Asian Connection (2016) starring Steven Seagal, Pim Bubear, John Edward Lee, and Sahajak Boonthanakit

ASIAN CONNECTION opens with a somber, sleepy voiceover from Avalon (Pim Bubear) as she wistfully recalls her first encounter with Jack (John Edward Lee who looks like the genetic car crash of Josh Duhamel, Steve Zahn and Walton Goggins), an American ex-pat living in Thailand who sports Asian tattoos, rides motorcycles, and robs banks with his trigger-happy Brit buddy, Sam (Byron Gibson).

Unfortunately, Jack and Sam make the mistake of hitting a small Cambodian bank packed to the gills with marked bills from the cache of crime lord Gan Sirankiri (Seagal) and his brother. From there it doesn’t take long for Sirankiri’s henchman Niran (Sahajak Boonthanakit) to track Jack down and make him an offer he literally can’t refuse—rob the banks I tell you to rob and cut me in for half or I spill the beans and do unspeakable things to your girl.

From there the D-grade blend of POINT BREAK and TRUE ROMANCE (with partial story credit to the late Tom Sizemore, who appeared in both of those better flicks) lurches from plot point to plot point as Sam does boneheaded things and Niran plots his ascent while Jack and Avalon find themselves caught between the cops and Seagal’s gang.

While not a waste of time like some post-prime Seagal outings (I’m looking at you AGAINST THE DARK), ASIAN CONNECTION suffers from material that feels a bit too familiar as well as flat acting from both Bubear and Lee. The script, credited to D. Glase Lomond, never establishes the deep connection Jack and Avalon are supposed to have, and saddling Bubear with lines like “Do me on this pile of cash…” only makes matters worse.

Kudos to the casting director and director Daniel Zirilli, though, for juicing the flick with guys like Gibson and Boonthanakit (HARD TARGET 2), both of whom bring an energy to their performances that keeps the leads from sinking the whole endeavor. Also watch for action icon Michael Jai White in a brief role as arms dealer “Greedy Greg” and then sit back and wonder, like I did, how he isn’t a big star. Better yet, track down White’s NEVER BACK DOWN: NO SURRENDER (2016) or FALCOLN RISING (2014).

Fellow Seagal completists will be happy to hear that our hero is used sparingly and never embarrasses himself. Oh sure, you’ll snicker at his blousy outfits, avert your eyes during a slow-motion martial arts foreplay session and audibly gasp when he gets really mad and flips over a food-filled table (I swear I saw a tear trickle down his cheek). But I’d like to see him play against type more often since he’s reached the point where his ever-increasing bulk, shoe-polish goatee and menacing wheeze make him far more suited to a villain than a vengeance-seeking hero. – Dan Taylor 

This review previously appeared in Exploitation Retrospect #53, still available from Amazon.

Exploitation Retrospect Returns with 130 Page 30th Anniversary Issue!

The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media returns with a super-sized 30th anniversary issue clocking in at 130 pages! 

This time out the ER Crew looks at the world of horror anthology films with a special review section featuring SLAUGHTER TALES (2012), TORTURE GARDEN (1967), THE UNCANNY (1977), TOMB OF TERROR (2004), HOLIDAYS (2016), GRIM PRAIRIE TALES (1990), ASYLUM (1972), THE BURNING MOON (1992), CRADLE OF FEAR (2007), SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT (1979) and many more. Plus, we look inside the world of 21st century anthology flicks with filmmaker Scarlet Fry.

We remember THE DESTROYER co-creator Warren Murphy with an interview by The Paperback Fanatic and examine the legacy of Don Pendleton's Mack Bolan (THE EXECUTIONER) and other men's action heroes via reviews, articles and an interview with author Mike Newton.

Obscure horror gets its due thanks to an interview with Gary Wallace (star of video store oddity THE JAR) while Evan Romero waxes nostalgic about Joe D'Amato's PORNO HOLOCAUST and breaks down the films of Jorg Buttgereit.

Longing for the sights, sounds and smells of old movie theaters? Take a trip through Kris Gilpin's theatrical scrapbook while Chris Poggiali examines the history of hot pants cinema.

And what would an issue of Exploitation Retrospect be without a bulging review section? Join Douglas Waltz, Mitch Lovell, John Grace, Devin Kelly, David Zuzelo, Jim Ivers, Evan Romero, Eric Miller, Neil Vokes, Robert Segedy, Mike Hauss and Dan Taylor as they dive deep into a video vortex of horror, action, exploitation and sleaze.

The new issue is currently available from CreateSpace as well as Amazon.

If you prefer to order direct from the publisher, please visit the ER website.

Seagal! Van Dam! Olen Ray! It's the SNIPER: SPECIAL OPS Trailer!

In the late 80s and early 90s there were few things I loved as much as Steven Seagal movies and Fred Olen Ray movies. Today, those worlds officially collided in a collaboration that has me almost as excited as BATMAN V SUPERMAN or the Flash appearing on Supergirl.

I give you the trailer for SNIPER: SPECIAL OPS starring Steven Seagal, a boatload of black hair dye, Rob Van Dam and a lot of explosives.

Complete (I Think) 2012 Viewing List and Faves

Despite inexplicably not having a few months worth of viewing lists, I think this is a pretty complete snapshot of what I watched in 2012. As always, I don't see enough new stuff in theaters (or even on video) to put together a "Best Of" list for that calendar year so I'll just stick with a list of Ten Favorite New Views as well as some Honorable Mentions (also new views). Big shout-outs, though, to getting to see both HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH and Stuart Gordon's FROM BEYOND on the big screen this year. Those flicks have long topped my theatrical bucket list (along with NIGHT OF THE CREEPS), so even though I'd seen them a ton of times on video it was great to see 35mm prints of both the way they were meant to be seen.

