ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH (2009)

I loves me some sasquatch/bigfoot/yeti pop culture. Whether its Lance Henriksen and his team tromping through the Pacific Northwest to rescue his missing daughter in the underrated SASQUATCH (aka THE UNTOLD), Paul Naschy channeling his inner werewolf to battle the abominable snowman in NIGHT OF THE HOWLING BEAST (aka WEREWOLF VS THE YETI), or even a beer, comic or toy inspired by the mythical beasties, you say the word and I'm there.

So when ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH showed up in my mailbox it went right to the top of the "Dan" review pile. And I know what you're saying. You took one look at that box and you said to yourself, "Wow, they're trying to make it look like ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13... but with Bigfoot."

Guess what? It is ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 WITH BIGFOOT! And I loved every last minute of it!

While some redneck poachers are out bagging game they accidentally stumble onto the elusive sasquatch, subdue it and get it into their Poacher Mobile. The hastily-hatched plan has grizzled leader Drake (Kevin Shea complete with eyepatch and a persona that channels the likes of Tom Atkins, Lee Van Cleef, George Carlin and James Coburn) getting in touch with a big game collector client who would love to add the cryptozoology find to his game preserve.

Unfortunately, a couple nearby small-town cops nab them at their nocturnal hunting and decided to haul them and their cargo back to a nearby precinct that's under renovation. A train wreck down by the river has the precinct's already small staff stretched thin, so when the sasquatch escapes from the van and begins his titular assault on the precinct it's time for ex-big-city cop Ray (Greg Nutcher) to step up and help his old pals and new enemies hold down the fort.

Naturally, there are some unfortunate details complicating matters, including Ray's college-aged daughter Jess (Sarah Ahearn) stopping by to pick up the car from her over-protective pop, the appearance of a convict whose brother was killed by Ray after a botched home invasion... at Ray's house (!), and a pair of Bigfoot nerds who follow and videotape the hairy beast as he spies on busty Latinos and stomps the occasional chihuahua.

The highest praise I can pay ASSAULT is that it reminds me of THEY BITE from Brett Piper. More entertaining than it has any right to be, ASSAULT (like THEY BITE and MANSQUITO) finds just the right balance of no-budget exploitation inventiveness, gory effects and crazy humor. Don't be fooled by the no-name cast and improbably high-concept, um, concept.

ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH delivers far more than it promises... and then some! This is one viewer who is definitely looking forward to BANSHEE from the same folks. Check out trailers of both films below.





ASSAULT OF THE SASQUATCH is available for purchase from Amazon. You can read this review and hundreds more like it at Exploitation Retrospect: The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media.

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