Set on the day before Thanksgiving in November of 1971, BIGFOOT VS... relates the tale of Bernie (Jordan Rodriguez), a young hunter who heads off into the woods to bag some turkeys for the family holiday feast. It must have been a hot November day as Bernie, decked out in shorts and little else, hikes through the Pacific Northwest, his chiseled features and tight abs glistening in the late autumn sun.
And he hikes... and hikes... and glistens... and hikes. As a hairy figure shadows his movements through the woods, Bernie eventually arrives at a "hunting lodge" he assumes will be abandoned, only to encounter a half-dozen or so shirtless dudes sitting around hoisting beers, toasting one pal's impending marriage. (Right.) And cue the "Directed by David DeCoteau" credit as Bernie gets invited in for a beer before they all head off for some shirtless turkey hunting.
It's at this point that you are more than welcome to fast forward through the next 45 minutes as the shirtless, shorts-clad dudes go to their respective rooms (complete with the flat screen TVs that were so popular in 1971), strip down to their boxer briefs and pose in front of the mirror with their guns, both the bicep and bang-bang variety.
Remembering that the name "D.B. Cooper" is in the title, DeCoteau occasionally weaves in details from Cooper's true tale of airline piracy, complete with the note to the stewardess (voiced by Linnea Quigley), a briefcase bomb and even the pilot informing the hijacker that the route from Seattle-Tacoma Airport toward Mexico City would require an additional fueling stop. (In other words, somebody read the Wikipedia page.) Alas, these dramatic retellings are but brief moments of exposition between more showering, hiking and talk of 'Nam from our barely-clad bachelors who appear to have traveled back in time from 2014 thanks to the "who gives a f**k?" attempts at wardrobe and, well, pretty much everything.
Eventually, our titular characters do collide, with DeCoteau and screenwriter Harvey Shaiman providing a wonderfully hysterical solution to both the riddle of Bigfoot and the mystery surrounding the disappearance of DB Cooper. If you like your exploitation flicks light on blood but heavy on boxer-clad hunks toting around rifles and doing sit-ups, well, head to Amazon posthaste. Personally, I demand a Jim Wynorski-lensed remake entitled HOT TUB BIGFOOT VS DOUBLE-D BEA COOPER.
As for the top-billed Roberts, his role is limited to narrating the tale as "Older Bernie", which I can only assume was done during catering breaks while filming DeCoteau's vastly superior MAGIC PUPPY (2012) aka THE GREAT HALLOWEEN PUPPY ADVENTURE. – Dan Taylor
Dan Taylor is the editor/publisher of Exploitation Retrospect: The Journal of Junk Culture and Fringe Media. Check out our 130-page 30th Anniversary Issue featuring horror anthologies, mens action novels, video store oddity THE JAR and much more. Available at Amazon, CreateSpace, ebay and the ER website.
BIGFOOT VS DB COOPER is available from Amazon.