Top 10 Favorite New Views

BLOOD & BONE

THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: PART 1

DRIVE

THE EXPENDABLES 2

FDR: AMERICAN BADASS

GOON

THE MAN FROM HONG KONG

THE RAID: REDEMPTION

[REC]3

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Honorable Mentions

CAT RUN

COLD WAR ON ICE

THE COLLECTOR

THE EVIL CLERGYMAN

JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK

MAXIMUM CONVICTION

MURDER OBSESSION

NINJA

PIRANHA 3DD

SLAUGHTER HIGH

New Viewings

1. THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
2. AGAINST THE DARK
3. THE AGGRESSION SCALE
4. AIRBORNE
5. ALIEN OPPONENT
6. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN
7. ARACHNOQUAKE
8. THE AVENGERS
9. BARE KNUCKLES
10. BARREL FULL OF DOLLARS
11. THE BARRENS
12. BASKET CASE 3: THE PROGENY
13. BIG ALLIGATOR RIVER
14. BLOOD & BONE
15. BODY PUZZLE
16. BRAIN DEAD (2011)
17. BRAVE
18. THE BURNING MOON
19. THE CABIN IN THE WOODS
20. CASABLANCA EXPRESS
21. CAT RUN
22. CELLULOID BLOODBATH
23. COLD WAR ON ICE
24. THE COLLECTOR
25. COMIN' AT YA! 3-D
26. CROSS MISSION
27. THE CUTTER
28. DARK HOUSE
29. THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: PART 1
30. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
31. DEAD SEASON
32. DEADLIER THAN THE MALE
33. DEATH WEEKEND
34. DON'T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS
35. DRACULA: SOVEREIGN OF THE DAMNED
36. DRAGON EYES
37. DRIVE
38. ELF-MAN
39. THE EVIL CLERGYMAN
40. EXPENDABLES 2
41. FDR: AMERICAN BADASS
42. FEAR IS THE KEY
43. FINAL DESTINATION 5
44. FRANKENFISH
45. FRIGHTMARE (1974)
46. GOON
47. HALLOWEEN 2 (ROB ZOMBIE)
48. HOSTEL II
49. HOSTEL III
50. HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA
51. HUMONGOUS
52. I AM BRUCE LEE
53. IF YOU MEET SARTANA, PRAY FOR YOUR DEATH
54. JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK
55. JUSTICE LEAGUE: DOOM
56. KILL SQUAD
57. LARGO WINCH: HEIR APPARENT
58. LET THE BULLETS FLY
59. LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE MONSTERS
60. THE LORAX
61. THE LOST BLADESMAN
62. MADAGASCAR 3
63. MADHOUSE
64. THE MAN FROM HONG KONG
65. MANBORG
66. MAXIMUM CONVICTION
67. MITCHELL
68. MONEYBALL
69. MOUNTAIN OF THE CANNIBAL GOD
70. MURDER OBSESSION
71. MYSTERY TEAM
72. NEW YEAR'S EVIL
73. THE NIGHT EVELYN CAME OUT OF THE GRAVE
74. NINJA 
75. THE NO MERCY MAN
76. OUR IDIOT BROTHER
77. OUT OF REACH
78. PIGHUNT
79. PIRANHA 3DD
80. PIRANHACONDA
81. THE RAID: REDEMPTION
82. RAMPART
83. RANGO
84. THE RAVEN
85. [REC]
86. [REC]2
87. [REC]3
88. RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION
89. RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES
90. SANTO IN THE TREASURE OF DRACULA
91. SCOOBY-DOO AND THE LEGEND OF THE PHANTOSAUR
92. SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS
93. SCREAMERS
94. SENNA
95. SHANGHAI KNIGHTS
96. SHARK NIGHT
97. SHERLOCK HOLMES 2: GAME OF SHADOWS
98. SILENT NIGHT
99. SLAUGHTER HIGH
100. SNOW SHARK
101. SON OF BLOB
102. STEEL & LACE
103. THEATRE BIZARRE
104. TITANIC II
105. TODAY YOU DIE
106. TORSO
107. TRANSIT 
108. TWILIGHT
109. THE UNITED
110. UNKNOWN
111. US SEALS 2
112. VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY
113. A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR CHRISTMAS
114. WIPEOUT!
115. WOLVESBAYNE
116. WU XIA
117. YOUNG ADULT

Rewatches

1. ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK
2. CHUD
3. DR BUTCHER, MD
4. DRILLER KILLER
5. THE ENFORCER
6. THE EXTERMINATOR
7. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3-D
8. FROM BEYOND
9. THE GATE
10. HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH
11. HANDS OF STEEL
12. THE HIDDEN
13. HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP
14. ILSA, SHE WOLF OF THE SS
15. THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN
16. KINSKI/PAGANINI
17. LIFEFORCE
18. NIGHT OF 1000 CATS
19. NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
20. PRAY FOR DEATH
21. PSYCHO KICKBOXER
22. Q
23. ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL
24. SHANGHAI NOON
25. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT
26. STAR WARS
27. SUSPIRIA
28. TRANCERS
29. VICE SQUAD
30. XTRO

REVIEW: TODAY YOU DIE (2005)

"He walks like a black man, but he breathes like a killer."

Perhaps, in a former life, I was part of the great California gold rush. Sifting through mud and muck, hoping to find a gleaming nugget that would brighten my day. At least that's what I tell myself as I scroll through 300+ flicks in my Netflix Instant View queue only to begin panning for gold with yet another direct-to-video slice from the Seagalography pie.

