to THE DUNGEONMASTER (itself an anthology of sorts), a continuation of the heroic adventures of future cop Jack Deth from TRANCERS, and, most importantly (for me, at least), a return to H.P. Lovecraft territory with THE EVIL CLERGYMAN, complete with RE-ANIMATOR stars Jeffrey Combs, David Gale and the lovely Barbara Crampton.

And so we waited. And waited. And waited. Every now and then a PULSEPOUNDRES still or news would trickle out but that was about it. Releases like FROM BEYOND, DOLLS and ENEMY TERRITORY kept me sated but it wasn't long before Empire's impressive average started to slide and PULSEPOUNDERS retreated into the dark recesses of my mind, emerging from the brain muck every now and then for me to ponder whatever happened to the flick.

Like most fans, I assumed that the end of Empire and Charles Band's subsequent move to Full Moon meant that PULSEPOUNDERS was lost forever, a myth to chat about on film boards and at hotel bars during conventions.

As it turns out, PULSEPOUNDERS wasn't swept away or left unfinished because Band was too busy making horrible vampire and puppet movies. As the producer/director explains in the featurette included on the long-awaited DVD release of THE EVIL CLERGYMAN, the original negative for the film was lost when one of the labs the studio used went out of business and it wasn't until 20+ years later – when a VHS work print was found – that wheels were set in motion for PULSEPOUNDERS to finally see the light of day.

Even if it is one segment at a time.

Besides Combs, Crampton and Gale, CLERGYMAN reunites us with composer Richard Band (who contributes a lush and romantically sinister new score), cinematographer Mac Ahlberg and scribe Dennis Paoli, who once again gets to indulge in the sexual side of Lovecraft with this atmospheric tale.

A young woman (Crampton) visits the castle room where she and her clergyman lover (Combs) consummated their illicit relationship – before he hanged himself. Left alone to gather her things, she soon finds herself being warned by a bishop (David Warner) that her lover was evil and simply wants to possess her soul. (And who can blame him?) It isn't long before the gropey clergyman returns, gets all handsey and is laying it on thick with lines like "your body is my religion". (Again, can you blame him?)

Relying heavily on atmosphere, THE EVIL CLERGYMAN isn't a wild, occasionally gross ride like RE-ANIMATOR or FROM BEYOND. The 30-minute segment is – David Gale's rat suit by John Carl Beuchler aside – largely effects-free and more akin to the Lovecraft adaptations of NIGHT GALLERY or MASTERS OF HORROR with a dash of the atmosphere we'd later see in Stuart Gordon's CASTLE FREAK (an underrated Combs/Crampton outing).

Combs' snarky smirk is put to good use as the love 'em and leave 'em sinister minister who has left a trail of crazed and dead chicks in his wake. And nobody does "hot and kinda crazy" like Crampton, who shifts effortlessly from demure to sexy in no time.

Kudos to Full Moon for rescuing PULSEPOUNDERS from the trash heap and releasing it to the fans. Naturally, given the source material, the image quality isn't great but this is a rare opportunity to see a flick that was long thought to be lost forever.

The disc is currently a Full Moon exclusive and includes a featurette from the CLERGYMAN premiere earlier this year as well as 60-seconds of work print footage from TRANCERS 1.5 starring Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt and Art LeFleur in a tale scripted by Danny Bilson and Paul DeMeo. Full Moon anticipates that disc being ready for October 2013.

THE EVIL CLERGYMAN is available exclusively from Full Moon Direct.

Worst. News. Ever.

Between the month-long post-a-thon that took place here in October and the 25 Hour Exhumed Marathon over Halloween weekend I haven't had much energy to post of late.

But I couldn't let this piece of news from Bloody Disgusting go unreported:

We learned exclusively that Transition Entertainment is shooting a pilot presentation next April that will bring RE-ANIMATOR's Herbert West back as "a teenage Dr. Frankenstein for the new millennium". Entitled HERBERT WEST: RE-ANIMATOR THE SERIES, the pilot episode was written by Meredith Red and William Butler, with a director yet to be named.

Speaking as somebody whose favorite film of all-time – not just horror movie but movie, period – is RE-ANIMATOR, this is the kind of news that makes me die a little inside. I'll take consolation in the fact that tons of pilots get shot and never make it past the initial stages and another similarly horrible idea – the CW's ill-advised THE GRAYSONS about a pre-Robin Dick Grayson and clan – got canned shortly after it was spawned.

But one never knows. Hell, CBS had a serial zombie drama in the works a few years back but I think the failure of JERICHO soured the network on serial dramas.

Have Yourself a Cthulu Little Christmas

When I was a kid I got my first exposure to the work of HP Lovecraft thanks to Rod Serling's awesome 'Night Gallery.' Years later I'd read a bunch of Lovecraft's work and even find myself falling in love with a film based on one of his tales of madness and the macabre.

But at no point during that time did I think I'd be able to decorate my Christmas tree with Cthulu-based ornaments. May he who shall not be named bless you internet!

New RE-ANIMATOR Two Disc Special Edition

I wanted to get more details before I gushed about Anchor Bay's upcoming special edition of Stuart Gordon's RE-ANIMATOR (slated for release on March 20, 2007), or as we call it around ER HQ "The Greatest Movie Ever Made."

Though there have been other special editions on both laserdisc and DVD, this new two-disc special edition looks to be the one RE-ANIMATOR to have in your collection.

According to Fangoria.com, the set will feature a new remastered, 16x9-enhanced 1.85:1 transfer with Dolby Digital and DTS 5.1 soundtracks, plus:

• Audio commentary by director Stuart Gordon
• Audio commentary by producer Brian Yuzna and actors Bruce Abbott, Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton and Robert Sampson
• All-new 70-minute documentary Re-Animator Resurrectus, featuring interviews with Gordon, Yuzna, writer Dennis Paoli, actors Combs, Crampton, Sampson and Carolyn Purdy-Gordon, composer Richard Band and Fango’s Tony Timpone
• Music discussion with Band
• Deleted and extended scenes
• Theatrical trailer
• TV spots
• New production stills from Yuzna’s private collection
• New behind-the-scenes, posters & advertising, storyboard and fun-on-the-set galleries
• Stuart Gordon bio
• Screenplay (DVD-ROM)
• H.P. Lovecraft’s short story “Herbert West, Reanimator” (DVD-ROM)

I wish they'd found a way to include the long out of print soundtrack as well, but I suppose you can't have everything. Oh well, at least I still have my vinyl copy. But you can have this incredible two-disc package of The Greatest Movie Ever Made for less than $20. In fact, you can pre-order your copy from Amazon today and support ER at the same time.