It’s Amateur Night at the Zombie Household with this head-scratching origin story about everybody’s favorite monster family, last seen in NBC’s failed “dark” reboot MOCKINGBIRD LANE (2012).
Lily (Shari Moon Zombie, of course) is looking for love and finds it when she falls for Herman, a rocking, but hacky joke of a Frankenstein monster played by Jeff Daniel Phillips (channeling his inner Fred Gwynne). They marry and end up moving to America after Herman dim-wittedly falls for a scheme cooked up by the ex-wife of The Count (Daniel Roebuck).
Writer/director Rob Zombie offers up lots of answers to questions nobody was asking, like how did Herman and Lily end up with Spot, why did they buy the house on Mockingbird Lane, and how did Herman get his job at the funeral parlor.
It’s all garish colors and groan-inducing jokes that make the various tv specials and reboots seem fresh and inventive. I’d rather watch old episodes of the original show or 1966’s MUNSTER, GO HOME! – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect and The Hungover Gourmet. He grew up watching The Munsters and The Addams Family every chance he got.
Hello and happy holidays, dear readers! It's hard to believe that Christmas has already passed us by and the end of 2015 will be here in just a couple days. I'm hoping that Santa or Krampus brought you everything your evil little hearts desired this holiday season. Me? I got a nasty case of bronchitis that I should completely shake just in time for the return to work and school. Yay. But the good news is that work continues on issue 53 and our review stack is teetering to the point that I'm happy to welcome another reviewer to the fold. Please welcome Evan Romero and hope that he sticks around despite me sticking him with a dog like CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN right off the bat. Take it away, Evan...
I'm just gonna come out and say it straight: This. Movie. Sucks.
What movie you ask? Why, it's CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN, a parody horror flick that forgot the main ingredient in a parody: the humor. A little bit of research on IMDb reveals that this is the THIRD full-length Caesar and Otto horror spoof flick. Now, I can't speak about the other two because I've never seen them, but just who in the hell gave this movie the greenlight and what were they smoking? Obviously nothing good if they thought this was worthy of production.
Oh... it was produced by director / writer / star Dave Campfield's own Fourth Horizon Cinema. Well, that explains a lot.
Anyways, after dressing in drag and stopping crazed killer Michael Myles, Otto (Paul Chomicki) and Caesar (Dave Campfield, also writer and director) are asked by Governor Jerry Grayson (Ken MacFarlane) to watch over his summer home for him while he's away (even though he never leaves). Joined by their father Fred (Scott Aguilar), they go to the house and meet some of the people living therein. While there, strange things start to happen for the sole purpose of parodying (and failing) famous horror films like THE SHINING, THE EXORCIST, POLTERGEIST, HALLOWEEN, THE CONJURING, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and God knows what else. There's also some bullshit plot threads about Otto discovering his mother being alive as well as Governor Grayson declaring martial law and Caesar attempting to write a screenplay, but those just seem to be there for failed attempts at humor/parody.
The film seems to think that parody is little more than taking a trope and doing something dumb with it. But it forgets that successful parodies need to be clever and intelligent, neither of which this film is though it likes to THINK it is.
Let me give you some examples of the "comedy" on display here:
In one scene, Otto is skateboarding down a hallway and is confronted by twin women (Brinke Stevens). They tell him, "Come play with us, Otto"-flash to scene of them lying dead in the hallway covered in blood-"forever"-flash again with a cymbal crash-"and ever"-flash again with a cartoonish car horn-"and ever"-flash again to women having been replaced by a rubber duck complete with quacking sound. Otto agrees to play with them-and they sit and play video games. When they disappear, they take his wallet (a gag used twice and isn't funny either time). Ho ho.
Or, how about two priests trying to educate another in what Frisbee is. It's not funny for the first 5 seconds, and it's not funny for the remaining 45 seconds.
Or, how about when Fred is getting irritated with Otto and Caesar for arguing in the car, threatens to jump out of the moving vehicle, and then does so. Hardy-fricken-har!