This time Seagal isn't playing his usual Black Ops, Navy SEAL, Army Ranger or Interpol agent. Instead, he's traded in his "beefy dude with shadowy past" role for something a little darker (and just as hard to believe thanks to the obvious stunt doubling): a high-tech burglar who robs from rich drug kingpins in order to help out those less fortunate. Though, as one shotgun-toting thug informs us early on, Harlan Banks (Seagal) isn't above keeping a little for hisself.

Word.

After a heist leaves a penthouse-ful of dead bodies in his wake, Harlan packs up his girlfriend Jada (Mari Morrow) and heads out to make a new life for himself on the straight and narrow. In Vegas.

Surprisingly, his first day on the job as an armored car driver for the mysterious Max (Kevin Tighe) goes horribly wrong. Security guards end up dead and a high-speed chase through the Vegas streets results in fiery crashes, wrecked cop cars, $20 million in missing cash and an injured Harlan headed for the slammer.

Once inside it's up to Harlan and new buddy Ice Kool (rapper Treach) to stage a daring prison escape so they can exact revenge for the frame-up, find the loot and maybe, just maybe, save that childrens hospital that had that "Going Out of Business" sign slapped on it. (I kid you not.)

Had writer Kevin Moore and director Don E. FauntLeRoy stuck with the streamlined "beefy dude seeks revenge" storyline maybe TODAY YOU DIE wouldn't be such a frequently perplexing and sometimes frustrating head scratcher. Jada repeatedly has visions that Harlan attempts to interpret while Max reputedly dabbles in black magic and is a former CIA operative with the double secret clearance of "killmaster". Unfortunately, neither of these subplots go anywhere and Tighe's role is reduced to little more than a cameo, leaving more time for Seagal and Treach to perform D-grade buddy flick "comedy".

On the plus side, the flick's first third is highlighted by the aforementioned heist-gone-wrong chase scene that blows up an impressive amount of "stuff" for a direct-to-video flick, the Seagal-less fights have a decent amount of energy and the two stars have better chemistry than Harlan and Jada ever muster.

TODAY YOU DIE certainly isn't the worst direct-to-video Seagal effort by any stretch but you're better off skipping it in favor of 2007's URBAN JUSTICE, the third teaming of Seagal and director FauntLeRoy (MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE is the second and will surely land on my tv screen in short order).

Oh and look for future KICK-ASS star Chloe Grace Moretz as the little girl who inspires Robin Huge to save the hospital.

TODAY YOU DIE is available from Amazon.

We receive a small commission for purchases made at Amazon through this blog. Thanks for your support!

From Scooby-Doo to TORSO: January 2012 Viewings

Work, weather and other factors usually keep my winter viewing to a minimum but this year has – pleasantly – been a bit of a change. Efforts to find a better balance between life and business seem to be working and the year kicked off on some cinematic high notes. There was only one real dud in the bunch (NEW YEAR'S EVIL), a couple surprises (MONEYBALL, MYSTERY TEAM), another solid Eli Roth-helmed horror flick (HOSTEL II) and what would have easily made my Top 5 from 2011 had I seen it last year (RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES).

Monthly Total: 11 films (11 new/0 rewatches)

Year-to-Date: 11 films (11 new/0 rewatches)

UNKNOWN

------------------

Another "Liam Neeson Takes on the Baddies" actioner, this time with Neeson playing a professor who loses his identity after a car crash puts him in a coma. Entertaining but unmemorable with a nice supporting bit by Bruno Ganz and yet another wretchedly jaw-dropping turn from January Jones. Since Neeson ripped off Steven Seagal's BELLY OF THE BEAST for TAKEN, I think Big Steve should remake UNKNOWN as BIG FAT COMA KILLER.

COLD WAR ON ICE

----------------------------

Excellent documentary from NBC Sports Channel on the "friendly" ice hockey series between the USSR and Canadian All-Stars back in the early 1970s. Succeeds in making Phil Esposito downright charming and funny. Not as good as some of the recent sports docs from ESPN and HBO but always nice to have somebody else churning these out.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

------------------------------------------------------

As a huge POTA fan I was frankly a bit nervous about this one. I really wanted to see the franchise rebooted but didn't want something like that Burton abomination. Luckily, this loose remake of CONQUEST fires on all cylinders and succeeds at being smart, funny, intense and even a little touching. Can't wait to see what they do from here.

MYSTERY TEAM

-------------------------

What happens when those cute, mystery-obsessed kids turn into dorky mystery-obsessed teens? That's the premise of this slightly raunchy comedy starring Donald Glover, and your appreciation of the flick will probably track with how much you like Glover and his role on NBC's COMMUNITY. I was expecting something much more light-hearted and genteel (guess I didn't notice that 'R' rating!) so I was pleasantly surprised by the myriad gross gags and occasional nudity. Filled with familiar faces from NBC's Thursday night comedies.

OUT OF REACH

------------------------

Speaking of Big Steve, here's another in a seemingly-endless line of action thrillers lensed in Eastern Europe. This time he's a do-gooder whose foreign foster kid disappears into the clutches of a human trafficking ring run by Vince from the FAST & FURIOUS movies. Appears to have been made simply so Seagal could have a sword fight with the villain.

NEW YEAR'S EVIL

---------------------------

I feel like I'm officially scraping the bottom of the barrel of First Wave Slashers. You'd think a horror flick set at a New Year's Eve new wave concert hosted by Pinky Tuscadero (Roz Kelly) would have some potential. Unfortunately, this is an exercise in tedium that will have you yelling "Kill 'em all!" by the halfway point.

HOSTEL II

-----------------

I know Eli Roth is a frequent genre fanboy punching bag, but I sure as hell can't figure out why. Frankly, my only complaint about Roth is that he isn't more prolific! HOSTEL II continues his stretch of solid horror efforts as another group of college kids run afoul of the murder-for-pleasure ring operating out of European youth hostels. Funnier and more self-assured than the original, HOSTEL II features some great black humor to go along with the grisly, bloody effects and Roth tips his cap to Eurotrash with some choice cameos.

