Tuesday, April 25, 2017

TROMA TUESDAY Returns, For Better or Worse, With YETI: A LOVE STORY (2006)

Have you ever wanted to see a yeti butt-fuck a man to death?

Ah, I'll bet that got your attention. But that isn't some ruse to get you to read further: it's a scene straight out of the 2006 Troma-tic bowel movement, YETI: A LOVE STORY.

The year is 1985. A group of college dipshits camping in New Hampshire stumble upon a cult dedicated to worshipping the yeti, whom they routinely offer sacrifices to. Emily (Lauren Glasscott) learns of a prophecy in which the yeti can be set free from the machinations of the cult via love from a sodomite. Adam (Adam Malamut) and the yeti fall in love – and just in time because Dick (Dave Paige) is about to be sacrificed by the cult (and I'm about to be sacrificed by myself for having put this much effort into describing this movie's story).

Reportedly shot for a mere $200, YETI: A LOVE STORY begins promisingly – even eliciting a chuckle or two – but soon devolves into a 70-minute borefest complete with overdone jokes, execrable attempts at humor, and no attempts at entertaining the viewer. Sure, this Troma-tic experience is accompanied by plenty of blood, guts, tits, ass and dicks (so your wives and gay friends will be happy); but given I can just see this stuff in any generic horror film which flies down the shit chute, I'd rather spend my time and money elsewhere.

YETI: A LOVE STORY is proof that some movies should never be made. I really thought this was gonna be a hidden gem in a shit-hill. Nope: 'tis but a shit clump disguised as fool's gold. As per usual, the folks at Troma show they'll distribute any festering piece of shit so long as it is tasteless. It really makes ya wonder if they even watch the crap they distribute.

Or, worse yet, maybe they DO! – Evan Romero

Evan Romero is a regular contributor to the pages of ER (including our mammoth 30th anniversary issue available from our website) and spends much of his time reading morally questionable books and watching movies no sane person would touch. He is the vocalist/bassist for the punk band Porno Holocaust (you can find them on Facebook and listen to some demos if you’re inclined). His short story “Touch” was recently published in REJECTED FOR CONTENT 5: SANITARIUM. You can read more of his reviews at ReelAtrocities.com or at PopHorror.com. He last wrote about MOST LIKELY TO DIE.

YETI: A LOVE STORY is available from Amazon.

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