How about another parody of THE SHINING? They parody the "give me the bat" scene which ends with Otto handing over the bat and Caesar suggesting they go outside and hit some balls. Hahaha – not!
Another scene involves a screenwriting professor who appears and tells Caesar everything that is wrong with his romantic comedy/horror script. Everything the professor says about Caesar's script can be applied to this movie. Of course the gag isn't funny and reeks of desperation, but I have to applaud the film for crapping on itself.
But I have to give credit where credit is due. And that credit goes to Scott Aguilar. He's the only one whose line deliveries/antics conjure a mild chuckle. In fact, most of the time he's on screen I was guaranteed at least one. He's basically doing the best he can with the lame material given. And the film DOES have one really funny bit (at least to me). At a Halloween party, Fred tells Caesar that the best way to drink wine is to drink it real fast. He then proceeds to down the bottle while Caesar quips, "You might wanna put AA on your speed dial." I actually laughed at that one and made the fatal mistake of thinking that the movie gets better. It doesn't.
Oh, you DO get a shot of some nice tits. So that's a bonus.
But real horror comes at the end when another Caesar and Otto horror spoof movie is threatened. Cinema Gods, do NOT let this happen!
The DVD includes director commentary, cast and crew commentary, gag reel (just as unfunny as the movie), the Son of Piggyzilla trilogy (three unfunny shorts about a giant guinea pig), a short look behind-the-scenes (useless), a tribute to the late Robert Z'Dar (the best bit on here), and some other crap.
I'd been looking forward to watching this when I received it, hoping to have another horror/comedy to add to my list of good ones. As you can see it won't be going on that list. But at least the disc will make an excellent coaster. – Evan Romero Evan Romero spends much of his time reading morally-questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the (currently) two man punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined) and is currently working on getting his own website/blog, Reel Atrocities (dedicated to reviews of horror, exploitation, and schlocky films), up and running.
While sitting around the fire pit the other night, my daughter and her best friend began treating us to renditions of Christmas carols. On October 18th. It was all a little much for me until I realized that my own personal Christmas was arriving exactly two months early.
Yes, I'm talking about the Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horrorthon, the eighth installment of which will be taking place this coming weekend at Philly's International House on my old college stomping grounds.
Longtime readers are probably already familiar with Exhumed Films and the annual Horrorthon, but in case any new readers have landed here thanks to our new issue (available from our website) or CINESLUDGE (our new podcast venture) here's a quick recap...
Started in the late 1990s in the South Jersey/Philly region, Exhumed Films began reviving big screen horror in area theaters. Screening actual prints of the flicks (no video projection here), the group arranged spectacular double bills, zombie flick marathons and other events over the years. Best of all, Exhumed audiences treated the films like the fans they were, with MST3K nonsense and (largely) unfunny catcalls discouraged.
When the group's tenth anniversary rolled around in 2007 they rolled out their biggest event yet – a 24 hour horrorthon in which none of the titles would be announced prior to them hitting the screen. And what a lineup it was, starting with John Carpenter's classic HALLOWEEN and ending 24 hours later (give or take) with Lucio Fulci's gory GATES OF HELL, with detours into slashers (PIECES), WTF classics (PHANTASM), giant monsters (GODZILLA VS THE COSMIC MONSTER) and more along the way. (You can read a recap of Horrorthons I thru VI here.)
Unlike that first year, the Horrorthon is now an almost instant sell-out, with people still clamoring for extra tickets on the event's Facebook page.
And as in previous years, Cinema Arcana editor Bruce Holecheck is the only man brave enough to wallow in such an unhealthy dose of sinema and join us in our fight against sleep and the noxious combination of bologna and feet.
Last year's lineup was a solid, consistent show filled with some first time viewings, a couple welcome surprises that I'd not seen in years and one eye-violence-filled grimefest that had me squirming in my chair for 90 minutes...
DEMON KNIGHT
MONKEY SHINES
REVENGE OF THE LIVING ZOMBIES (aka Bill Hinzman's FLESH EATER)
MANSION OF THE DOOMED
INFERNO
WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE
TINTORERA
the original HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW
NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR
THE PARASITE MURDERS (aka THEY CAME FROM WITHIN)
GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD
TOXIC ZOMBIES
DARKMAN
DEMONS 2
What does 2014 have in store? And, as Exhumed likes to say, who will survive and what will be left of them?!
