"Third time's a charm." So goes the quote. When approaching CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID, this quote hung in my head. Maybe THIS installment will be the charm!
After a recap of the events in the second one (reviewed here by Evan in a previous Troma Tuesday installment), we are introduced to Adlai Smith (Brick Bronsky), son of Roger Smith (Bronsky again), and his girlfriend, Trish (Lisa Star).
Unbeknownst to Adlai, his mother Victoria gave birth to twins. His twin brother, Dick (Bronsky yet again, who clearly thinks of himself as Peter Sellers), was kidnapped by Dr. Slag, PhD (John Tallman) and Professor Holt (Lisa Gaye) at birth and raised to be evil. Slag then uses Dick to frame Adlai and ruin his good reputation. Why? Simple: he wants to reduce Tromaville to toxic waste! Will Adlai be able to stop Dr. Slag, PhD's plan? Will Adlai be able to convince Dick to turn good? Will YOU, dear viewer, learn to make better viewing choices?
Third time's a charm? Nope. In the case of CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3, third time is absolutely the pits. Seriously, this installment sucks ass. While the second had a few mild guffaws sprinkled throughout, this one offers up absolutely nothing except boredom and irritation. It's truly amazing what SEVEN – yes, SEVEN this time – screenwriters can do, which is to take what made the second installment awful and amplify it! Yes, more unfunny humor, more meta-references, and more Brick Bronsky! Oh God, kill me now and give my body unto the necrophiliacs! As an added bonus, seven screenwriters don't make the film's pacing any better. In fact, this installment moves along as slow as a snail in molasses. No joke, I was far more interested in rearranging my movie collection.
Also, I wonder just who in the hell thought it would be funny to make a farting noise EVERY TIME Lisa Star's ass appears on screen. It isn't funny the first time, and it isn't funny the umpteen times they do it afterwards.
Toxie shows up once again to remind you that you're not watching THE TOXIC AVENGER. And, you get two added bonuses: Ron Jeremy pops up to remind you that you're not watching one of his porn scenes, and THE ELEPHANT MAN is referenced during a birthing scene to remind you that you're not watching that movie. This movie is practically trying to tell you, "Hey, don't watch me! Go watch something better!"
And yes, the subtitle DOES reference THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY, yet another superior film you could be watching...
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID is a subhumanoid of a movie. It's shit that thinks that knowing it's shit makes it not shit. But it's still shit either way you cut it, folks. Toss this movie to the fuckin' dogs. Once again, I'll close by altering the quote on the cover, this time from Joe Bob Briggs: "The worst CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH movie... since the last CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH movie."
CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE SUBHUMANOID is available on Blu-ray and DVD. Features include an intro by Lloyd Kaufman, a Lisa Gaye interview, and other stuff. – Evan Romero
Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about SHIN GODZILLA.
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