And the Award Goes To... My Best in Film and DVD for 2009

I'm not exactly sure how it got to be this late in 2010 before I got around to writing up my 2009 movie/DVD "best of" list. But I figured that if February 1, 2010 rolled around before it got posted there wasn't much sense in posting it.

When I posted this list on Facebook a week or so ago I was mildly surprised that people were asking me how I found the time to watch so many flicks. Frankly, I didn't think I'd seen that many and so I started digging into the numbers:

First Time Watches: 75
Rewatches: 30

While that number represents a slight increase over 2008 it still pales in comparison to the days when I'd see 200 new movies a year, including about 75% of the theatrical releases that hit the Delaware Valley. Back then, of course, I was a single zine editor who cared about movies, music and drink... and not necessarily in that order.

These days I'm a married, work-at-home dad with a precocious two-and-a-half year-old daughter so I guess it should come as somewhat of a surprise that I was able to squeeze in what amounts to two movies per week. But, upon closer examination, I realized that about one-third of everything I saw – roughly 30 flicks – came about thanks to three marathon viewing sessions: a weekend of trash viewing while my wife and daughter were in Florida; a weekend in Cleveland with pals from the European Trash Paradise; and, the annual Exhumed Marathon.

Take those 30 flicks – watched over a period of about six days – out of the mix and now we're looking at a much more realistic rate of one movie every 4.8 days. And with my daughter's aversion to afternoon naps I fear my 2010 total will be much, much lower.

That said, I'm happy to report that 2009 brought some pleasant surprises, a lot of flicks I'd recommend without hesitation and very few disappointments. Please keep in mind that I saw only three first-run releases in the theater (WATCHMEN, STAR TREK and THE HANGOVER) so almost everything on this list is not from 2009, these are just the things I watched in 2009. The full list will be posted below but first, some awards...

MOST PLEASANT SURPRISE
After the success of the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake and the public's apparent appetite for all things zombie, it came as no surprise that George Romero's DAY OF THE DEAD was tagged for a redo. Though it was handed over to horror hack Steve Miner I was looking forward to an updating of what I think is the underrated gem of Romero's zombie oeuvre. Unfortunately, word quickly spread that the finished flick was an unwatchable turd unsuitable for theatrical release. I caught up with it on Netflix Instant View one afternoon (Greatest. Invention. Ever.) and discovered it wasn't quite as bad as I'd heard though still nowhere near as good as I'd originally hoped. Miner's pedestrian direction lacks suspense, the storyline dispenses with most of the science vs. military plot of the original in favor of a CGI shoot 'em up and stars Nick Cannon and Mena Suvari make Lori Cardille and Joe Pilato look like Oscar nominees, but if you can overlook these things and check your brain at the door you might actually dig this in-name-only remake.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Like most horror fans I've been a fan of Bruce "The Chin" Campbell since he first threw himself around the cabin with reckless abandon in Sam Raimi's THE EVIL DEAD. Roles in that flick's two sequels cemented him as a B-movie star of note and I was always glad to see him pop up in something, whether it was a short-lived tv show, mainstream superhero flick or deodorant commercial. 2002's BUBBA HO-TEP reinforced the argument that Campbell, superb as an aging Elvis fighting a deadly mummy, was capable of greatness even when not playing Ash. Unfortunately, 2007's MY NAME IS BRUCE proved that even the great ones have their low-points... and this one was pretty low. Though I loved the concept of Campbell as a B-movie star with an overblown ego who gets mistaken for the heroes from his films, the whole thing is borderline unwatchable and easily a contender for the worst thing I watched all year. And I watched Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN remake/massacre.

MOST AMBITIOUS EUROTRASH FLICK
These days, my love of Eurotrash knows no bounds. While I was once strictly devoted to Italian splatter and all things Kinski my horizons have been opened (thanks to the aforementioned ETP) and I find myself eagerly diving into every giallo, Spaghetti western and Eurospy I can dig up to go along with my never-ending love of gorefests, post-nukes, Naschy flicks, Kinski and more. Heck, I even watched four Emanuelle flicks this year and waded through some of what I call "The Forgotten Fulcis". But of all the Eurotrash that I watched (roughly one-third of my 75 new watches), the one I got the biggest kick out of may have been the wonderfully ambitious ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN. I remember this flick hitting US shores as SCREAMERS, whose newspaper ads promised I'd see "a man turned inside out". What I didn't know was that Sergio Martino's late 70s epic was an enthusiastic mash-up of nature run amok, Jules Verne, voodoo and DR. MOREAU all rolled into one crazy ball. Mya's recent DVD release of the flick excises the shot-for-SCREAMERS inserts (with Cameron Mitchell) and restores it to its original glory, complete with underwater cities, Barbara Bach in wet tops, drug addicted fishmen, a slumming Joseph Cotten, and Richard Johnson as the Snidely Whiplash of Eurotrash villains.