Watch the ER blog for a post-Horrorthon recap and stay tuned to CINESLUDGE for an on-the-ground report from the trenches!
As the air turns crisp and leaves begin to blanket the once green grass, certain autumnal images spring to mind... pumpkins, candy corn, trick or treaters, inept victims being chased by unstoppable killing machines... you get the picture. So you'd think that 2009's THE SCAR CROW would fill the bill for frightful viewing thanks to its bevy of busty babes and an iconic Halloween image – the scarecrow – taking a villainous turn. But, as longtime ER contributor and Divine Exploitation editor Douglas Waltz found out, sometimes boobs and gore just isn't enough.
In the year 1709 a woman is hanged as a witch, leaving behind three full grown daughters and a husband. The husband burns all of her belongings and has his way with the daughters. Well, two of them. He crosses the line when he attacks the youngest, Primrose, and is killed. They hide his body as a scarecrow, but he's not quite dead. He has time for a final curse upon them all. They shall never perish as long as he is the scarecrow. They attempt to bury his body, but every morning it hangs where they left it.
There is no escape from the curse.
Or is there?
Flash forward to 2009 where four buddies are on a team building exercise for their company when they stumble upon the farm where the sisters are still very much alive and looking for men to help them abolish the curse and free them forever.
Not looking too good for these fellas.
THE SCAR CROW reminds me of an old Hammer Horror film. The girls are all of ample bosom and not afraid to show them off. The blood runs red throughout the film from the first guy losing his penis to someone being gutted. The effects don't look too bad.
So, why is this thing so damned dull?
It just plods along to its inevitable, albeit bizarre, conclusion. I'm not even sure exactly what happened there.
The plot is overly simplistic so when they try to more with it you just nod and say, "Yeah, I get it." I said that a lot in this movie.
The DVD has a trailer that is pretty much the movie in short form. It gives away what plot there is along with all of the surprises as well. There is a behind-the-scenes featurette that I decided to skip as the movie did nothing to hold my interest.
And, finally, why THE SCAR CROW? I don't think it made much sense. It was a scarecrow in the flick, why not call it THE SCARECROW? I realize that there are a lot of scarecrow flicks out there. A quick glance at IMDB shows 16 of them. So what? Maybe it could have been GHOST OF THE SCARECROW or SCARECROW: RITUALS? Anything but THE SCAR CROW. It looks like they just forgot to put the 'e' in there.
In the end even the gore and boobs can't really make me recommend this movie – under any title. – Douglas Waltz
Douglas Waltz is the editor of Divine Exploitation and you can get the new issue by visiting the CreateSpace store. He is a longtime contributor to ER and recently wrote about REPLIGATOR, MOLD!, DROPPING EVIL and more in issue #52 (available at our website, CreateSpace and Amazon).
The warm weather around these parts might convince you otherwise but a quick look at the calendar next to my desk confirms that, yep, it's October.
And you know what that means... the shackles come off and for 31 glorious days it's not just ok to be a horror fan it's downright encouraged!
Pumpkin-flavored goodies fill store shelves (though pumpkin beer is getting dangerously close to being a July 4th offering), every sitcom, cooking show and renovation-centered "reality" program trots out a Halloween theme and some spooky music, and the fine folks at TCM and AMC start airing the flicks in primetime that they usually relegate to the 2 AM on Saturday morning graveyard slot. (You can also check out the ABC Family lineup here or view The Atlantic's exhaustive list of every horror flick airing this month.)
But, so what? As much as my viewing tastes may have wandered from the horror trenches over recent years it's still fun to embrace all that's great, not so great, fun, silly, scary (sometimes), entertaining and lovably dumb about this time of year.
So, as we've done every October for the last seven (!) years it's time for our annual '31 Days of Fright' blog feature, complete with reviews, links, clips, trailers and whatever else we can dig up to make the month fun.