MONEYBALL

---------------------

There doesn't seem to be much middle ground with this flick. People I've talked to have either loved it or compared it to such eyeball-searing activities as paint drying or grass growing. Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed it, not as a baseball or sports movie but as a film about passionate individuals looking to make a paradigm shift in how something has been done for 100 years. It could have been about cricket or publishing or knitting – I just liked the idea that the answer "because that's how we've always done it" wasn't good enough for them. Plus, I don't think I've ever actually *liked* Brad Pitt or Jonah Hill in a movie before.

OUR IDIOT BROTHER

---------------------------------

The biggest problem I had with this comedy was accepting the idea that Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Daschanel, Emily Mortimer and Paul Rudd are siblings. Once I got over that I enjoyed this look at three sisters and their goofy, well-meaning, but dumb as a box of rocks brother. Rudd gets booted from his life on a farm after selling pot to a uniformed cop and he spends the flick bouncing from sister to sister, alternately ruining and improving their lives as he plots how to get his beloved dog back from his ex. Not a lot of heavy lifting but a good cast elevates the predictable material.

SCOOBY-DOO AND THE LEGEND OF THE PHANTOSAUR

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the Scooby-Doo flicks just keep on coming! (Much to my daughter's delight.) This one features Scooby and the gang heading to a new age spa after Shaggy suffers one too many scares. Naturally, a nearby archaeology dig is plagued by a glowing, fire-breathing dinosaur and a hypnotized Shaggy turns into a tough guy whenever anybody says the word "bad". An average effort with just enough jokes and gags aimed at adults.

TORSO

-------------

My Year of Segio Martino got off to a rousing start with my first viewing of this underrated giallo. Who is offing the bitchy girls at the local university? Is it the can't-take-no-for-an-answer student, the creepy uncle who peeps on his leggy niece, the solid-jawed doctor, the prickly prof or the rat-faced scarf vendor? Your guess is as good as mine as Martino deftly drops enough red herrings to keep me unsure until the final moments. This tension-packed thriller – which is also jammed with copious nudity and gratuitous J&B placements – deserves more love as Martino effortlessly segues from chilling scenes of murder to dark humor. It's no wonder the aforementioned Eli Roth loves this flick and lauds it as a major influence on HOSTEL II.

12 REVIEWS OF XMAS: He's Not Jesus! He's Just a F#@king Gypsy!

Welcome to Day 10 of our 12 REVIEWS OF XMAS holiday blog series. I'm not sure what the other reviews – courtesy of some of our favorite contributors – had to do with the holidays, but today's entry is steeped in holiday traditions. How? Well, it's a turkey and there's a big, fat guy we're supposed to believe can do remarkable things. Sounds like Christmas to me! For me, Steven Seagal's career truly is the gift that keeps on giving. He's like the uncle who comes for the holidays and brings you a kinda crappy present, but you remember the great presents he brought you back in the 80s and 90s so you hold your breath in anticipation – only to be disappointed by the half-assed bag of junk he dumps under the tree. But you can't wait till he shows up again next year!

There's a nugget of a good action flick lurking at the core of BORN TO RAISE HELL, the latest in a seemingly never-ending line of generic Steven Seagal actioners filmed in Eastern Europe. Unfortunately, saddled with leaden, cliché-riddled plotting from the star's own screenplay we're once again left wondering what might have been were his ego not just as bloated as the rest of him.

Seagal stars as Robert "Bobby" Samuels, an American who heads up an international drug task force located in Eastern Europe. When Costel (Darren Shahlavi) and his crew pull off a home invasion - complete with rape and murder - in order to fund their gun and drug operation it draws the attention of Samuels and his crew.

Will Samuels' task force nab Costel and his cronies? Is Costel planning to double-cross Dmitiri (Dan Badarau), the local drug kingpin, loving family man and former Spetsnaz member? Will the cop who announced that he's going to be a dad in a month make it to the end of the film?

I suppose we're supposed to care about all of these questions but Seagal's muddled script, coupled with directionless, er, direction from stuntman/stunt coordinator Lauro Chartrand, results in a lazy, but never unwatchable, mess. What should be the flick's core – renegade drug agent/American soldier teams up with family man/drug czar/Spetsnaz dude to take down an even worse Gypsy necrophiliac killer – never gels until the 75 minute mark of the film and even then it's dismissed within what seems like a matter of minutes. My only guess is that Seagal knew his acting chops were no match for Badaru – who comes off like the Romanian Brando – and wanted to limit the pair's mutual screentime.

On top of a forgettable screenplay and distracting direction (complete with lots of icy blue and sepia tints, freeze frames and slow-mo), HELL has all the usual problems that sink most of Seagal's recent work: the film opens with a voiceover that's supposed to be Seagal but is clearly somebody doing a Seagal impression; Costel is shown to be a kick-ass fighter during a confrontation with Dmitri's men but resorts to playground-style bitch slapping when Seagal lumbers in for their final confrontation; Seagal's fight scenes are cut too fast and then sped up leading to inevitable Keystone Cops and Benny Hill jokes; Seagal's "love interest" appears to be young enough to be his granddaughter, making their "sex scene" both oogie and laughable as the clothed and corpulent star wheezes sex talk at the trim and topless Romanian beauty; the flick's "action" relies too heavily on boring gun play; and, so on.

If you're a Seagal completist like me you won't be able to resist checking this one out on Netflix or rescuing it from the dollar bin at your local Walgreen's. For more casual fans I'd recommend URBAN JUSTICE or DRIVEN TO KILL as better examples of his recent work or just sticking with his Golden Era (1988-1997) and pretending these flicks never happened.

