CONTEST: What's In Your Horror Movie Survival Crate?

We've all been there... you're watching a horror flick and you simply can't believe what the characters on the big (or little) screen are doing.

Whether they're going back into the creepy house or deciding to explore that "strange noise" coming from the shed where all the power tools are, we all think we're smarter than the victims du jour.

But would you really survive an encounter with a knife-wielding maniac, possessed prom queen or alien-inhabited lumberjack? Maybe if you had a chance to plan ahead, imagine what you'd need to last till the end and get it all in a big crate that would arrive at an opportune moment?

Here's your chance to show how much smarter than stock horror movie characters you are! Use the comments section below to name up to five things you'd want to receive if you were a character in a horror movie. They can be as creative or practical as you want (like a really slow sidekick or maybe some extra gas for that chainsaw you just know is going to konk out at the wrong time).

On Wednesday, November 5, 2014 we'll select a comment at random to receive a crate of goodies from ER HQ. Okay, "crate" might be the wrong word. How about a "box" of goodies including the new films INSIDE, SOULMATE (executive produced by Neil Marshall) and ZOMBIE HOOD, copies of Exploitation Retrospect 51 and 52 and more.

And speaking of crates, check out the cool gifts available at ManCrates.com that inspired this contest. I once spent a summer working in a warehouse opening crates of sheet music with a crowbar. If you've never opened a crate with a crowbar, you're missing out on one of life's little pleasures.

Unfortunately, all the crates we opened had sheet music in them. And the occasional slice of geriatric porn somebody at the other warehouse stuck in there to "shock" us. They never contained anything cool like bacon, old school toys, or everything you'd need to survive a few extra days in the coming zombie-pocalypse.

IMPORTANT! Anonymous comments will be removed since we have no way of contacting you if you win!

ER 2011 Zombie Haiku Contest Winner!

Thanks to everybody who took the time to put together an entry for the ER 2011 Zombie Haiku Contest.

Entries were very varied and unique... some evoked zombies of the silver screen while others reimagined comic book superheroes as head-chomping monsters. Sports were skewered, holidays were zombified and some people, well, just seemed to like writing about zombies.

But when it was all said and done our celebrity judges (Louis Fowler of Damaged Hearing/Damaged Viewing, Deadvida from RIGOR MORTIS and AMY'S IN THE ATTIC director Matthew Saliba) had one overwhelming, consensus favorite...

Zombies holding signs
"We ate 99 percent!"
#OccupyLiving

Congratulations to the mysterious "M" for their entry. Will the academy look back years from now and wonder if the timeliness of the haiku helped push it over the top? I'll leave that topic for the haiku contest historians.

In the meantime, thanks again to all our judges, sponsors and prize contributors: Louis Fowler, Deadvida, Matthew Saliba, Damaged Hearing, Damaged Viewing, Rigor Mortis, BlackFlag.tv, B-Movie.com, AMCNetworks 'The Walking Dead' for participation, sponsorship and support!

Use Your Brain Before THEY Get It! Enter the ER Zombie Haiku Contest.

Got what it takes to write a funny, gross and/or creative Zombie Haiku?

Exploitation Retrospect has joined forces with Louis Fowler of Damaged Hearing/Damaged Viewing and Deadvida of Rigor Mortis to bring you the 2011 Zombie Haiku Contest. 

E-mail us your best, most creative, funniest, or grossest zombie-centric haiku by 11:59 PM Eastern on Thursday, October 27, 2011. Our panel of judges will pick their favorite and the winner will be announced on Monday, October 31, 2011. (And let's not get all nit-picky about haiku. For the purpose of this contest we're defining a haiku as a three-line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second and 5 in the third.)

The winning entry will receive a Zombie Prize Package including:

• AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION/BLACK SHEEP Double Feature DVD
• BIO-DEAD DVD
• STRIPPERLAND DVD
• Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion by Alan Goldsher
• The Zombie Factory: 27 Tales of Bizarre Comix Madness from Beyond the Tomb!
• Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim by Mark Twain and W. Bill Czolgosz
• RIGOR MORTIS #4
• ER: Revenge of Print Edition 2011 (upon publication)
• AMC's The Walking Dead t-shirt
• Autographed vinyl single of outlaw country singer Christopher Murdock's song "Fear the Dead"

You can enter as often as you like but only one entry per e-mail. Entrants must be 18 years of age or older. Each entry must include haiku and e-mail address where we can contact you if you are the winner.

Thanks to Louis Fowler, Deadvida, Damaged Hearing, Damaged Viewing, Rigor Mortis, B-Movie.com, AMCNetworks 'The Walking Dead' for participation, sponsorship and support!

Vote for ER in the 2011 TLA Cult Awards!

To say I was surprised and humbled by the announcement that the Exploitation Retrospect web site had been nominated for a 2011 TLA Cult Award is an understatement. While I could name three good pals off the top of my head who probably were more deserving of the nod, I certainly won't look a gift horse in the mouth or turn down the additional readers and maybe a few extra flicks that come our way.

The fact that the nomination is from TLACult.com – powered by TLA Video – definitely means a little more. The TLA or Theatre of the Living Arts was a Philadelphia repertory film institution when I was growing up just across the bridge in South Jersey. And even when I was still too young to catch their screenings of trash cinema and repertory classics, the venue's monthly calendar was one of the first things I grabbed when cavorting on South Street with friends.

Years later I was fortunate enough to enjoy a few screenings when the theater went through its last days as a movie house and when they eventually switched over to an all-music venue I saw the likes of Danzig, The Cramps, Goo Goo Dolls and Cheap Trick there during my days in and around the city.

But even after the theater stopped showing films in the late 80s, the TLA Video stores that had popped up around the city were frequent stops on my way to or from classes at Drexel, my apartment, a club to see a band or even while just walking around town. Few stores boasted as eclectic a selection, even when things like TOMOKO, THE SAINTLY GIRL were not quite as advertised.

So thanks TLA Video for the nod and I encourage all our readers to check out all the categories, vote for us as Best Cult/Exploitation/Horror Blog/Website and definitely spend some time exploring the other nominees in our category.

Freaky Friday Halloween Giveaway #1: HEAVY MENTAL on DVD

Want to win a copy of Troma's HEAVY MENTAL on DVD?

Just e-mail your mailing address to editor@dantenet.com and HEAVY MENTAL in the subject line before noon EST on Friday, October 8, 2010. We'll select one winner at random to receive a free copy of the DVD thanks to the fine folks at Troma.

Welcome to Detroit, home of the automobile, the assembly line, and heavy metal warfare! Ace Spade, a young metal head, gets his life turned upside down when he receives a guitar possessed by the spirit of rock god Eddie Lee Stryker, who was murdered by the beautiful and deadly crime boss Mrs. Delicious. After discovering that Delicious plans on blowing up the local Battle of the Bands, Stryker endows Ace with heavy metal powers and the ability to turn into a gigantic metal monster so he can shred Delicious and her minions to pieces! Full of action, comedy, gore, and killer music, HEAVY MENTAL is a metal masterpiece that takes no prisoners and goes all the way to 11!

If you don't win you can always pick up a copy at Amazon and look for a review coming to the pages of the Exploitation Retrospect website soon!