MOST OVERRATED REMAKE OF A SEAGAL FLICK
When I first started seeing the commercials for the Liam Neeson revenge flick TAKEN I quipped to a pal that I'd be more likely to see it if it starred Steven Seagal. He responded that I needed to see Seagal's BELLY OF THE BEAST. Sure enough I rented the ironically-titled BELLY and it's pretty much the same film as TAKEN, complete with Big Steve as a retired CIA op whose daughter gets kidnapped while on a Thai vacation with a senator's daughter. Faster than you can say "blousy kimono" Seagal is kicking ass and saying things like "Anybody who stands in my way it's them or me!". I'd probably have nicer things to say about TAKEN were it not for the distracting presence of Maggie Grace, who was more than a decade older than her 17-year-old character at the time of shooting. Grace runs about spasmodically, shamelessly overacting to the point where her arrival on-screen was met with outright laughter, ruining what should have been a highly entertaining "gotta get my daughter back" revenge-a-thon worthy of Cannon-era Bronson.

BEST USE OF BIG STEVE IN A MOVIE OR TV SHOW
Since we're on the topic of Big Steve I thought we'd segue right into this award, which I had initially hoped would go to the highly anticipated A&E tv series STEVEN SEAGAL: LAWMAN. For those who haven't seen the reality series, it follows Seagal (a 20 year veteran of the New Orleans PD... seriously) and his team as they ferret out crime in some of the worst sections of a post-Katrina Big Easy. Unfortunately, despite my high expectations for LAWMAN it falls into that sad reality category of "if you've seen one you've seen 'em all". The show tries to wrap each installment in some Big Steve Message (drugs are bad, guard dogs are good, Zen and the art of target shooting) but there's no drama, the black shoe polish on Seagal's hair is highly distracting, and you can only laugh at the doughy action star "oof"-ing his frame in and out of the SUV so many times. Granted, Seagal-Vision (TM) is a technological advance that blows Cameron's 3-D sci-fi flick out of the water, but I hate having to suffer through the actual show in order to see it. As egomaniacal reality shows go this one's more "real" than GENE SIMMONS' FAMILY JEWELS, but that show features better actors delivering the scripted "reality". And so, the award for Best Use of Big Steve in a Movie or TV Show goes to STEP BROTHERS, which features a hysterical scene of stars Will Ferrell and John Reilly bonding over Seagal's finest – and first – cinematic outing, ABOVE THE LAW.

BEST HOPE(S) FOR THE FUTURE OF HORROR
It can be a challenge to live life as an unapologetic horror fan. The flicks that end up getting the most press are often remakes of superior films from the genre's not-so-distant past or Americanized versions of tales of terror from Japan or Europe. When a truly entertaining genre effort does get made, the distributor frequently muffs it and shuffles the flick to the world of direct-to-DVD with little or no theatrical release. And that's too bad, especially in the case of at least four flicks I saw this year that I would have loved to see get a wide release instead of yet another installment of SAW or a wretched remake like MIRRORS. The best of the bunch was definitely SPLINTER, a claustrophobic and bloody re-imagining of Carpenter's THE THING largely set in gas station convenience store. Anchored by great performances from the film's three leads (including Paulo Costanzo of the hit USA series ROYAL PAINS), SPLINTER features tight, suspenseful direction from Toby Wilkins that kept me on the edge of my seat. Though I didn't think it quite lived up to the hype, I thoroughly enjoyed the Halloween-themed anthology TRICK R TREAT and will make a point of digging it out annually. My other two favorites illustrate both sides of the slasher genre... Robert Hall's LAID TO REST is a brutal and bloody slasher flick that starts fast and never takes its foot off the gas while HATCHET is a clever and loving homage to the slasher flicks of the 80s that deftly balances the blood and boobs with actual humor. To say I'm looking forward to more from the makers of these flicks is an understatement, especially FROZEN, the new flick from HATCHET director Adam Green.