BORN TO RAISE HELL is available at Amazon. If you liked this review you can read hundreds more like it at the Exploitation Retrospect website. 

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DRIVEN TO KILL (2009)

I felt the need for some more turkey last night so I sat down to watch Big Steve's DRIVEN TO KILL. Always love it when he "acts". This time he's a Russian ex-mobster from New Jersey who now resides in California writing crime novels based on his former life using the pseudonym Jim Vincent. When he gets a call from his ex-wife that his estranged daughter is getting married he heads back to Canada, er, The Garden State even though he has promised his former rivals that he would not return. Further complicating matters is the fact that his daughter (a prosecutor) is marrying the son of one of his old Russian mob enemies.

A wedding day massacre sends the Siberian husky into a homicidal rage as he and his son-in-law-to-be battle their way through the New Jersey mob underworld to discover who is behind the killings and why.

If you've seen any of Seagal's revenge actioners you already have a pretty good idea how this one plays out... there's the cops on the trail of the staggering body count, lots of fights in bars and hallways, obvious double-crosses, and plenty of gunfights where guns jam or ammo runs out and somebody decides to attack Big Steve with some scissors.

As these flicks go it's actually not bad. The fights are better staged than a lot of the stuff from the SHADOW MAN, ATTACK FORCE, FLIGHT OF FURY period though not as much fun as the ass-kicking URBAN JUSTICE. Seagal looks huge and puffy so the fights are all shot at very close range but they do a decent job of doubling him and he can still whip his hands around and deliver a crunching kick when he needs to.

The impenetrable Russian accent he's saddled with is perhaps the flick's worst idea, as it renders his already mumbly dialogue style almost indecipherable at times.

While I hesitate to suggest that this heralds a return to form for ol' Steve, DRIVEN TO KILL is a perfectly enjoyable middle-of-the-road ass-kicker.

DRIVEN TO KILL is available for purchase from Amazon. It's also available via Netflix Instant View. You can read hundreds more reviews like this at Exploitation Retrospect: The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media.

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Happy Birthday Shari Shattuck

Happy 50th birthday wishes to actress Shari Shattuck. Best known for her recurring role on the daytime soap The Young and the Restless, Shattuck also dabbled in trashy cinema, including a small part in the wretched NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET (Cannon's hideous LETHAL WEAPON knock-off) and a starring role in POINT OF SEDUCTION: BODY CHEMISTRY III.

But I'll always remember her as Liles, the right hand man and ruthless executive assistant to Jennings (Michael Caine) in the brilliant and woefully misunderstood ON DEADLY GROUND.


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An UNDISPUTED Happy Birthday to Wesley Snipes

Is it my imagination or is Wesley Snipes – born on this date in 1962 – sorta like The Black Steven Seagal?

At one time both had promising careers as big-time action stars. Both have recently been dogged by legal woes. And both have been largely relegated to the direct-to-video section of the video store. (Do we still have video stores?)

All Wesley needs to complete the comparison is a bloated reality TV show in which he rides around with some local cops, dispensing Zen justice and signing an autograph or two. ("Oh my gawd?! Is that Wesley Snipes? Oh that's one handsome man! Wait'll I tell my auntie, she watches ALL his movies! Well... not the new ones.")

If you're looking for a flick to pop in for a birthday celebration of Snipes-ian proportions, you could do worse than the underrated prison boxing flick UNDISPUTED, co-starring Ving Rhames and directed by the always-reliable Walter Hill. Lost in the shuffle during his BLADE flicks and attempts to hold onto his Bankable Action Star Membership Card with the likes of ART OF WAR, UNDISPUTED had a blink-and-you-missed-it theatrical run but has spawned at least two sequels directed by Isaac Florentine.

As for the original, Ving Rhames (PULP FICTION, Vanessa Williams' Radio Shack commercial hubbie) stars as The Iceman, an undefeated heavyweight boxing champ serving time for rape. Sound familiar?

Birthday boy Wesley Snipes (BLADE, ART OF WAR) is Monroe Hutchens, serving a life sentence for a murder committed in the heat of passion (naturally). A highly-regarded fighter while on the outside, Hutchens has taken advantage of the prison's boxing program and hasn't lost a fight in the decade that he's been in the joint.

Sent to the same prison where Hutchens reigns supreme, The Iceman quickly tries to establish his dominance through violence and intimidation. When the wheels of the system get set in motion, a battle between Hutchens and The Iceman is inevitable. And to Hill's credit, the inevitable winner isn't a forgone conclusion.

It's too bad that they couldn't have cast The Iceman role with somebody more athletic or believable than Rhames. While he's certainly an imposing presence, he comes off as big and lumbering, not an athlete who dominates his sport on the outside. Snipes, on the other hand, is in marvelous shape (big surprise) and gives his character more humanity, poise and depth than was probably needed.

Unfortunately, writer/director Walter Hill's prison/boxing hybrid was in and out of theaters in a flash and got lost in the 2002 event flick shuffle. Not that it's anything great like Hill's EXTREME PREJUDICE, but it certainly wasn't deserving of this fate.

UNDISPUTED is available from Amazon.com. (ER receives a small referral fee for purchases made through our Amazon links. Thanks for your support.)

New ER Page Launched at Facebook

I suppose it was inevitable.

Print zine.

Website.

Blog.

Twitter.

And now we have an ER Facebook page.

Come on by and join the fun!

And the Award Goes To... My Best in Film and DVD for 2009

I'm not exactly sure how it got to be this late in 2010 before I got around to writing up my 2009 movie/DVD "best of" list. But I figured that if February 1, 2010 rolled around before it got posted there wasn't much sense in posting it.

