Thursday, September 26, 2019

HOLIDAY HORRORS with THE ELF (2017) and ELVES (2018)

"That thing is creepy as shit, by the way."

Simple is often better, but don't tell that to the team behind THE ELF (2017, not to be confused with the Jon Favreau/Will Ferrel holiday comedy). An excruciating holiday horror that took me four (!) viewings to get through, THE ELF is the tale of a depressing dude who inherits an old toy shop where he unleashes an evil elf who shows up at the cabin where he's stuck with his annoying fiancee and her horrible family.

Mayhem and convoluted backstories ensue while the knife-wielding porcelain elf wreaks havoc. You'd think a movie about a killer elf might move a bit faster but this thing is perfect viewing for those nights when you just can't fall asleep.

"This chick at the bar – she looked all elfy."

And because I'm a TOTAL sucker I couldn't help but check out the sequel ELVES (2019, not to be confused with the superior Dan Haggerty classic reviewed here). Surprisingly, this one gets off to a promising start by having a group of horrible people gather for a party and write down something bad they had done in their past.

For some reason they're really honest and write down some REALLY BAD stuff they'd done. Guess what? Such honesty starts blowing up in their faces.

Unfortunately, what starts off as a halfway decent idea is so ham-fistedly executed that it's hard to follow or really dig, despite crappy CGI eye violence, death by Xmas lights, possessed elf girl, and random Krampus guy.

Not good, not horrible but at least ELVES is violent, a little gory and moves way faster than THE ELF. – Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor is ready for the temperatures to drop and the leaves to fall, ushering in some serious horror viewing.

THE ELF and ELVES are both available from Amazon.

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