Thursday, August 13, 2015


“You’re a long way from home, stranger.”

Not to be confused with this summer’s blockbuster starring the little yellow dudes from the DESPICABLE ME flicks, this MINION is actually a slice of pre-aughts Millenniumsploitation starring Dolph Lundgren as a member of the Knights Templar.

Charged with the sacred task of keeping the Anti-Christ locked up in a bottomless prison at their stronghold, the Templars must spring into action when some NYC sewer workers unearth the key to said prison on the eve of the new millennium. So Lukas (Dolph) heads to the city that never sleeps and begins punching people in the head with a big spiked glove that is supposed to kill the titular minion.

Unfortunately, the minion won’t rest until its master is free and when Lukas kills a demon-possessed cop it sends him and a sexy archaeologist (Francoise Robertson) on the run.

Jean Marc Piche – making his first feature film outing – delivers a sorta lazy actioner that’s never as much fun as something with Dolph Lundgren as a priest punching people in the head with a spiked glove should be.

Bonus points, though, for a TERMINATOR-inspired police station assault. – Dan Taylor

THE MINION is available from Amazon.

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