When I posted this list on Facebook a week or so ago I was mildly surprised that people were asking me how I found the time to watch so many flicks. Frankly, I didn't think I'd seen that many and so I started digging into the numbers:

First Time Watches: 75
Rewatches: 30

While that number represents a slight increase over 2008 it still pales in comparison to the days when I'd see 200 new movies a year, including about 75% of the theatrical releases that hit the Delaware Valley. Back then, of course, I was a single zine editor who cared about movies, music and drink... and not necessarily in that order.

These days I'm a married, work-at-home dad with a precocious two-and-a-half year-old daughter so I guess it should come as somewhat of a surprise that I was able to squeeze in what amounts to two movies per week. But, upon closer examination, I realized that about one-third of everything I saw – roughly 30 flicks – came about thanks to three marathon viewing sessions: a weekend of trash viewing while my wife and daughter were in Florida; a weekend in Cleveland with pals from the European Trash Paradise; and, the annual Exhumed Marathon.

Take those 30 flicks – watched over a period of about six days – out of the mix and now we're looking at a much more realistic rate of one movie every 4.8 days. And with my daughter's aversion to afternoon naps I fear my 2010 total will be much, much lower.

That said, I'm happy to report that 2009 brought some pleasant surprises, a lot of flicks I'd recommend without hesitation and very few disappointments. Please keep in mind that I saw only three first-run releases in the theater (WATCHMEN, STAR TREK and THE HANGOVER) so almost everything on this list is not from 2009, these are just the things I watched in 2009. The full list will be posted below but first, some awards...

MOST PLEASANT SURPRISE
After the success of the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake and the public's apparent appetite for all things zombie, it came as no surprise that George Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD was tagged for a redo. Though it was handed over to horror hack Steve Miner I was looking forward to an updating of what I think is the underrated gem of Romero's zombie oeuvre. Unfortunately, word quickly spread that the finished flick was an unwatchable turd unsuitable for theatrical release. I caught up with it on Netflix Instant View one afternoon (Greatest. Invention. Ever.) and discovered it wasn't quite as bad as I'd heard though still nowhere near as good as I'd originally hoped. Miner's pedestrian direction lacks suspense, the storyline dispenses with most of the science vs. military plot of the original in favor of a CGI shoot 'em up and stars Nick Cannon and Mena Suvari make Lori Cardille and Joe Pilato look like Oscar nominees, but if you can overlook these things and check your brain at the door you might actually dig this in-name-only remake.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Like most horror fans I've been a fan of Bruce "The Chin" Campbell since he first threw himself around the cabin with reckless abandon in Sam Raimi's THE EVIL DEAD. Roles in that flick's two sequels cemented him as a B-movie star of note and I was always glad to see him pop up in something, whether it was a short-lived tv show, mainstream superhero flick or deodorant commercial. 2002's BUBBA HO-TEP reinforced the argument that Campbell, superb as an aging Elvis fighting a deadly mummy, was capable of greatness even when not playing Ash. Unfortunately, 2007's MY NAME IS BRUCE proved that even the great ones have their low-points... and this one was pretty low. Though I loved the concept of Campbell as a B-movie star with an overblown ego who gets mistaken for the heroes from his films, the whole thing is borderline unwatchable and easily a contender for the worst thing I watched all year. And I watched Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN remake/massacre.

MOST AMBITIOUS EUROTRASH FLICK
These days, my love of Eurotrash knows no bounds. While I was once strictly devoted to Italian splatter and all things Kinski my horizons have been opened (thanks to the aforementioned ETP) and I find myself eagerly diving into every giallo, Spaghetti western and Eurospy I can dig up to go along with my never-ending love of gorefests, post-nukes, Naschy flicks, Kinski and more. Heck, I even watched four Emanuelle flicks this year and waded through some of what I call "The Forgotten Fulcis". But of all the Eurotrash that I watched (roughly one-third of my 75 new watches), the one I got the biggest kick out of may have been the wonderfully ambitious ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN. I remember this flick hitting US shores as SCREAMERS, whose newspaper ads promised I'd see "a man turned inside out". What I didn't know was that Sergio Martino's late 70s epic was an enthusiastic mash-up of nature run amok, Jules Verne, voodoo and DR. MOREAU all rolled into one crazy ball. Mya's recent DVD release of the flick excises the shot-for-SCREAMERS inserts (with Cameron Mitchell) and restores it to its original glory, complete with underwater cities, Barbara Bach in wet tops, drug addicted fishmen, a slumming Joseph Cotten, and Richard Johnson as the Snidely Whiplash of Eurotrash villains.

MOST OVERRATED REMAKE OF A SEAGAL FLICK
When I first started seeing the commercials for the Liam Neeson revenge flick TAKEN I quipped to a pal that I'd be more likely to see it if it starred Steven Seagal. He responded that I needed to see Seagal's BELLY OF THE BEAST. Sure enough I rented the ironically-titled BELLY and it's pretty much the same film as TAKEN, complete with Big Steve as a retired CIA op whose daughter gets kidnapped while on a Thai vacation with a senator's daughter. Faster than you can say "blousy kimono" Seagal is kicking ass and saying things like "Anybody who stands in my way it's them or me!". I'd probably have nicer things to say about TAKEN were it not for the distracting presence of Maggie Grace, who was more than a decade older than her 17-year-old character at the time of shooting. Grace runs about spasmodically, shamelessly overacting to the point where her arrival on-screen was met with outright laughter, ruining what should have been a highly entertaining "gotta get my daughter back" revenge-a-thon worthy of Cannon-era Bronson.