BEST REASONS TO DELVE INTO THE 80s
Sometimes I have to remind myself that it only seems like I've seen every single slice of horror, sleaze, sexploitation and trash from the 80s. Thanks to the wonders of Netflix, the annual Exhumed Marathon and friends who I'm pretty sure have seen every single trash film from the 80s I keep discovering new and wonderful flicks that occasionally blow my mind. This year I happily enjoyed viewings of Jess Franco's FACELESS, JP Simon's SLUGS and Lucio Fulci's MURDER ROCK, all the while wondering how these flicks flew under my radar for the last two decades. Even films that failed to live up to my expectations despite enthusiastic endorsements (HARD ROCK ZOMBIES, VISITING HOURS) were still time better spent than watching DOOMSDAY, MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D, I LOVE YOU MAN or PINEAPPLE EXPRESS. Then again, pretty much every film on my list paled in comparison to AMERICAN HUNTER, BLOOD DELIRIUM, DEADLY PREY and RAW FORCE, an untouchable quartet of 80s Mindblowers... films whose viewing experiences left me aching with joy thanks to the passion and insanity thrown onto the screen. Without a doubt, seeing RAW FORCE – in which Cameron Mitchell and a cruise ship full of kung-fu champs and large breasted policewomen battle zombies, cannibals and a Hitler look-alike running a white slavery ring! – on the big screen was 2009's cinematic highlight.

Oh, I could keep going on handing out awards for things like Best Klaus Kinski Flick (FIVE FOR HELL), Bloodiest Mainstream Flick (the eye-popping RAMBO) and Best ALIENS Rip-Off Masquerading as a Zombie Flick (ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING) or spend time debating the merits of EMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS vs. EMANUELLE & THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE, but I've probably prattled on long enough.

2009 was a surprisingly good year of viewing and with technology like Netflix Instant View bringing more and more trash straight into my living room (COLD PREY? GALE FORCE? BIG BAD WOLF?) not to mention a steady stream of DVD-R badness flowing from pals like David Zuzelo at TOMB IT MAY CONCERN, who knows what 2010 – and a new decade – has in store?

FIRST TIME WATCHES
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ADVENTURELAND
ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK
AMERICAN HUNTER
BABY MAMA
BEHIND THE MASK
BELLY OF THE BEAST
BLACK EMANUELLE 2
BLACK EMANUELLE/WHITE EMANUELLE
BLACK MAGIC 2
BLOOD DELIRIUM
BLOODY HANDS OF THE LAW
CAT IN THE BRAIN
THE CHILDREN
DAY OF THE DEAD (REMAKE)
THE DEAD NEXT DOOR
DEADLY PREY
DEVIL'S NIGHTMARE
DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE
DOOMSDAY: THE DEATH OF SUPERMAN
DOOMSDAY
DOOR INTO SILENCE
EMANUELLE & THE LAST CANNIBALS
EMANUELLE & THE WHITE SLAVE TRADE
EVIL FACE
FACELESS
FAST & FURIOUS
FIRED UP!
FIVE FOR HELL
GREY GARDENS
HALLOWEEN (UNRATED REMAKE)
THE HAND THAT FEEDS THE DEAD
THE HANGING WOMAN
THE HANGOVER
HARD ROCK ZOMBIES
HATCHET
I LOVE YOU, MAN
ISLAND OF THE FISHMEN
JULIE & JULIA
JUNGLE HEAT
LAID TO REST
MONSTER HUNTER
MURDER ROCK
MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D
MY NAME IS BRUCE
THE NEXT VICTIM
NIGHTMARE CASTLE
THE OBLONG BOX
OUT FOR A KILL
PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
PLAGUE TOWN
PUNISHER: WAR ZONE
RAMBO
RATMAN
RAW FORCE
ROLE MODELS
THE SINFUL DWARF
SLUGS
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
SPLINTER
STAR TREK
STEP BROTHERS
THE STEPFORD CHILDREN
SUPERMAN/BATMAN: PUBLIC ENEMIES
TAKEN
TALES OF THE BLACK FREIGHTER
TARANTULAS: THE DEADLY CARGO
TRAUMA
TROPIC THUNDER
TRICK 'R TREAT
THE U (30 FOR 30 Documentary)
VIGILANTE FORCE
VISITING HOURS
WATCHMEN
WEB OF THE SPIDER
WINTERBEAST
ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING

REPEAT VIEWINGS
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THE BEYOND
BLOOD SURF
CITY OF THE WALKING DEAD
CONQUEST
THE CONVENT
CRANK
CREEPSHOW
CURSE OF THE DEVIL
FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
THE FLY (REMAKE)
FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 5
FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART IV
GODZILLA ON MONSTER ISLAND
GRADUATION DAY
HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD
LADY TERMINATOR
MANHATTAN BABY
MOTHER'S DAY
THE MUTILATOR
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (REMAKE)
ON DEADLY GROUND
THE PARTY ANIMAL
PIECES
PIRANHA
THE PSYCHIC
PSYCHO KICKBOXER
RE-ANIMATOR
SCREWBALLS
SUPER INFRA-MAN
THE VINDICATOR