After an opening sequence in which a band of monster musicians (the titular Black Roses) bang the heads of a bunch of teens, the film shifts to Mill Basin, a sleepy midwestern town where nothing ever happens. Matthew—a groovy high school teacher who sports a Magnum PI ‘stache, wears acid-washed jeans and sorta flirts with a female student—tries to connect with his students by being hip to their teenage vibes. A multi-night concert by Black Roses raises the ire of the conservative townsfolk, but they’re quickly swayed by smooth-talking frontman Damian and the lame new wave schtick they perform.
Once the concerned parents approve of the band, it’s heavy metal mayhem as the REAL Black Roses turns the kids into rude, inconsiderate and downright homicidal cretins. Luckily, Matthew sees past Damian and the band’s façade and decides to, uh, burn down the theater where they’re performing their final Mill Basin concert.
BLACK ROSES is dumb as a box of rocks, but enjoyable in an “it’s Saturday night and I’m three movies in with some adult beverages” kinda way. — Dan Taylor
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