BEST USE OF BIG STEVE IN A MOVIE OR TV SHOW
Since we're on the topic of Big Steve I thought we'd segue right into this award, which I had initially hoped would go to the highly anticipated A&E tv series STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. For those who haven't seen the reality series, it follows Seagal (a 20 year veteran of the New Orleans PD... seriously) and his team as they ferret out crime in some of the worst sections of a post-Katrina Big Easy. Unfortunately, despite my high expectations for LAWMAN it falls into that sad reality category of "if you've seen one you've seen 'em all". The show tries to wrap each installment in some Big Steve Message (drugs are bad, guard dogs are good, Zen and the art of target shooting) but there's no drama, the black shoe polish on Seagal's hair is highly distracting, and you can only laugh at the doughy action star "oof"-ing his frame in and out of the SUV so many times. Granted, Seagal-Vision (TM) is a technological advance that blows Cameron's 3-D sci-fi flick out of the water, but I hate having to suffer through the actual show in order to see it. As egomaniacal reality shows go this one's more "real" than GENE SIMMONS' FAMILY JEWELS, but that show features better actors delivering the scripted "reality". And so, the award for Best Use of Big Steve in a Movie or TV Show goes to STEP BROTHERS, which features a hysterical scene of stars Will Ferrell and John Reilly bonding over Seagal's finest – and first – cinematic outing, ABOVE THE LAW.

BEST HOPE(S) FOR THE FUTURE OF HORROR
It can be a challenge to live life as an unapologetic horror fan. The flicks that end up getting the most press are often remakes of superior films from the genre's not-so-distant past or Americanized versions of tales of terror from Japan or Europe. When a truly entertaining genre effort does get made, the distributor frequently muffs it and shuffles the flick to the world of direct-to-DVD with little or no theatrical release. And that's too bad, especially in the case of at least four flicks I saw this year that I would have loved to see get a wide release instead of yet another installment of SAW or a wretched remake like MIRRORS. The best of the bunch was definitely SPLINTER, a claustrophobic and bloody re-imagining of Carpenter's THE THING largely set in gas station convenience store. Anchored by great performances from the film's three leads (including Paulo Costanzo of the hit USA series ROYAL PAINS), SPLINTER features tight, suspenseful direction from Toby Wilkins that kept me on the edge of my seat. Though I didn't think it quite lived up to the hype, I thoroughly enjoyed the Halloween-themed anthology TRICK R TREAT and will make a point of digging it out annually. My other two favorites illustrate both sides of the slasher genre... Robert Hall's LAID TO REST is a brutal and bloody slasher flick that starts fast and never takes its foot off the gas while HATCHET is a clever and loving homage to the slasher flicks of the 80s that deftly balances the blood and boobs with actual humor. To say I'm looking forward to more from the makers of these flicks is an understatement, especially FROZEN, the new flick from HATCHET director Adam Green.

BEST REASONS TO DELVE INTO THE 80s
Sometimes I have to remind myself that it only seems like I've seen every single slice of horror, sleaze, sexploitation and trash from the 80s. Thanks to the wonders of Netflix, the annual Exhumed Marathon and friends who I'm pretty sure have seen every single trash film from the 80s I keep discovering new and wonderful flicks that occasionally blow my mind. This year I happily enjoyed viewings of Jess Franco's FACELESS, JP Simon's SLUGS and Lucio Fulci's MURDER ROCK, all the while wondering how these flicks flew under my radar for the last two decades. Even films that failed to live up to my expectations despite enthusiastic endorsements (HARD ROCK ZOMBIES, VISITING HOURS) were still time better spent than watching DOOMSDAY, MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D, I LOVE YOU MAN or PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. Then again, pretty much every film on my list paled in comparison to AMERICAN HUNTER, BLOOD DELIRIUM, DEADLY PREY and RAW FORCE, an untouchable quartet of 80s Mindblowers... films whose viewing experiences left me aching with joy thanks to the passion and insanity thrown onto the screen. Without a doubt, seeing RAW FORCE – in which Cameron Mitchell and a cruise ship full of kung-fu champs and large breasted policewomen battle zombies, cannibals and a Hitler look-alike running a white slavery ring! – on the big screen was 2009's cinematic highlight.

Oh, I could keep going on handing out awards for things like Best Klaus Kinski Flick (FIVE FOR HELL), Bloodiest Mainstream Flick (the eye-popping RAMBO) and Best ALIENS Rip-Off Masquerading as a Zombie Flick (ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING) or spend time debating the merits of EMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS vs. EMANUELLE & THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE, but I've probably prattled on long enough.

2009 was a surprisingly good year of viewing and with technology like Netflix Instant View bringing more and more trash straight into my living room (COLD PREY? GALE FORCE? BIG BAD WOLF?) not to mention a steady stream of DVD-R badness flowing from pals like David Zuzelo at TOMB IT MAY CONCERN, who knows what 2010 – and a new decade – has in store?

FIRST TIME WATCHES
---------------------------------
ADVENTURELAND
ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK
AMERICAN HUNTER
BABY MAMA
BEHIND THE MASK
BELLY OF THE BEAST
BLACK EMANUELLE 2
BLACK EMANUELLE/WHITE EMANUELLE
BLACK MAGIC 2
BLOOD DELIRIUM
BLOODY HANDS OF THE LAW
CAT IN THE BRAIN
THE CHILDREN
DAY OF THE DEAD (REMAKE)
THE DEAD NEXT DOOR
DEADLY PREY
DEVIL'S NIGHTMARE
DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE
DOOMSDAY: THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN
DOOMSDAY
DOOR INTO SILENCE
EMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS
EMANUELLE & THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE
EVIL FACE
FACELESS
FAST & FURIOUS
FIRED UP!
FIVE FOR HELL
GREY GARDENS
HALLOWEEN (UNRATED REMAKE)
THE HAND THAT FEEDS THE DEAD
THE HANGING WOMAN
THE HANGOVER
HARD ROCK ZOMBIES
HATCHET
I LOVE YOU, MAN
ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN
JULIE & JULIA
JUNGLE HEAT
LAID TO REST
MONSTER HUNTER
MURDER ROCK
MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D
MY NAME IS BRUCE
THE NEXT VICTIM
NIGHTMARE CASTLE
THE OBLONG BOX
OUT FOR A KILL
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
PLAGUE TOWN
PUNISHER: WAR ZONE
RAMBO
RATMAN
RAW FORCE
ROLE MODELS
THE SINFUL DWARF
SLUGS
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
SPLINTER
STAR TREK
STEP BROTHERS
THE STEPFORD CHILDREN
SUPERMAN/BATMAN: PUBLIC ENEMIES
TAKEN
TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER
TARANTULAS: THE DEADLY CARGO
TRAUMA
TROPIC THUNDER
TRICK 'R TREAT
THE U (30 FOR 30 Documentary)
VIGILANTE FORCE
VISITING HOURS
WATCHMEN
WEB OF THE SPIDER
WINTERBEAST
ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING

REPEAT VIEWINGS
-----------------------------
THE BEYOND
BLOOD SURF
CITY OF THE WALKING DEAD
CONQUEST
THE CONVENT
CRANK
CREEPSHOW
CURSE OF THE DEVIL
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
THE FLY (REMAKE)
FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 5
FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART IV
GODZILLA ON MONSTER ISLAND
GRADUATION DAY
HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD
LADY TERMINATOR
MANHATTAN BABY
MOTHER'S DAY
THE MUTILATOR
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (REMAKE)
ON DEADLY GROUND
THE PARTY ANIMAL
PIECES
PIRANHA
THE PSYCHIC
PSYCHO KICKBOXER
RE-ANIMATOR
SCREWBALLS
SUPER INFRA-MAN
THE VINDICATOR

QUICK TAKE: TAKEN (2009)

Chris and I rented TAKEN last night and I have to say it's a pretty perfunctory, pedestrian "gotta get the girl back" actioner. Liam (DARKMAN) Neeson is great as the world-weary former special-ops who retires to be close to his daughter, but the flick has zero twists or turns and basically takes us from point A to point B in a pretty straight line. They even intro a bunch of Neeson's former ops buds and blow the opportunity to bring them back into the flick once the daughter is taken.

And, speaking of the daughter, Maggie Grace's performance has to go down in the annals of film history as one of the most deluded takes on a 17-year-old in history. (Grace was born in 1983 making her almost 12 years older than the character she's playing.) Unless I missed something and she's supposed to be a highly function special needs kid, her spasmodic running about, arm flailing and inane giddiness is so far removed from any 14-year-old I've ever met, let alone 17-year-old, that we burst into laughter almost everytime she's on screen.

Frankly, it's pretty much the same flick as Seagal's BELLY OF THE BEAST and though more accomplished it's probably less fun.

Happy Seagalday!

"Anybody who stands in my way it's them or me!"

You'd think he was talking about the Shoney's All-You-Can-Eat Buffet but apparently Big Steve wants his daughter back in JELLY BELLY OF THE BEAST, the pre-TAKEN Thai butt-kicker starring Steve as a "retired" CIA operative whose daughter gets kidnapped by Thai rebels along with a senator's daughter.

While not as instantly forgettable as OUT FOR A KILL – yesterday's excursion into Seagology – it's still one of those overly-plotted foreign co-productions that have been the earmarks of Seagal's post-UNDER SIEGE 2 filmography.

Worse yet, I realized about halfway through that I have seen chunks of this flick, though not enough to feel like I'd truly experienced it.

Anyway, hope everybody has a Happy Seagalday and gets a big, blousy kimono, some incense sticks, black dye for their widows peak, and a case of Steven Seagal Energy Drink (which one of my pals told me earlier today "tastes like carbonated shit").

Anticipation of Death is Worse than Death Itself

"I'll take YOU to the bank Senator Trent... the blood bank."

Did a "live watch" of Big Steve's HARD TO KILL (aka SEVEN YEAR STORM) on HBO this afternoon. I've always been pretty tough on this one and for those of you that have never seen it here's the flick in a nutshell: Big Steve is ponytailed cop Mason Storm and when he uncovers a plot to kill a senator he runs afoul of the mob, crooked politicians and even crookeder cops. They kill his wife and think they've killed Storm but he slips into a coma and is whisked off to a rehab facility where he lies for seven years. (Hence the original, incredibly hokey title.) He wakes up and must kill everybody in sight before they kill him. Oh yeah, he also has to get the evidence that will put the aforementioned Senator Trent (William Sadler) into prison.

I probably watched this under the best possible circumstances... I caught the opening, a trademark Big Steve "break up the convenience store robbery" sequence, and the wholesale attempted slaughter of Storm's family. After that it was Wee T's lunchtime so we sorta paid attention during the absurdist escape from the rehab facility (in which a bed-ridden, Howard Hughes-looking Storm evades his pursuers) and resumed paying attention once the de rigeur training sequence was complete and it was time for the killer Storm to be unleashed. Much ass kicking and broken bones followed.

While not in the pantheon of Big Steve Greatness with ABOVE THE LAW, the UNDER SIEGE flicks and the brutal double shot of OUT FOR JUSTICE and ON DEADLY GROUND, HARD TO KILL was actually more entertaining than I'd ever given it credit for being. I think my lingering resentment toward it back in the day was probably due more to it being the follow-up to ABOVE THE LAW than anything. ATL came outta nowhere and played it pretty straight. HTK goes a bit overboard with the puns and action hero "witticisms" and, well, the rehab center escape is a bit hard to take, but given some of The Big Man's recent cinematic duds, HARD TO KILL looks brilliant by comparison.

For you fellow Big Steve enthusiasts out there (and you know who you are) check out this upcoming book... Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal. If you think I'm unnaturally excited about a 350+ page look at Seagal's career, you're right.